Support for Grans cut-out of AC&GC lives

Footnote to my first post today;

When they didn't show at the first court case, the Judge was lovely and very sympathetic, if I had had this Judge for all the court hearing, I'm sure I would have got my permission to go to court for the visitation order. Anyway, back to the no-show at the first court case, the Judge was so annoyed with them for not showing up and wasting not just my time & the Judges, but of course the courts too! She phoned their house phone, she phoned both their mobiles and of course no answer. She then said the hearing is adjourned and she was going to send a bailiff to their house, giving them the date of the next court hearing. Whilst we were waiting for them to turn up, she heard my story and as I said, she was very sympathetic to my case.

I`m a bit hesitant to post this because I know I am very fortunate compared to many of you. Some of the regulars may remember that I was cut off from my grandchildren by DIL. DS finally separated from her in the summer and this weekend we saw the children for the first time in 15 months.
We had a wonderful time - and more importantly the children had a wonderful time and didn`t want to go home. They were surrounded by love from us and their great grandparents and other family members. They were made to feel cherished and important.
Don`t believe anyone who says children don`t miss out if they are cut off from grandparents. If they are deprived of their grandparents they are deprived of love - and there is no excuse for that.
Wishing you all the best for the coming weeks which I know will be difficult for you all

Eddiecat Thanks for posting and sharing your good news. I am very pleased for you, what a joy to be reunited with your dear grandchildren at this special time of year, your heart must be full, and thanks for your good wishes.

How wonderful, eddiecat! Thanks for sharing!

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Eddicat that's fantastic so very pleased you told us that and I am so pleased for you merry Xmas!

We had awful weather snow ice, but braved drive to Norwich whI hope was better weather there despite us turning back hmemat one point?
Amazing dinner damcemand shOw with,fabulous Dominic Kirwan bless himmlet dh take this pic of us while he was on stage !

Yogagirl if judge was sympathetic shame She didn't act fairly and grant you contact order!

I remember how awful it was for you,?

Starlady very good point and well put my dh was afraid of possible lies at court hearing judging by awful untruths in solicitor letter and the effect on us afterwards and during the stress of last 9 years has damaged us both enough,

Different Judge Celebgran I had 3 Judges, different one for all 3 court hearings, as I said if I had had the first one, I'm sure she would have given me permission to go to court for the 'visitation order' Again as I've said before, my s.i.l lied the whole way through the court case, the last Judge read a little of their 'statement' in court [written by his mum], but I didn't get to read it, where as they had a copy of mine.

Nice pic, glad you had a good time.

Such wonderful news eddieit must have been beyond words to have reunited with your GC after so lone.

I'm pleased that you posted about GC who are denied their GP's and wider family are missing out. There's a line in one of my favourite films 'Secrets and Lies' where the wife says to her husband 'you can't miss what you've never had' and he responds with 'can't you?'.

and a BIG (((hug))) for your wonderful son. I've said many times haven't I how wonderful he's been because although he couldn't take his children to see you because of his wife, he didn't allow her to destroy his relationship with you.

Ooo you look very glam Celebwhat a great photo and it's good to see you looking so well and happy.

It's awful when something so important to us is out of our hands Yogagirl and you end up being treated unfairly. Why did they get a copy of your statement if you couldn't have a copy of theirs?

Finished the Christmas cards and will wrap presents this afternoon. Only 4.5 days to go until DS arrives.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I just wanted to say one more thing before I bow out again for a while. DIL first cut us off 7 years ago -blaming us for all sorts of things. She has just recently pretty well admitted to our son that we did nothing wrong and it was all down to her. Every now and again someone will pop up on this thread insisting that you must have seen it coming and, if you are cut off, you must have done something to deserve it ("There`s always 2 sides to an argument" etc?). I just wish there was some way of making these people believe that this is very often not the case. Those of you who have been cut off have done nothing wrong, you don`t deserve it and you should be given every support to cope with your situation - not have accusations thrown at you and made to feel even worse

Thanks eddicat that means so much.

Even now I would be prepared to do anything within reason just to talk to my only daughter tears flow as I type this but I am v low despite wonderful weekend. None of us are perfect but I know I loved her same as my son and did my utmost always more for he than him really so younare correct eddicat most of us don't deserve this cruelty.

Someone said to me losing a dog isn't same as a human being and tears started I am still grieving for that little person love her.

Oh well back to present wrapping!

Thanks smilless it was wonderful night.

So pleased we were able to go despite weather just texted you ref address! Dh can't read my writing he does have a point.

I still don't understand yogagirl call me thick but didn't you actually get as far as applying for contact order?
So sorry don't mean upset u by bringing this up.

Well we delivered gifts to Tor godparents, godfather was there alone he was polite and gave us gift so now we will leave it ball in their court.
Very sad after all these years lets hope it can be resolved at some point.

Smileless When I sent my papers back to the courts, along with my statement as to why I had been cut off, they were returned to me, all officially stamped by the courts with the instructions that these need to be handed to the other party [my estD & s.i.l, a copy each] either by me or by a bailiff. I thought, great I will take the papers round and actual see them all, knowing s.i.l should be at work. This I did, I first held my D's hand and crying said please don't do this, I love you, I love Laila, I love Jack I handed L&J the milky buttons I always bought them, these were thrown out on the street & I was pushed out the door! If my D had acted differently, I wouldn't have handed her the court papers.
This was the time L&J ran along the large living room window waving to me and blowing me kisses I never received a copy of their statement, that was written by his mother. Maybe s.i.l wasn't at work. I now wish I hadn't handed her the papers, maybe my emotional appeal to her would have woken her up, after she had had time to think and seeing how much the C loved seeing me, their Nannie.

eddiecat Thanks for your kind words and do pop in from time to time to update us with more good news about your visits with your beloved GC after being kept apart for 7 long years I'm very happy for you. xx

Celebgran Owing to GP having no rights over GC, you have to go to court to get the permission to go to court for the visitation order, a parent wouldn't have to do this as they do have rights. I went 3 times, first time they didn't show, second time they contested, third time it was thrown out, so I didn't get the permission I needed to go to court for the visitation order. Phew!

I think anyone reading my story of the courts nightmare, the work involved with it all, not to mention the costs, would surely be put off [Hmm] and my advise to anyone who is thinking of going to court is Don't do it!

Yogagirl we used 2 different solicitors and my sons ex was solicitor I am well aware of first applying for leave to apply although this is usually just a formality we got that far,

I wouldn't advise anyone to do this unless all other avenues have been exhausted. It will damage forever thenrelationship with your child.

However it can work a friend did get contact order to see her Grandaughters so never say never.
It depends how very desperate you are, and if you accept the relationship with your child will be lost.

I think you were very unlucky yogagirl ?

Yogagirl it has changed now permisssion if obtained via for. Filling not going to court so since you applied this is major change also the mandatory mediation on both sides as I explained before, we could have gone straight onto court last year as our daughter didn't even answer letter inviting her to mediate.
Our solicitor said the judge would be annoyed as their time wasted, However we couldn't cope with the stress and toll on our health and we pray for some sort reconciliation with our daughter before we die.

Hi everyone.sorry to see after my absence, how Christmas is opening up the wounds of solicitors and courts for some of you. You all did what you thought was right at the time, just as you did when bringing your children up. You did nothing wrong, by keep going over it it is making you even more depressed because you can't change the past or your estranged child's point of view, it has to come from them. I think you should send them a Christmas card, saying they are always on your mind and the door always open and concentrate on those that do love and care for you. We don't know what the future holds and we can't change the past but we can make today happy for those around us. I know I will spend a lot of the holiday on my own, but I will enjoy my day with my son and family and get through the rest with quite possibly putting half a stone on, I will also come on here and those on there own with me, we can have a party.
Smileless, not long until your son is with you. How exciting. Daresay he will want to go into the local for a pint with his Dad and you, just normal stuff that means a lot.

Welcome back lucklylegs! Hope you had good week away?
I am bit tense but feeling lots better,

Totally agree we need try out past behind us, we can't change it, I have sent cards to ed and little ones but will now try focus on my dear son and partner he should be home from Afghanistan on Friday ?.

Had lovely Xmas lunch felt v tense before but my dear friend Anita who runs club saved me seat was good be surrounded by friends and was delicious meal really cheered me up then came home to lovely cards.

So life is looking up. Enjoy your day with your son lucklegs
Smilelss not heard back so have chanced got address right ? I must improve my writing.

Was very tense yesterday dh and I wrapped presents for xxx godparents and her mum we knew she was at work and dropped them over, xxx godfather was there and polite, but he made me tearful which won't go into gave us a gift and we said will leave it now
However dh did say in view of how depressed I am (tho thank god tablets kicking in) we are quite shocked at her lack of care. He did have manners to say hope felt better soon. It all left me Very tense, a legacy of the cruel way my daughter has behaved makes me very vulnerable.
Do you find that smilless and Yogagirl and lucklegs?
Having been rejected by someone you gave birth to makes. Me reluctant to lose anyone else.

