living with adult children & grandchildren, can it work?

My dad bought a house with an annexe and lived with my sister and her family. Dad paid half in cash and my sister had small mortage. Sister had by far the biggest part of the house and when dad worked he paid half of all the bills. By the time he retired sister's 3 kids were all grown up and in good careers........but they all insisted dad had to carry on paying half of the bills, 5 adult wages and 5 adults usage against dad's pension.

War broke out. My sister re mortgaged the house behind dad's back and got into horrendous debt.........£98.000 on credit cards.........the parties spent £100.000 on legal costs , my sister died of cancer and would not even see dad who was 'next door'.

The banks eventually came up with some arcane banking law that state, 'if 2 out of the 3 parties to the mortgage are aware, it doesn't matter of the 3rd parties signatures have been forged'.

Dad had no choice but to move and was miserable and a broken man until he died.

My widowed brother in law was left with no no equity in his home at all at age 60............

Circumstances can change.

My DS and his partner moved in with me 2years ago supposedly to save for a mortgage however 4 holidays and a new car later this hasn't happened after things came to a head last month they moved out last week fortunately we are on very good terms but I feel had it gone on any longer we wouldn't have been I love my DS and his partner but they didn't do much in the house and I felt it caused me extra work I work full-time and any arguments they had they involved me I felt like piggy in the middle financially I see your point as i will really struggle living alone as they contributed to bills but it just wasn't good for either of us maybe in a larger house or granny flat it would have

My daughter, her partner and month old baby live with me. Her partner moved in a couple of years ago after my husband developed heart failure to help. It's working so far but my husband died suddenly at the end of September aged 51. It's my house with just over 6 years mortgage left. Between us we have recently had the house rewired and central heating put in.

Sounds OK, Everthankful. Will the finances stretch to your own front door? Believe me it's a necessity for that bit of independence you will want to hang on to.

Having a bolthole is your trump card.

Good Luck!

Share these posts with them so that they too can see the pros and cons ! My daughter and baby son came to live with me when her relationship ended. Her now husband moved in with us 5 years later, but space was tight. So we have now bought a house with a granny annexe for me. They have their space to bond as a new family, and I have my space as am retired and love/need my peace. We eat dinner together every evening, but once we have cleared up, off I go to my annexe. I am the laundry and the emptying the bins "monitor", so we share chores too. My grandson trots back and forth as he wants, I am on hand to help or babysit when needed, but it's basically a healthy respect for each other's needs.

A friend of mine, when she married, bought a large house with her parents and both families lived there in fairly demarcated areas. My friend's husband, howver, 'played away' which brought problems in paying the mortgage when he moved out. It is true, though, that she then had childcare on tap which made her full time job easier.

When her father died it left two women and two children living in a very large house and they had to sell it as they couldn't afford to continue to live there. They bought a smaller house and lived together there happily.

Bear in mind if you have separate quarters with two fully functioning kitchens, you may well find yourself with two lots of council tax to pay even if you share the same front door. This was suggested by South Lakes District Council when my parents knocked two houses together and didn't remove one of kitchens. They never used the second kitchen but the potential was there even though there was just the two of them. Having two families in the same house, each with their own separate facilities, might be considered as two dwellings. You might think 'they'll never know' but someone might well tell on you.

Not sure about this one. A few years ago my daughter and partner bought one of these new "town houses" three storeys. We live a long way from them and after the initial visit to see them in this new house my daughter had a"brainwave" that it could work for us all living there together! Us having the complete top floor and the rest of the family having the two lower floors. There was an initial temptation ...seeing more of them which we missed....helping each other out ect. In theory it could work but in practice it would"nt have done for me. There was only one kitchen...the old saying two women in one kitchen ect....plus the financial side of how it would work ..could foresee future problems with that. Possibly if it had been an older house with granny flat or something similar might have been a different matter. However when you see how families from different cultures all live together with their extended families and seem to care for them in old age it does make me think that they have got something right and our society has got it wrong in certain respects.

I understood granny annexes had a council tax exemption...every details is fraught with the necessity to be checked out. My dad was cuncil tax exempt but my sister wasn't and nsisted he was liable to pay her half....nightmares all round.

My DD and baby DGS came to live with us following her marriage breakdown. They were here for 5 years. During this time we seriously considered selling our house and buying a bigger property jointly with my dd. It turned out to be a legal minefield. We got as far as seeing a financial advisor but it wasn't possible to take it any further. The reason being that my dh and I are mortgage free and my dd would have needed to take on a mortgage. it wouldn't be possible for us to own 50% outright and my daughter to have 50% on a mortgage. The mortgage would be on the whole property. I hope this makes sense!! My dd and dgs are now in their own house (5 minutes away) and we have our own house back!! I loved them being here and was sad when they left but it really has worked out for the best. Dd has to work full time and we still help out every day with dgs (school runs, school holidays etc). Good luck with whatever you decide.

I'm sure this can work wonderfully well with goodwill and best of intentions - plus a lot of patience - on both sides, and I really do wish you luck if you decide to go for this option. You will also , hopefully, circumnavigate the Chancellor of the Exchequer and be able to have your children benefit from your lifetime of hard work when you finally depart this mortal coil.

However, please do get the legal bits sorted out to everyone's satisfaction; I have one relative who came home in time to find his Fil in negotiations with a solicitor that would have seen his children with nothing in the future, and one of my Mother's friends bought a house with her DS and Dil (hers was by far the bigger contribution) and after some family rows and much stress the poor woman found herself in hospital following a heart attack and then in a one bedroom council flat as DS and Dil had sold the large house during her illness, bought themselves another, pocketed 'the change' and had no room for her. In both cases the legal arrangements had been left rather loose and open to manipulation. I don't want to suggest anything like this might happen to you but it seems wise to get everything sorted properly initially for peace of mind all round.

My cousin and her husband sold their house and they and their DD, DSiL and 2 DGS moved into a lovely large house, They had their own sitting room and built a conservatory on it and a ground floor bedroom and wet room. They shared a large kitchen/diner and a lovely big garden. There were lots of positives but I think my cousin's daughter sort of 'ruled the roost' so it wasn't all plain sailing.
Then out of the blue DD decided her marriage was over and they'd have to sell up so they found themselves moving house twice in 5 years, in their 70s and not good health. They'd have struggled to buy again without the help of their DS.

As long as you all have your own space it could work. My granny came to live with us when I was eleven. We had a small three bedroomed house. It didn't work, my brother left home as soon as he could. I think separate living rooms, and your own tv would work ok.

Own front door, kitchen and bathroom all essential. My rather difficult mother-in-law lived with us in a granny flat for 16 years until she died. So those were the things that made it workable.

Very timely post for me as our DD, SIL and 2 GC are due to move in with us any day! They've just sold their house and looking to do up houses for a few years and save money (We've all had loads of experience with this). We have laid out some ground rules (they're needed I think). Luckily my SIL hates mess, so tidies up every night after the children and puts their toys away. My daughter enjoys cooking so that'll be her primary role. I have to say I'm looking forward to it!

I have lived with my divorced daughter and granddaughter, now 20, since we arrived in England 15 years ago, it is just the 3 of us, although there have been a few ups and downs over the years, mostly it has been a very positive experience, we all do different things in the house, my daughter works and I have always been at home to look after my granddaughter and do things with her and then we would all get together on weekends and do things together. The child is all grown up now and working herself, but we all have a very close knit relationship, and now they both have partners as well, we all get on, so for me, it is ideal.

in may 2015 my daughter and her two daughters moved in with me [the girls were removed from the marital home - long and sad story - and my daughter decided to formalise the separation between her husband and herself].
they moved into my small two bedroomed house - the three of them share my spare room.
it's been a bit difficult to get their possessions sorted out as neither of the girls are tidy people and my daughter was depressed and suffering from stress and anxiety.
my hopefully soon to be ex son in law is still in the marital home and, again hopefully, my daughter will be able to have her share of the house as a settlement. but until then we are fairly cramped.
my daughter works mondays and tuesdays and alternate fridays and saturdays so she only has a few days to sort things out but, this holidays, we're going to be sorting things out. it's going to take time but in the end we'll be able to get everything packed away and have space for everyone.
fortunately i've got quite a large loft area as my daughter has quite a lot of "stuff" in the marital home's loft which will have to come here [things like old childhood toys which she doesn't want to lose].
it's worked for us in the main although i'm not able to do the cooking at the moment. i'm waiting for a knee replacement operation so i'm limited as to what i can do in the home and it seems that i'm the only one who does any cleaning. however when i'm back to normal i'll be able to take over the cooking again - my daughter is on her feet all day when she's working and the last thing she wants to do when she gets home is cook!
unfortunately, owing to financial circumstances, there's no way we could afford to sell my house and buy another one which has three bedrooms - we've thought about it but it's not possible ............ i'm retired and she only works part time so is unable to get a mortgage.
however the sharing is done it should be worked out who pays for what and you must safeguard yourself/selves so you don't find yourself/selves homeless if it all goes pear shaped.

Unless you get on tremendously well and have every financial implication and every scenario covered I would say a big no. I used to be an advisor for the elderly and I had no end of people who came to be bitterly regretting it. It would all start out well and then slowly their family would take over the house and start to make life really difficult. Some had out all the proceeds of the sake of their own home in the new house but we're naive enough to trust their families. Divorce, children growing up and needing more space all change the situation. What if they want to move would you be happy to move again? There are so many divorces now and whoever leaves could force a sale. Please think carefully. It can work if accomodation is split in someway and you should e your own living quarters. Think of two women in the same kitchen! Good luck with whatever you decide.x

I sold my house just over 4yrs years ago,and bought a house with my son daughter in law at that time my granddaughter was 5mths old. I certainly don't regret it and who knows what the future holds.

I sold my house just over 4yrs ago and bought a house with my son daughter in law and my 5mth old drandaughter. I certainly don't regret it, and who knows what the future holds.

There is a lot to consider here not least the implications were you to need to go into residential care and the value of your share of the property were to be calculated you might also want to consider changing the type of ownership of this property from "joint tenants" to "tenants in common" I would also suggest that if your daughter is planning on a mortgage that you ensure there is payment protection insurance in place in case she or partner loose their jobs

Just wondering how the SiL feels about this potential arrangement or did you and DD not ask him!. I couldnt imagine my sons moving in with MiL??. I personally would never consider moving in withmthem, Make sure you get a good solicitor to act for you as you will need to protect your assets. What if something happened to you and your DD's marriage broke up. Her husband might then be able to claim an equal share in the property!. It could happen. Lots of potential pit falls, lots for you to think about.

Yes, lots to think about. Things can go messily wrong, a former neighbour did this with her daughter and found herself homeless after her daughter and husband divorced. It can also go beautifully right, another friend has lived independently under the same roof with her son and family for three years and it is working well, they are all very content. The key I think is to get informed professional advice, do lots of talking before the move and be prepared to re-visit ground rules as children get older or if they simply don't work. No harm in exploring the options. Good luck, let us know how it all goes.

We (husband and 2 children) shared a house with my mother for about 12 years before her passing. It was very difficult and caused a lot of emotional conflict. Would I do it again - absolutely not.

Looking at it from a different angle, we were once in the situation where a sibling of my OH asked their widowed father to come and live with them in Europe where they were renovating a gite complex. We did a bit of a gasp, as FIL was a very cantankerous difficult man and this sibling had always detested him. So a weird decision we thought.

Perhaps we should have pursued this in more detail; (rather than heaving a sigh of relief that we did not have to be responsible for him - I know, I know, that sounds awful!). What happened was that after a couple of years this sibling rang to say that FIL was dying and he wanted to die in UK and he was more or less posted back to us to deal with. When he fetched up on our doorstep he was no more dying than I was! After a month or so of being piggy-in-the-middle between FIL and my OH I had to sit down with him and explain that we could not keep him there indefinitely and that I would start to investigate independent accommodation for him. The observant amongst you will be asking why it was ME doing all the difficult bits and not my OH - but that is another story!

When he died, all became clear - the sibling had used tens of thousands of pounds of FIL's money towards the renovation abroad, then packed him back to us when they got fed up with him! Also, no account was taken of the fact that this money had already gone to sibling when the will was seen, so they pocketed the cash and depleted our inheritance. We "sucked it up" as they say because we could not deal with the hassle. Hmm - we keep smiling.