Support for Grans cut-out of AC&GC lives

Yes Celebgran I do, especially as it's my estD Birthday on Thursday. The brilliant Birthdays I gave her, once I hired DJ's in with all their decs for a teen party at our house, the next year it was Karaoke team. When she was older we would go out for a lovely meal, then when she had C, it was a lovely lunch, as a small C it would be an organised party out with all her friends. Always got her lovely present, lovely cards, all the buntin up, made such a big fuss of her, as did her big sister, and why..because we loved her so!

Me too Sparkly I never look on their FB pages, toooo painful, I let my ND do that or friends/neighbours have, that's where I got a lovely pic of my GC from, my neighbours D was so happy to give it to me, but when she left I had to put it away in a draw, too painful to see how they had grown, later I did put it in a silver frame, but tucked behind a plant in the dinning room, so not under my nose

Luckylegs you would think your Son would invite you for Xmas dinner, you being on your own and with this awful estrangement with your D too! I haven't seen, or heard from my Son for 5yrs now no reason for it other than nasty s.i.l's arm round his shoulder saying we're brothers, we're family

Thanks everyone. My doctor thinks it’s stress causing spasms in my stomach and bladder so I got an anti anxiety somethingvto taje when I need it. She will put me on something everyday if I need it. Got a pneumonia booster shot and have been up most of the night crying in pain n. This has never happened to me where I can’t raise up my arm or move it for the pain.
SmilelessIm so very sorry to hear about your son. Divorce is not easy as my DD has been divorced a year now. I’m sending you a hug.
In fact we have our Thanksgiving day bee on Thursday and I’m thankful for all of you helping me steer the way to sanity. So though we thank the pilgrims who came to our country I’m thanking my worldly friends. ?

Thanks for the hug Rhinestone. I'm pleased you've got something to help with your anxiety and if you need to take something every day, make sure you do (nag, nag).

My thanks to you too Rhinestone for being so caring and supportive here on this thread and for becoming such a good friend.

I tend not to think about all that we did for our ES Celeb. The only thing that grates is the money we have in their house. To refuse any and all contact with us, to deny us our GC and continue to benefit from ours and my brother's money just shows they have no integrity.

I'd rather live in rented accommodation than do what they're doing. TBH I find it almost impossible to comprehend that we produced such a nasty, selfish son.

Yogagirlwe all know what we did for our children, we did our best and everything we did was done out of love.

Thursday's going to be a difficult day for you as you remember the day your ED was born and all of those wonderful years you had together. I could be wrong, I hope I'm not but I simply cannot believe that they've forgotten all of those years too.

I still dream about him, Mr. S. dreams about him as well. We don't want too but we have no control over our dreams any more than they do. Goodness knows I've tried, but I can't forget the way he used to be, the way we used to be and I can't stop loving him so how is it possible for him to have stopped loving us, and for your abandoning children to have stopped loving you.

Hi I joined the other day and I'm going through what use are all going through on this thread . My title is Living bereavement if anyone wants to read it . I was pointed to this thread as there is GP in as much as me . X

Welcome mollie 43 and so sorry u going through hard time.

It's been so long for me but we try focus on positive stuff and help each other through?

Smilless we did our best as you said to yogagirl.
I wonder if our daughter has any feelings left for us she would know how devastated I am losing Rosie but zero response as always.

Rhinestone hope tablets help.

I may need something if I keep being so low and tearful do hope not but have appt next Monday ref eyes and will ask if still feel so low,

Thinking of you yogagirl birthdays so hard that's why booked go away weekend in January when our daughters,
Nothing I can say to make it easier wish there was,

Hi CelebGran thank you for your welcome x

Bless u mollie 43 I have just read your very sad story and so very sorry it came to that

We agonised over going to court one time even filled in forms but they were returned as had changed! Then we got cold feet. It's been over 8 years and our darling Gra daughter was only 9 months now she is 9 years. We sent Xmas and birthday presents and 2 more little girls born never seen it's totally broken our hearts.

My daughter and I were very close until after she married, now my s imlaw has stopped contact with her entire family including godparents who adored her. For about 4 years she wrote to them cards etc then that stopped. S i law rang to cut them off shOrtly after us but they continued sending cards and our daughter responded,

However she has never contacted us even this year when I had major back surgery in August my dh wanted her to know but no response,

However we carry on best we can sometimes harder than others! At moment I am struggling still recovering from surgery and lost my beloved King Charles 4 weeks ago,

You will find lots suport here mollie43

Hi Celebgran I am so so sorry for your losses . I understand the pain completely . It is unimaginable suffering to those who haven't been through it. I feel it is a constant loss as we miss out on them growing up every different stage in their life. I can't and will never understand how they can be so so cruel. I actually went to a counsellor today as I am at the stage I'm just not coping . They said it is grief and trauma and asked me to start writing how I feel down . I am going to try . All this has affected my whole family too my poor boys who miss GS desperately too. It's affected my relationship with my partner as I feel I have nothing left to give him . I feel so broken. I get so angry at my them that all it does is make me ill because I have no where to vent the anger. With Xmas coming it's going to be the first Xmas not seeing my son and GS . And why ? Because I loved my GS too much! X

Oh mollie?It's going be hard first Xmas,
If it weren't for our son I doubt I could carry on.

I can remember the despair and disbelief of first Xmas I was convinced ed would contact us, she didn't butnsent csrds to our friends! Then cruelty took my breath away.

Please try and remember you will cope and get through it be kind to yourself, I have had counselling first year, and recently as also winter it does help to unburden to a person not emotionally involved.

Thank you it is huge loss but their loss too.

Celebgran. Yes that's what I said after all the abuse the cruelty actually winded me . It is horrendous. I have no choice but to keep going my 2 boys are only 13 and need me more than ever so like you I carry on . Thanks so much for sharing your story me . X

Hi Molly, I'm so pleased that you've found this thread and posted. I found it very helpful writing things down. I've written letters that I've never sent; just as well. I've also written poems for our GC which will also go in their memory box.

The one thing I've found the most helpful is posting on this thread and all the ones that came before it. I've been doing so for 5 years, as long as our estrangement and cannot begin to express my gratitude for the friends that I have made here.

We understand completely what you're going through as we're going through it too so I hope that now that you're here you will stay and join this wonderful group of women who do what they can to care for, and support one another.

Hi smileless thank you ... I am going to start writing letters probably a few I will have to burn after as the words won't be so nice but I need to get it out. I am so glad I've found this place as I really have hit rock bottom . You have all been so kind with your welcome's . Thank you x

Yogagirl, he is a good son, just very busy all the time, the build up to Christmas is enormous when you both work and have teenagers, I can't see him not bothering at all, but I won't mention anything myself as I don't want to put pressure on him. Who knows, he could turn round and say of course you come to us. Whatever happens I will enjoy the day. I do think back to that Chistmas my husband was dying, I can't help it, but he would be the first one to say, enjoy everyvday, because he truly did.
Molly, you carry on for those lovely two boys that need their mom and a happy home, the rest will fall into place. Some things have to go on the back burner.
Rhinestone, sorry you are suffering so much at the moment, stress has a lot to answer for as I know too well. You are not alone, am thinking of you. Hope your Thanksgiving day bee goes well, it sounds fun.

Firstly, I hope you are feeling better today Rhinestone

Smileless I've said the same to my ND, how could estD have forgotten all the love we showered on her

Thank you celebgran

Luckylegs

Welcome Molly I find writing on here very therapeutic, I do save some it, as a diary for my GC when their older, so they can learn the truth and my beloved GD can learn what her real name is, which is not what her rotten Stepdad changed it to So stay on here with us Molly and we will try to help you through this nightmare as best we can. At the very least we understand you, us being in the same sad boat I will read your thread later, when I've the time. God Bless

And flowers for all good kind Grandmothers on here

Thank you so much for your kind words yogagirl I really appreciate it. I am so glad I found this forum. X

Yogagirl glad you think alike about looking for estAC and DGC on social media. Thank you for .

molly43 welcome to this thread. I haven't seen my estDS estDiL and DGC for years, but the feelings about it go on. I now try not to think about my rejection by them too much but as we all know that doesn't work because we are mothers, and our children are going to naturally be on our minds, all our lives. Counselling is a good idea, I had some at the beginning of the estrangement and it helped me work out how to deal with it, the cruelty and ongoing effect of the pain.
I hope it works for you.

celebgran I remember being so numb the first Christmas after the estrangement started. Numb with pain and disbelief.
I hope you are well.

My estD's 28th Birthday today, no hip, hip hooray!
I wish her the Birthday she deserves, & hope she thinks about all the wonderful Birthdays she had with us, her birth family.

All the news full of Mugabe in Zimbabwe, where I lived for 2yrs. I remember when he came into power, we had all said that if he did get in, we would be on the first plane home, but we all stayed. Apart from the GD of Cecil Rhodes! We were ordered to a meeting with Mugabe in the next hotel along from where we worked in Victoria falls. She turned up in a 'Rhodesia' 'T' shirt & was given 24hrs to leave the country! We were also ordered to a celebration party in honour of Mugabe, lots of our colleges didn't want to go, as they had had family killed by him, but it was an invitation that you didn't refuse!!

YogagirlI hope today isn't too difficult for you.

What a fascinating story, you've had such an interesting life it's a terrible waste that you'll maybe never be able to enrich your GC's lives with your memories.

Gosh yogagirl what an experience, thank goodness Mugabe has gone people seem so happy long may it last.

So sorry today will be bittersweet memories ?Sending virtual hug,

Thanks sparklygran I am up and down groin pain gets bad when I overdo it still not recovered fully.
Emotionally bit of mess since losing Rosie but I am just getting through each day best I can keeping busy.
As you say we their mums so never thinking or caring about our estranged ones not an option.

Just try focus on those that do love us is important.

Rhinestone hope men's working and you feel less anxious,

I was received yesterday got phone call and appt go eye clinic ref problems been having, remember saw awful man locally who just worried me?
So wether optician referred me again not sure I asked and won't see specialist but my tests will be seen by one so cancelled appt with reg optician this fri,

At one time just went hospital see eye specialist but seems everything is outmsourced now.

Still relieved will get chance ask about my eye problems it's scarey getting flashes white light in evenings.

Got my first physio back class today.
Hope goes better than last time when physiotherapist left me stuck in gymn for 20 minutes under cover of making my next appt.
This happened twice and was week before we lost Rosie I just didn't have strength to report it but another therapist saw whatnhad happened and told me to see him, his idea go back acquacise and go this back class,
We shall see!

Ha ha rhinestone meant meds working!

Yogagirl hope u got something do today?
As said we going away weekend of my daughters birthday in Jan, it's always going hurt us at those times,

The other suport group run by Joshua Coleman just had webinar ref getting through difficult things, i.e. Birthdays, when acquaintances ask about grandkids etc.
Will read it through.
The actual things was 1am their time when I was ?

Hi sparklygran thank you for your welcome and I'm sorry you are going through this he'll too . I'm glad the counselling helped you a bit but as you say your children and GC are always on our minds . I'm hoping the counselling helps me too at this stage I will take what I can get ..x...Hi Yogagirl I hope you are kept busy today that's how I got through my GS and sons birthday by working both days....It is agony but we are still here and trying I suppose and it not bloody hard! X celebgran I'm sorry you are having health issues I hope these get resolved or managable at least x

That was meant to say it's bloody hard ... can you edit posts here I can't seem to find a way to do it once I've posted x

Sorry Molly meant to say hope you don't have wait too long for counselling it's can help a lot especially in fest shock of it all.

I had major back surgery in Aug so still recovering,
Back physio class was very good today it was physiotherapist giving us helpful talk and information next week we progress to excercises I found her very good,