Celebgran I had no idea one can now go straight to the courts, without the preliminary court hearings to get there, that is certainly major, I must have missed that on the news, maybe I was away, but I sooo wish that was the case when I went, I think the preliminary court hearing is the worst part to get through, well it certainly was for me, having to go 3 times!
I thought this was still being fought for in parliament If anyone has the link to this law change being passed, I would love to read it.

Luckylegs I have no address for my estD&estS, so can't post Xmas card to them. My GC, I buy a nice card, write it out and 'post' it in their gift sacks in my spare room

Celebgran yes of course this estrangement effects us regarding others rejection, but with me I feel having had my heart broken into a thousand pieces and my soul too, any more rejection would be 'water off a ducks back' in the respect that I have been hurt sooo much, I just can't be hurt anymore it's all been done.

Yogagirl, I do not agree that it is impossible to suffer any more pain because you've had enough. If for any reason, you didn't have nd and gc you would realise that, hopefully that will never be the case. We love a lot of people, all unique in in their own way. The thought of anything happening to my son is bad enough, I cherish him and his family and my sister and friends, all important to me. Of course it hurts being rejected and it comes over us in waves, that loss is always there deep down, but I refuse to let it make me bitter or define who I am. At the moment a woman lies in an induced coma having lost five children in an arson attack on her home, one child lives but critically ill. If the woman dies that child will have no one, just life changing injuries.if the worse happens that child can and will make a good life. Life throws things to different people for whatever reason but if we live there is always hope and someone worse off. I know if you get clinically depressed a person can lose sight of that and that's where medication helps. I am not judging, I too have at times got so low. Soon it will be the anniversay of my dh death and I have booked to go to a concert with friends instead of the usual ritual I follow, hope it works for me.

Eddie, I am more than thrilled for you. All the way through the worst of it, you put your son and gc first. Have a wonderful time all of you together. God bless.
Celeb, you look good, you are sounding so much better, just one day until your son is on home ground, that you can let your stays out.
Smileless, bet your hair and nails are done, the fridge and freezer full, the house decorated. Enjoy.

Oh lucklegs you so understand d bless you, as u kind ladies know losing my beloved Rosie tipped me into clinical depression was last straw, but med are kicking in and yes without my son I would struggle yet at my lowest even talking to him didn't help.

Please yogagirl let it go reliving it all will eat you up.
We did t pursue it as you know but I did mention on here law had changed I also think you were very unlucky with your solicitor Ours didn't even. Charge us for all advice as daughter didn't respond, she just said if we felt strong enough she would process court application where judges would not be happy to have their time wasted as daughter had refused mandatory meditation the whole idea is to save courts time. Let's face it there is enough horrific crime and for a daughter to refuse to mediate with loving parents and grandparents they consider as obstructive and a waste of courts time these are family matters not crimes,

Yes I too lucklegs agree xxx godparents have hurt me deeply despite Having been more hurt by daughter than most people are in a lifetime, there isn't a limit to pain,

Thank you lucklegs I feel so much better once I get over morning blues, when I woke at 6 45 today and goes round and round about ed and little ones and unkindness from v old friends.

However I must focus on lovely friends do have and heyho made new one at back physio! Last class today her employer won't let her have time off but we going acquacsie together after Xmas

Lucklegs??do hope that outing on anniversary of dh works for you this year. Thinking of you.

My beloved f i law anniversary on Sunday I have chosen a pretty red blank in fox container, think he would be amused! We are going for lunch with v good friends who has made me cake and chutney bless her.
Then will hopefully go to carols by candlelight in evening,

Saturday dh at work I will try keep busy.

Have good day all of you lovely pic yogagirl of you and little one decorating tree!? On Fb

??meant red plant, we choose the ones rabbits don't eat on grave!

Idk, celeb, but I bet if ed went to mediation, she wouldn't have agreed to anything, anyway. Judges would probably still be annoyed, but, "You can lead a horse to water, etc."

Want to add that, fwiw, I think you and dh were wise to let it go, celeb. Even if the judge was annoyed at ed, that doesn't mean you would have won your case. Idk know the specifics, of course, but if you couldn't prove that not seeing you would psychologically harm the children, they still may have conceded the decision-making to her and sil. Besides, if the courts don't like dealing with "family matters," they might be just as annoyed with gps for bringing them these cases in the first place.

Also, the fact that ed didn't show up for mediation suggests she was ready to fight very hard. It probably would have been a long, drawn-out battle, at best, and a losing one, at worst. It was nice for your solicitor to be encouraging, but as I said, I think you people were smart not to pursue it.