In need of advice

Maybe he's secretive about his business BECAUSE you have the house in trust for your children and have your dd and family living there to boot. Maybe he feels sort of, "If this isn't my house, too, then my business isn't yours either." I don't blame you for wanting to leave your home to your kids. That's what I'm doing, too. But you admit he resents it and that may explain (not excuse) some of his behavior.

Or this just may be who he is when he's not drinking. One of the hard things about being involved with any kind of addict, imo, is that they sometimes relapse, as your partner has done. Another hard thing is that their sober personality isn't always that great. Some alcoholics, etc. are so much nicer when they're sober. In other cases, their negative personality traits first come out when they're sober. That's another thing that may have happened to your partner.

Idk the legalities of selling your home or getting him to move out, under these circumstances. But it sounds as if other posters have given you some good advice. Hope some of it works for you. Have you made any decisions?

Thank you Starlady - I appreciate your thoughts. Yes he is very resentful. In fact I think he just about resents anything I do. Perhaps because he hasn't really made his millions, wasted years chasing music, failed relationships , no children.
Sometimes he is lovely, and I remember what it was that I loved about him.
I am in a very dark lonely place. Cry lot which isn't like me, feel used, by him and the kids, and just want to runaway.
In the same breath I don't have the energy to make a decisive decision and live with it.

Deni, I know exactly how you feel. You're so tired and run down that you don't have the energy to escape. I used to cry myself to sleep every night because I could see no way out and thought that was my life for the next 40 years. I finally cracked and went to the GP. He put me on antidepressants and sorted out some counselling. That gave me the strength to escape. I can't pretend it was easy but, believe me, it was so worth it. I can't begin to describe the feeling of freedom I had and still have. It's like a massive weight lifted off my shoulders and my life started from that day.

Yes, it definitely sounds as if you need some counseling, Deni, You sound depressed, and getting help with that is probably the first thing you need to do.

Your partner may be critical of this and try to stop you. So perhaps you shouldn't tell him what you're doing right away or just do it despite his criticisms.

My mum gave me this advice which has been the best advice I have ever been given - "If you allow someone to treat you badly they will' Now this is easier said than done, but it's true. Don't let it happen - be strong! Tell him what he is doing is unacceptable and you won't tolerate it any longer. Insist on seeing what is in the shed (could be something very illegal!) Ask him where he goes when he is away and stop cleaning/cooking etc for him - leave his dirty wash outside his precious shed with a selection of takeaway menus - and stick with it!