Support for Grans cut-out of AC&GC lives

Smileless I agree about not playing the game when you are in a family with a narcissist who thrives on enjoying causing conflict between others.

Yogagirl thank you for good wishes. I was very down last week, Stayed in and away from friends was so down about it all. However a Christmas lunch at a great venue with great food and calm friendly company cheered me up no end and took my mind off things.

When I feel down like this, I try to have a routine of (health allowing) nice things to do, even if its small joyful things like a little train journey, lunch out or a trip to a nearby town with a nice walk on the flat, seeing friends and other family.

Fresh air even in winter is good too, warm coat and thermals on, comfy shoes (comfy though glam) and off out I go.

Thinking of us all, managing as well as we can in our circumstances.....

Sparklygran ?So very sorry you too down butnwell done for having such positive attitude,

Can I say yogagirl we are all delighted you have little Grandaughter to love and certainly speaking for myself love to hear about her.

Like I have my dear little great niece and nephew.
Would that it was my own but we can only focus on enjoying who we do have.

NIGHT night ladies sleep welll

I never advised that dil to co her mil, etc. Yoga. Don't put words in my mouth.

Sue, I just saw where you said you were leaving. Imo, that's unfortunate, but I understand. Hope you stop in some time in the future though. And, of course, hope your story - and all the others - has a happy ending eventually.

Maddy, I can't get over that your d & sil refuse to own that they denied you and dh visits with their children! And then they expect you to go along with this lie! And threaten you on top of it!

Hate to say it but I think you need a break from each other. Let them co if they want. I know it will hurt, but, imo, it beats "admitting" to lies! It's not as if they're going to give you access to the kids just because you meet their demands. They've already gone ahead and cut you out of Lifecake. Most likely, if you "agree" that everything is your fault, then they'll say you have to "make amends" and give you conditions you have to meet before you can see their kids. And...

I'm getting exhausted just thinking about it! I really feel you need a breather from all this. So maybe they're pulling away will be a blessing in disguise. Maybe after she has had some time apart, d will calm down and reach out to you again. Maybe not. But, imo, you and dh need to get off this roller coaster with all its crazy ups & downs and never really getting anywhere.

I'm not sure whether or not I would even respond to them if I were you. I'd be tempted to say, "We're ready and willing to have an honest conversation with you. But we won't "agree" to lies, and we won't be intimidated by threats. When you're ready to have a genuine discussion with us, let us know."

But it might be better not to reply to this rubbish at all. Why bother? Either way, I'm sorry, but they are going to block and cut you out. So sad. (((HUGS)))

Glad you're feeling better, Sparkly!

Starlady you speak a lot of sense. Without wishing to offend anyone I don't think that some understand what they are dealing with namely a very controlling partner. Until our offspring wake up for themselves and see this, there is nothing we can do but let go. There is great strength in walking away, it doesn't mean we don't love them, but we value our own worth. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result"! Albert Einstein. No my situation isn't complicated but I'm not prepared to continue setting myself up for more hurt. My daughter knows where I am when she needs me. It is their life after all I'm afraid.

Nor does letting go mean that I am giving up. We can't change what's happened so I focus on today and that's all.

Celebgran I was told by the police I had to sign the 'warning of an harassment order' paper

Yes you did advise that d.i.l to cut off her husbands mother & his entire birth family. I read the post!

That above post was obviously for Starlady

To all of you going through this, try and put it to one side instead of going over and over what happened. Stop it. Enjoy today and look after yourselves.

If it helps some EP's and GP's to go over and over past events, this is the place to do so. We've all found, to a certain degree, our own coping mechanisms and for some, re iterating events that have happened is one of theirs.

Regardless of how long we've been estranged the fact that it's happened remains quite simply unbelievable. 5 years for me, 5 for Yogagirl, 8 for Celeb and 10 for you suebeck.

It doesn't happen very often for me now thank goodness, but I still have that moment, when I can't believe we've lost our son and only GC and I re live all of those nasty emails we received and the lies that were told.

