My Ruby Wedding

I wish I had written this, sums it all up for me at least.

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

The words of the incomparable Louise Erdrich

You have known love and marriage, it may not have ended as you hoped but it was in your life, celebrate that anniversary, it is yours to keep and you are certainly not alone with the disappointment. Love is a stinker, one of you leaves or one of you dies.........that alone is what makes it so precious when it happens.

I do hope your day went well, sending a huge hug, good luck in the future.

Feel sad for you. But already you are saying "ah well till next year" this suggests to me that you are far from over him and spend your time thinking and wishing.Of course you are hurting you were together along time, but do you feel that you may benefit from talking to someone as it feels like you are grieving for someone you've lost, and it sounds like you are just surviving instead of living. Hope you don't feel I'm being harsh but I have abit of experience with this feeling.

Tessa you have got it all exactly right.
I don't have any friends to go out with so yes surviving not living is what I do

Kacee, sending you a virtual hug too.

When love goes sour, when you are rejected that pain does linger. When it doesn't hurt as much there are still those significant dates that remind you of happier times. Poignant moments and yes, the end of the dream of how it was supposed to be.

Many of us don't get our happy-ever-afters as far as love is concerned, unfortunately. I am glad your feelings for him are fading but when you are the one left alone after your partner moves on there is a painful void.

Be good to yourself and try to see the rest of your life as a grand adventure. We don't know what is waiting around the corner for us. I hope good things await, but in the meantime, make plans for yourself. You deserve a treat, so do something enjoyable for yourself soon.

Radicalnan.........beautiful quote...so much truth in it.

So sorry for your pain and upset, it really is so hard.
Do go out and treat yourselves, find a toy boy, spend all your cash on some nice clothes - whatever makes you feel good.
No husband = no rules, I realised, so it's not all bad. Big loves all round.

Kacee just maybe 2 1/2 years on you could start to think about joining in with things again , I do hope so, how about a Gransnet meet up.

Slutygran I will look out for a toyboy.....watch this space ?

Joining in with things luluaugust I also feel is important. Use this next year to start some new friendships. Recently there was a forum on that problem with lots of ideas and there are many people in the same situation so maybe next year you will have a new friend or met up with an old friend who you could go out with.

Not easy, but you can do it and gransnet can help.

I am so sorry. Lift a glass of bubbly and pay tribute to you! Perhaps a turning point in your life to make something different of it.

I wish you well and all good thoughts xx

I think something people don't know what to say. I tend to just say thinking of you today.
I found your post really ready sad, it's one thing when you have lost your husband to death but yours is quite a different situation and just as painful.
I hope you got through the day, maybe start focusing on you and plan how you can focus on not missing him so much from now on. Easier said then done I do know but just small steps forward.

My husband left me after 34 years and a few years ago there seemed to be a spate of golden weddings locally and I did feel deprived and bitter for some time.

However when my still married friends talk about their husbands who must have meat and two veg everyday or watch sport on the television or go into sulks when their wives go out, I count my blessings. And this is without mentioning those friends who have to visit their husbands daily in unsatisfactory care homes or care for them themselves. Chin up. The sun is shining. Federer won Wimbledon (at his great age!!!) and Dr Who is a woman.

Plan a nice day for tomorrow. Today it might be spoiled by sad thoughts. Don't spend day alone try to distract yourself.

KirbyGirl Wow that is excatcly the way I look at it.
Same story as you 34 year then gone.
Then after feeling sorry and not living my life as I deserved to I had this wonderful thought his new wife can look after him now and put up with the him and his mopey ways Iv had his best years time for me now

Kacee he was not worth your love
You need to talk it all out.
Feel free to PM i know how you feel

Hope you get through this it must be very difficult for you when it's such a special anniversary. It might be good if you could get away for a few days, not some where you would have gone with your h, somewhere you have never been before maybe.

It doesn't matter. Marriage means nothing nowadays anyway.

What a swine your better of without him. Look at the positives you have no one to answer to, you can do what you want when you want. Funnily enough I felt such independence when I divorced my ex and made a new life. Phone some friends meet up and do some socialising ???

Sorry Kacee I'm sorry I didn't read all the thread (I'm bad). How about volunteering you can make friends there or a book club. Love slitty grans go for it

I ment sluttygran not slittygrans. And it's answer. Oh I give up lol

I am so sorry for what you're going through but for your own self preservation you must find a way to move on.

This is a man who betrayed you! You shouldn't be giving him the time of day much less your loyalty. Above everything else, you are the one who deserves to be happy, not him. Two and a half years is a long time to waste by living it in the past.

Have you considered counseling? Effective therapy can show you coping mechanisms so you can get on with your life. You can either allow his betrayal to swallow you whole or get out there and find the happiness you deserve...you have a choice.

Get over it! It's only a marriage, anyway. They're a dime a dozen!"

In re reading my post, it sounds a bit harsh and I apologize. One of my best friends went through the same thing. I do know how devastating this must have been for you.

Marking a Ruby Anniversary that never happened however, is not healthy. Hanging on to vestiges of the life you shared with him will only hold you back and keep you from being happy again.

Hugs, Willa

Thank you all so much it really means a lot to read all your kind posts. I wish I lived near you all you would be nice friends.
I have tried this year to move on. I have lost 3 stone since January and have more to lose but I know that I can and will do it.
I need to get my confidence back and move on.
Thank you all again xx

It's easy to be cynical about marriage but to many folks, it's still a sacrament and when it ends, my God it can hurt. Look after the woman you are, Kacee, the girl you once were, and the amazing person you have yet to be.

Bob