Support for Grans cut-out of AC&GC lives

Celebgran I didn't have a solicitor and the case is heard in the 'Family courts' not the 'criminal courts'

Luckylegs I'm not talking about death. If my ND, God forbid, cut me out, I wouldn't fight, I'd just walk away, I've even said this to my ND, that I love with all of my heart. I'm trying to think how to explain it to you......

I shouldn't be on here, as I'm between classes, must dash, so I'll be back tomorrow morning.

Luckylegs. Yes there's plenty of food but I don't know how long it will last. I hope you enjoy your concert and that going makes the anniversary of your husband's death more tolerable.

I had my hair cut today and the other lady being pampered started to talk about Christmas, how she loves it but it's not the same anymore because of her d.i.l.

When I expressed an interest she said I wouldn't believe it, so I told her she'd be amazed at what I'd believe and why. We shared horror stories and it turns out that my hairdresser wasn't allowed to see her maternal GP's so when she was 16 she sought them out. Sadly her GM had died but she struck up a really good relationship with the GF, much to her mother's annoyance. She said she's never been able to forgive her mum for depriving her of one half of her family, just because she'd fallen out with her parents.

She said that she visited her GM's grave and said how sorry she was that she never knew her. When I was leaving she gave me a hug and said my d.i.l. had discarded a wonderful m.i.l. and our ES a wonderful mum. What a lovely thing to say.

Yogagirl. There's no point in fighting when the battle's already been lost.

Yogagirl the courts are in same building barristers specialise in different aspects i.e. Family, crime, divorce etc

You were at huge disadvantage without solicitor even just for advice we were t going employ barrister to represent us just for advice.

Please try and let it go as said before.

I am sorry you had such awful,experience we over 9 years have seen 3 different solicitor s so please don't try and imply I am not well aware of everything we last looked into this a year ago so things have changed as tried to tell you.

Judges are not happy to have their time wasted hence the mandatory mediation it is the same for divorce cases also mediation for custody is mandatory.

Hi ladies, haven't been on here for a while, just been reading all your posts.
Celeb I'm so pleased that your medication is beginning to kick in. You say mornings are still bad for you, that's normal with clinical depression, but you feel better through the day. Keep going, you're doing well.
Smileless nearly the 17th, it's nearly here, you must be really looking forward to seeing him. Enjoy this time with your son.
Luckylegs you've made a good decision to do something different on your DHs anniversary, hopefully it will distract you a bit, though you'll still remember. Sometimes a change is good.
Yogagirl what a terrible time you and Celeb both with the courts/legal stuff. It's so wrong that grandparents have no legal rights in the UK.
Eddie what a wonderful ending to your story. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your grandchildren.
We have had developments with our story, but it's late, I'll look in again tomorrow, and update you.

Smileless, as you know I think gc will seek the truth as they reach maturity. The controlling of little children is relatively easy but not so when they become adults and think and act for themselves. Keep an open and loving heart and a home they will want to visit. We have all lost so much of the joy of gc. I bought my children up to be caring, in a close relationship with their families, if one chooses, for whatever reason to cut them all off, it's their loss too. I can never feel the same about estranged daughter, still love her, but we would have nothing in common now, what she did is incomprehensible, so I have no unrealistic hopes on that score. I have no bitterness, wish her well, but it's a big thing for her to carry round on her shoulders. I do think as I meet different people, there is no such thing as a perfect, Walton type family, we just have to deal with what we have and not expect too much. The kindness of people astounds me sometimes and that is what matters.

Amazing Smileless I had the same thing when I struck up a conversation with a lady walking her dog in the park. How awful the GM had died, so didn't see her beloved GD. In my will I have put that I want on my gravestone;
Do not stand at my grave and tell me you love me, tell me you miss me, for these are the words I longed to hear when I was alive

Celebgran with all respect, the law hasn't changed, GP's rights are being fought for in parliament right now, you still have to go to court, filling in all the forms, writing your statement, doing all the paper work [which I did myself] to get permission to go to court to get the visitation order to see your GC.

In France GP have rights, so they can go straight to the courts, as a parent would, to seek a visitation order, not so in UK.

Your right Celebgran I did need a solicitor, I was fine filling in all the forms, the paper work, my statement, I was fine with the first two court hearings, but the last one I definitely did need a, Barrister, as they talk the talk and I didn't, I was out of my depth. My estD & s.i.l did have a Barrister however! My ND & I always wondered who paid for their Barrister, as we knew they couldn't afford it, only last year we found out who.....my ex! the only time he's ever put he's hand in his pocket!

I think he did this as my estD never wanted anything to do with him, didn't like him. He walked out on us all when she was 3yrs and after the first year, saw the C a couple of times per year, then moved to Indonesia, so then only at funerals or weddings. I never encouraged the dislike, I always said to my C, he's your Dad, you can love him
So think he was chuffed when he was suddenly 'father of year' brought in by my nasty s.i.l to crucify me yet more.

*Yogagirl, it seems significant to me just reading your last post, but your ex abandoned you and the children when your ESD was just three years old. My own sister cut us all off when my little daughter was eight years old (we have been back in contact with my sister now for many years, but we were estranged for about seven years) and I wonder if in some cases, though certainly not all cases, if the cutting off behaviour is learned at an early age, and then somehow seems to be perfectly normal behaviour to those children when they reach adulthood. It’s just a theory of mine.

Yogagirl the law has change regarding mandatory mediation please try read my posts with due respect we only did this year ago.
Yes you still have to apply for leave but not at court hearing
I can give you no of our solicitor if y still don't believe me. It is done by forms.

Thank you maddyone and I do hope things are better for you., and it's good news the development.

Had horrid setback yesterday my b pressure was sky high so nurse insisted I go back next week?

We were having mutual friends of xxxx godparents round last night when got back from physio (brilliant but last one) had email written at 1.37 saying she felt under the weather! I had gone lot trouble buying bits and bobs transpired was an excuse she didn't want to get involved as godmother went school with her, there is now way I would have involved her! Would have been kinder to have let me know earlier
This is from a religious person chapel every Sunday !

Heyho good news my son back in uk and has rung me.
He isn't surprised by godparents behavhiour oh it was sooo good to hear his voice!

Roll on. Xmas.

Lucklegs it's sad but true however much we love our estranged ones the hurt of last 9 years will stay with me until my grave, when read obituaries saying adored granny it cuts like a knife we haven't had that option,

Yogagirl focus on what u have please try let your horrendous court experience go yes you should have taken legal advice but hindsight is wonderful thing, don't forget if you had won you would have lost your daughter

I agree with starlady we were wise to let it go.

Poor dh has toothache so got dash dentist

Wanted to add smilless your hairdresser right those little boys have missed out on lovely gran.

I like to think our 3 have also dh is so good with our great niece and nephew.
I would have loved and treasured them can't bear to dwell on all that I have missed and will probably never be gran now.

Celeb. You are a gran, to three, step gran to two. You cannot do the things you would like to have done, but nothing can change the facts. You will allways be your three gc grandmother. One day they will seek you out.

Hello again, you are right Celeb, it is good news. After we wrote to DD that we would meet with after Christmas, she sent an angry email saying that since we couldn't find the time to meet with her until after Christmas, in that case our relationship has irrevocably broken down and so we will be cut off completely! No visits, no gifts, no cards, no contact. My DH sent an email back saying that we prefer to have a nice relationship with her and her children but if that's how she/they feel that we accept their decision.

The very next morning the phone rang, it was DD asking us if we'd like to go to the twins Nativity at their nursery!! We went, they were cool but okay with us. She has since discussed with DH (on the phone) what we can get the children for Christmas. She is still being quite cool but is going to her brother's 40th birthday tomorrow. She has refused to go to her other brother's Christmas party (this is the brother she is jealous of) so we probably won't see her over Christmas. DH says you can't rationalise the irrational.

The relationship is far from being normal, but maybe now there may be a chance to improve things. We'll have to see, but I'm very wary.

I wish I could give you all the gift of your grandchildren for Christmas.