Will there ever come a time when I never think about those things again? I hope so but I doubt it. When I do, and the weight of them becomes too much I know I can come on here and let it all out. It doesn't matter if I've said it all before and it wont matter if I say it all again in the future.

We can walk away from those who've hurt us but we can't erase the the memory of the things they've said, done and continue to do, no matter how hard we try.

Yoga, the purpose of this thread is NOT for you and me to argue. But I won't have my words twisted or lied about. That dil complained that she was the only one trying to get everyone together. Her dh isn't that interested and her ils are difficult. So I suggested that she stop trying and see what happens. IOWs, maybe dh will pick up the rope or her ils will (and maybe act nicer to her, too).

Oops! Hit post before I meant to!

Anyhow, later in that thread, after I heard how mil tried to interfere with the dil's job, I suggested dil LIMIT HER OWN contact with mil. I DIDN'T say "go nc" or to try to keep mil away from dh.

Since mil also has done things to jeopardize baby's health and safety, according to dil, I also suggested LIMITING baby's contact with mil. Again, I DIDN'T say "never let them see each other" - just suggested cutting back on the number of visits.

None of that means cutting mil out completely, not even from just herself (dil). None of it!

Thanks for the compliment, Sue! Imo, YOU "speak a lot of sense." I hope your daughter is wise enough, herself, to reach out to you in time.

Starlady with due respect u know nothing about suebeck and can't possibly comment.
I have known her a long while but refuse to say anymore.

Smileless ?

Yogagirl and starlady please don't quarrel is the season of goodwill!

And you don't really know me either celeb. So please don't infer otherwise. I'm a kind loving grandma like you, who chooses to get through this in my own way.

Starlady. Thank you. I wish we could chat off here. Some take offence when none is intended.

Yes, you're right, celeb. There shouldn't be any fighting during this season. Sorry about that.

Really, I guess, there shouldn't be any fighting in a support thread, anyway.

As for suebeck, no I don't know a lot about her. But I do know what she has said in this conversation, and I'm simply responding to that.

Sue, sometimes, I'm not even sure what some people are taking offense at (no one specific in mind, that's just a general statement).

Anyhow, I know this season is hard for some of you. But I hope everyone here gets through it as best they can and manages to find some peace and even have some fun.

Suebeck I know what you told me before you took offence and deleted me from Facebook, you got me to spy on your daughters Facebook etc etc. I even got photos for you.
I felt for you and tried to support you but you threw it back in my face.
We sent you Xmas and birthday cards as felt so awful you were alone and still do feel for you.

So please don't come on here acting innocently you had the chance to see your daughter which a lot of us would give a lot for. I am sorry it went so wrong for you.

It's no good blaming the other person it takes 2 to tango!

No yogagirl you can refuse to sign anything the police had to admit a warning implies wrongdoing and we had done nothing wrong. In then end after our mp wrote to them.

You can do a private message to a poster if you wish suebeck, it's a good way of talking about things you don't want to appear on a public forum.

Starladywhen such an emotive topic is being discussed, emotions can run high from time to time especially at this time of year.

We are so lucky this year as our DS will be spending Christmas here with us but there are so many who are not so fortunate. We got Christmas cards for our GC today, 2 of each as always, one to post and one for their memory box. There I am pondering and reading so many to find the nicest that I can when they wont get to see them anyway, well not until they get their memory box and as I've left that to them in my will, hopefully that wont be for a very long time.

Oh smilless I have 3 cards for our little girls too but I photograph them for my blog same thing I guess.

I do feel low as u know and wonder if it's worth it like you will they get to see them?

Anyway have chosen them so guess will post them.
It's good get input from someone not estranged starlady but I guess it's impossible understand our pain.

Maddyone hope you ok today.

Apologies suebeck ?I think I was little harsh you are estranged gran like rest of us with all misery that entails and I wish you peace of mind and hope one day you are reconciled like I wish for all of us.

Not having best of days but dh is cooking dinner so could get better! X