Support for Grans cut-out of AC&GC lives

Oh yes Celeb I'd forgotten about Yogagirl'sretreat. Hope your tummy settles down. We fly on Friday. Just hope Trump doesn't start a war with North Korea while we're over there or we'll end up stranded.

Might need your address Rhinestone just in case.

I enjoyed caring for our boys, and still do when I get the chance with DS and I enjoy caring for Mr. S. too. It's what you do for those you love isn't it.

Yes Smilelss it's what you do when you love people !

Cancelled lunch with friend. Thsday a d going chill tomorrow while dh working hope tummy settles.
Breakthrough that stopped morphine all day!

Also got date go see no 1 son 14 oct, and a rosie sitter with our main one in hospital ?

Smilless enjoy will miss you please text or let us know on here that u arrive ok. Happy holidays everyone is away except us ?

My cake turned out well, smells good, also made a Victoria Sandwich today, to take to a lunch group I meet with every so often and we're meeting tomorrow, we all used to work together, but all retired now.
I enjoy caring for those I love, I want mum to have a lovely 90th, she doesn't want a big party, and anyway, with family living at different ends of the country it's difficult. So we are taking her and all the family to lunch, I've got balloons and confetti, my DiL will arrive at the restaurant first and do the table for me. Thank God for my good DiL. Only fly in the ointment, will DD arrive with her family? Who knows, but I've warned mum she might not come. Mum's very pragmatic, never mind she says, we'll still have a good time. She's been through it before of course, with my sister. Then her two nieces and her nephew, (my cousins) and their spouses are taking her out when she goes home, and she's thrilled about that. What will my sister do? I don't know, as she's not well again.

celebgran hope your tummy settles, horrible feeling, a bad tummy. I think you need a nice piece of cake, but as I can't give you a real one, here's a virtual one . Get well soon.

celeb yes sadly, Christmas around the corner and the sadness we know we will be dealing with. I am giving the present money I would have been spending to a charity and some to my church priest for it to be given to help a family with no money.

Smilelessso sorry to hear about ES claiming he had not been helped. I experienced this at first with ES saying he had had no help, when I furnished his and DiL first home.

Also, earlier this year my exDH and my ES father, brought my ES up. They had had contact, and exDH had been persuaded by ES that a reconciliation with me was imminent and ES reckoned he was in contact with me.

Fairy stories, I told exDH. There has been no contact for years.

What can I say, fellow estranged nans?

Guilt, possibly delusion and being a bit Walter Mitty causes more complications.

Anyway, being treated to lunch tomorrow by a lovely friend, then a meditation course later on this week.

If that doesn't enhance calmness, nothing will!

Smileless I hope we aren’t in a war either. But you are always welcome. You can have your own room and bath. Just stay away from Mar- A- Lago south east of you. I’m sure that would be first to go.
My X husband wished me a happy birthday on Facebook but never called my GD on her birthday a few weeks ago. So here is a grandfather who is able to see his GD but doesn’t . The irony of all this!
Thanks for your thoughts on my now again ES. He clearly has anger issues. He was bullied by his dad and abused physically ( thus my divorce) . So now he acts just like him. My very sweet boy who was no trouble to raise is now very troubled. We just do t know do we?

Rhinestone we really don't know do we how things pan out,my estranged daughter was the one in daily contact who seemed to need me soooo badly always now nothing for 8 years and too much damage done to ever repair, worst of all knowing how ill and scared I have been with major back surfer you and not even a simple get well card,

Yet my son has been my rock and he wasn't always In Touch regularly far from it, life works out so different it seems like he was the genuine one of the two so sad to think estranged daughter took all she could before cutting us off,
That hurts most of all and the fact that she just doesn't care

I have to try so hard to let it go,

Long day today alone not helping,

Rosie posie very naughty new vet said cook sweet potatoes and carrot but bulk did so specially with fresh cooked chicken little rascal not eaten it,

Tummy still sore thanks ladies but little better,
Had bad night think stopped morphine too quickly foot was v sore back on it today. Just could t sleep.

Another beautiful day been watering plants and pottering,

Maddyone hope your mums 90th is supberb.
My late f i law got to 90 I had cake made and s imlaw did BBQ this was about 18 months before he died and they cut us offl

Whatever I did or didn't do I feel no guilt or anger at them it is what it is just sad for 3 little girls who have lost huge chunk of loving family.

My daughter was volatile and far from perfect who is?
I certainly made misakes I am sure I am also sure I never deserved this heartache none of us did,

Just glad to be

Ops frozen again just very glad for my wonderful son and those that do love us and care for us
21 beautiful cards for my birthday
Lost count get well cards around 30 so someone loves me even if sadly not my only daughter.

Smilelss are you all packed?

Celeb, too much time on your own is not good, that's when I get down, but it passes thank goodness.You are doing so well and have lots of lovely people in your life.
Smikeless, have a great break, you have chosen a good time to go.
Rhinestone, you are certainly going through it, so hard dealing with your son after what you suffered with his father, he is a troubled and unhappy young man, I wonder if he would have counselling, but there again if it's not his idea you would get into more trouble mentioning it.?
I don't think any of us realises how our children really feel.
The news today of Lady Lucan dying alone made me feel a bit sad, she has never seen her grandchildren and all her children abandoned her and supported their father.

Thanks Celebgran and Luckylegs9
Yesterday I went to a therapist who I haven’t seen in six months. My head needed a tune up. She told me she thought my son definitely had some mental illness. She said the paranoia starts with some reality connected to it and then can become more unreal. I had asked my son the other day to go with me to a family counselor but he would have none of it. There is nothing wrong with him he said... me and the rest of the family are dysfunctional and he can’t be around us.
I can only tell you that mental illness have shook up and ruined my family. Mom being bipolar, DD and brother have clinical depression and anxiety and panic and now this with my son. It’s just like a sore that spreads throughout but you just can’t see it.

Mental illness I think to some extent all of us are scarred and suffering to some degree how can you go through estrangement with Out.
Hospital rang again can we be here let neibor in! We weren't good enough to tell us how she was! She still confused! Her cousin is livid they want discharge her!
No food in house!,
We going out for lunch after cleaner been. I amstruggling cope another bad night not able do very much for her much as we love her,
We having online shop and ? no cleaner so not very able!

Celebgran so sorry you're still having a bad time, I do hope you're able to get as better night's sleep tonight, without sleep it's very difficult to cope.
I think you're right though about the mental health, both of us EGs, and about those who estrange us. How can these situations arise without there being some element of impaired mental health. Rhinestone it sounds as if your ES has some issues, particularly as there are mental health issues in the family. I also have this experience, some years ago my sister cut off the entire family for seven years, it was only because she set off with a knife to kill her MiL that she eventually received treatment. She was seeing a psychiatrist for over two years, and she was told she needs to take medication for the rest of her life, none the less she had a relapse earlier this year and is really not good at all again. I myself have suffered from depression and anxiety for a few years. I take antidepressants now and am fine, but I know that I need them in order to feel normal. My niece (sister's daughter) is similar, suffers depression and anxiety but is okay as long as she takes her medication. Other members of the family suffer from anxiety related conditions such as alopecia. Crucially my daughter suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, and self harming when she was at university, and she has taken medication to control this, but has refused to take medication for a number of years. And now here we are, yet another episode of cutting us off. Like your daughter Celeb, and your son Rhinestone, she has regularly screamed and shouted at us, she has picked fights with us, she has tried to control us, and she has tried to turn us against her brothers and their spouses by telling us outrageous lies about them. But I doubt you'll have any success Rhinestone in getting your son any treatment, they tend to reject treatment as it's the parents and other family members who are wrong.

And in all of this I still think that the partners of EC have much, much to do with it. It seems to happen when two people get together who feed off one another, and produce a toxic situation. And the children, parents, and other members of the family are the the recipients of this toxicity, so quote from my daughter a few years ago 'xxx (her husband) hates the boys (her brothers).'

Maddyone your so right
Our daughter said it was all me and I prefer not to think of dreadful stuff she said about me.

Life goes on and today our amazing cleaner worked magic upstairs then dh took me for lunch sadly tum flared up again but managed go round get centre with stick! We chose some lovely perennials and ambeautfiulmgrwgrant red rose we couldn't resist to mark our anniversary with an lovley black container when set will upload,

Am sorry maddyone that you.are on mediciaiton. But if it helps then that's all that matters.
I haven't been on anything for well over
10 years but if I became clinically depressed again I would rush to get help.

My ed was obsessed with me getting help it was rather insulting to be honest. My counsellor wondered if she neeeded help and was projecting this fear onto me?!

Omg I have been tearful again ojrmdear friends son had 12 hour op today and is in intensive care overnight poor poor parents it made me cry and feel so sad thiniingnof my daughter does that make sense?

Oh dear typos beautiful fragment rose?Will upload photo when planted !

Maddyone xxx partner is highly instrumental in our estrangement he has shouted and swore at dh and goento police anything to get rid of us for good so very sad.

Celebregran, stop going over what your d said and did to you. You have come so far and it just brings you down, you have to look after yourself. We can all pick things over, there is nothing you can do. when I start doing that I get so depressed.? It's out of our hands, we just have the now.

CelebgranI am sorry you are still not 100% but it will happen. I too rehash the last email and dinner we had with ESS and wife. It can drive you mad your brain. At this point your DD may care about you having your operation but is too proud to call and find out how you are doing.
The other day when my son said he needed a break from my DD and myself I told him I had enough and not to come to my funeral. Really it is better to never hear from our DC again then to have this on again off again relationship.
My mom and DD are on meds for their issues. