living with adult children & grandchildren, can it work?

No experience of this other than staying with family several times on long haul holidays. Suffice to say that next time I'm considering that we stay in a nearby b & b.
The children will grow up with the inevitable hormones and teenage attitudes.
However, if the house is big enough, separate quarters, good rules, who knows.
A lot to be considered regarding day to day living and interaction.

There will be positives and negatives.
It wouldn't be for me..... but could be wonderful for someone else.

We live in a large farmhouse with grandparents living on one half and us and the children in the other. I realise I am going to sound like a horrible person when I say this, but for the past 10 years since m-in-law has been on her own we have come to really regret this! She is still able bodied but constantly wants jobs doing and always wants to know what we are doing, who is visiting us etc etc. She virtually lies in wait for DH when he comes home from work! I am afraid that DH and I now really resent her, and as a result of our experience we have told our own children to never live near us as we don`t want them to end up resenting us! We have also found ourselves in a very difficult situation now as we would like to move - but she says she won`t!

Not for me either but I know it has worked for friends of mine. Please get all the legalities sorted out formally, it can end badly if there is a family rift.
Talk things through honestly with your family so you are all aware of your expectations and good luck.

I have had situations where we had DD and SIL living with us with their child for several months - their house caught fire and was being sorted out! It went fine - but we all knew it would end eventually!

My daughter, son in law and newborn moved in when baby was born - she is 14 months now. I have a large 4 bedroom and before they came it was my partner and I.
They moved in so they could save a deposit and so far saving hasn't gone well - I love seeing my grand daughter every day but I get NO break, double the housework and they've certainly taken over the house - some days I long for some quiet and to be able to do little things - but I work too.
If you live together have your own space - rules and make sure you are not the one doing all the housework etc!

One of the `problems` with people living so much longer is that the middle generation might well reach a point when they find the large house too much and want to downsize - then what happens to Grandma?

If you do decide to do it and there are other siblings, then make sure every party is in agreement. MiL moved in with my DH's sister and family who robbed her of everything she had. They then expected my DH and me to have her to live with us once she was no longer of any use to them. As a result, the whole family is now estranged due to the stupid decision to live under one roof.
MiL trusted them and did not even put her name on the house deeds, despite contributing the proceeds of the sale of her own house. She was actually evicted, so be very very careful.

It could work if you have your own self contained accommodation but make sure your assets are protected should your daughter and son-in-law split up.

We live at the same property as DD and two DGSs but in separate dwellings so it works very well. I don't think we'd get on if we were all under the same roof. We own all of it so there will be no problems should DD want to move on.

We gave it serious thought some years ago. We imagined every scenario and came to the conclusion, best not

Thank you for the posts everyone, I know it's not for everyone. I'm trying to think clearly, weighing up the pro's & cons..
seeing a financial advisor next week too.

Good advice from Merlot - look for properties with granny flats or similar so you have your own front door.

That's a terrible story Lillie.

I think Merlot's situation is ideal in that she owns it all, so no chance of being evicted or losing out to a future divorce, re-marrying, family squabbles, etc.

Separate accommodation definitely. Rules about 'visiting'.
I had friends who made it work well with 2 grandparents in a large house, and family members who made a new home with widowed grannie in a conversion.

I would say a big no! Friends of ours have their house for sale at the moment, their daughter and husband and one small child have already moved into a much larger house, financed by their sale and a trust fund from Daddy, when the sell they intend to move into daughters house to look after child while she works full time. They are in their 70's, who knows what the future will bring. Please give it a lot of thought.

We thought about this several years ago but decided against it.

What happens if circumstances change. A new job meaning a house move or a divorce. How do you decide who gets what rooms. What happens if one party is unhappy and wants to move. Every one then gets disrupted.

What if one couple want to raise equity on property or want to make alterations.

We have a good retlationship and it was my DiL who made the suggestion. In hindsight I am glad we kept our independence. We are 70 now and have a very different view on life than we did 10 years ago when it was suggested.

I have close friend who sold up to move in with daughter & son in law in large house. They split after several years & managed to afford to stay in house. Then daughter met someone with kids. My friend was asked to move out. Her hubby just diagnosed with cancer. They moved to small flat (they had sold their beautiful bungalow ) Hubby died after a year. She still lives there paying an extortionate rent. Be careful

What happens if the aged P needs to go into a nursing home etc.? The financial implications?

We have done this. Bought a large house for myself, daughter two children, one 'disabled'. It works incredibly well. Get a house that suits your needs, talk everything through. Pretty sure it wouldn't have worked if one of us had a husband though, make sure your sail is 100% ok with it. It CAN work.

Sorry son in law not sail!

It had better work! Last year, I sold my home of 26 years, and moved to Germany to be with my only son and his lovely German wife, and their baby daughter. They had been asking me since I took early retirement 7 years ago, but I had been resisting because I am an independent, stubborn old biddy. Tomorrow, the gang move into their first self-owned home, having rented until now. I will move into the self-contained granny flat in the next few weeks, as the shower room is being turned into a wet-room for me. More important to get the kids settled first...baby number two is due in 4 weeks! I've been renting here too, but can't wait until we are all in the same place. Ground rules have been set, though...in fact, they were set before I agreed to come! And their new au pair arrives on Sunday..I'll be sharing child-care of my elder granddaughter with her while daughter-in-law is on maternity leave, then elder one will go to nursery and we'll have the younger one when mum goes back to work. Most of my capital has gone into the house..I'd far rather they had it while they need it most, and while we can enjoy it together. Happy days...I hope!

Found the comments very interesting in this thread. Due to some highly unusual and completely unexpected circumstances more than five years ago, my husband and I moved in to my daughter and son-in-laws home at the suggestion of son-in-law. We were very unsure about the arrangement and it took us several months to be persuaded that it would be for the best and that it could work, and it has been a wonderful experience. We are lucky that we have a third of a large farmhouse and office space for my husband to work in. We see our daughter and grandchildren when they pop through to say hello and our son in law from time to time but not every day. We have always ensured that we make a decent monthly contribution to all the utility bills and our accommodation is ours to maintain and decorate as we see fit. We have found being around the family has been helpful on both sides and there has been no intrusion into the personal space or lives of each other. Our other three adult children and their families are able to visit as and when they want to and it causes no problems. It has worked so well and certainly very much better than I thought that it would. We can't imagine being anywhere else now, and I doubt that my daughter and her husband and children would want us to leave.

We moved in to my Mum's when our kids were younger. It was a huge house and really should have worked but it didn't. She felt able to act in whatever way she wanted with our kids; to me, her discipline was abusive. We couldn't decorate our rooms or even move the furniture in them because it was her house. Even when I was cooking, I'd turn my back and a whole host of ingredients would jump into the pan courtesy of her determination to have it done her way whether she was eating or not. Eventually, we moved into a one bedroomed flat with 5 children just to get away. It was a squashed existence but we got on better as sardines than living in a dictatorship! She was terribly upset and my daughter, with her manipulation, formed part of her campaign to get us to stay. Things have never really recovered because it brought back so many childhood memories of her manipulative, abusive character that I had managed to bury.

We have done this twice; firstly when we shared a home with my elderly mother until she died and more recently when we bought a shared property with DS and DIL and their two very young children. I have to say it has worked brilliantly for us and we are very happy all living under the same roof. Yes, there are disadvantages as pointed out by other posters but, for me, these are far outweighed by the advantages. The children love having us here and we are able to help out with childcare which is really appreciated by my DIL and DS. My advice is to make sure you sort out the legal aspects and the rules; be prepared for teething problems and deal with them as they arise - don't let them fester; be kind to one another and make sure you have some space for yourself. Good luck and I hope it works for you.

Oh dear, I am financing an extension on my daughter's house so I can move in with them and their little daughter. I'm starting to worry now! We do all get on very well and the little girl spends a lot of time with me when her parents are at work. Grandaughter is excited about me moving in and being there full time, I wonder if I might regret this?! I do have a static caravan holiday home so I think I may spend quite a bit of respite time there. Wish me luck!