Morning Maddy
I'm not sure about your theory, as my ND doesn't have that frame of mind. My Son at 6yrs was devastated when his dad left, I thought that my youngest being just 3yrs it wouldn't effect her as much as the older two, yet over the years I could see the opposite seemed to be. When ever he visited, which as I said was only a couple of times per year, as he still lived in Holland where my youngest was born, she seemed to have a melt down, I couldn't do anything with her, took me a while to link her behaviour with his visits, but it was definitely that. Without doubt a father living the family home would have a huge negative impact
on the children, unless he was abusive, which their dad wasn't. I tried very hard to get him not to leave us, but the call of bachelorhood beckoned with all the Thai girls where he worked after him

That was so hard yogagirl ?Didn't realise you were left with such young family to raise. Sorry if tactless but did you marry again?

Thanks lucklegs for those kind words! I certainly hope I see my Grandaughters one day.

Dh going work as last Saturday ever he retires next Tuesday having made huge decision not to register as pharmacist again. Massive step for him.
He has worked so hard and is 72 now! All those years working forhis family the most unselfish person on planet.
I love him so much.

Maddyone am so very pleased for you, so glad dh handled it so well and you got to see nativity! Beyond pleased for you.??

Molly Just read your last post. So good news & bad, but looks like you & your husband did the right thing and your D has realised you are not going to dance to her tune, in time I hope it will all smooth out, but as for being jealous of her brother & nephew, that's not good, especially against the little one

I berate myself all the time at my reaction at being cut off Years back,*B*said on here; just treat their behaviour like a child having a tantrum, let them kick their legs & arms up & throw their dummy out the pram and wait for the tantrum to pass or words to that effect, but truer words never spoken!

Smileless one day to go!

Yes I did marry again Celebgran and had 4 stepchildren but all the C got on well, we needed have very big dinning table

Oh yes Maddy you went to GC Nativity play, how wonderful, that was one of my biggest heartaches, not seeing my beloved GD in her Nativity play They only do those when the C are very young

Need to add: My GS was only 18mnths, so quite a few years before his turn

Gosh yogagirl sounded big family!

Sadly that marriage didn't work either? Sorry sounds like quizzing you just thinking what you have had to go thrOugh are you in touch with stepchildren?

Got dh off going try relax now poor chap not slept well with tooth infection but at least dentist doing it next Friday ??

After awful stress of Thursday realising my oldest friends not got mynback need to destress allow myself one sedatative a day seeing gp Monday
Thank goodness mood lifts during day u right maddyone clinical depression always worst am.

Thank goodness can see light end tunnel but xxx godparents have hurt me deeply. If you're unable be friend to someone at lowest ebb its not good especially after 46 years!

Such is life and I am blessed with other lovely friends too and wonderful son and husband not to mention great support from wonderful ladies on here.

Another v old friend is making me cake and chutney to bring tomorrow when we go for lunch how kind is that?

Ps reminds me my estranged daughter was Mary the star part in her nativity! I was so proud!

Try hard not to dwell on 3 little ones we have missed so much of, I did hope and pray when xxx saw her dad after youngest was born we may get chance but it wasn't to be she must be 4 now.?

Further back still my ds when at playgroup the little ones sang away in a manger for the mums oh it was emotional!
He will be 40 in January!

Bless him he rang me yesterday after landing back safe from Afghanistan he is so understanding and said mum xxx godparents have no idea what you are going through and other things I won't say on here, but it wonderful have him back in uk can't wait c him Xmas eve!

Smilless bet you getting ??all excited is it tomorrow?
How long will he stay for? Enjoy,

Celebgran 7 teenage C proved too much for our marriage as time pasted, sadly. His C moved to USA shortly after we broke up. The C keep in touch, I did have a time when his eldest C messaged me and we began quite a long communication time span, but haven't heard for a while now, she has two C now

Excuse the typos

You have been through a lot yogagirl hugs ? xx

Typos ????

I am king of them Yogagirl ?

Todays the day Smileless
Hope your Son has a late flight, very foggy this morning! Although I have seen planes going over, so they are flying. Have a wonderful time with your Son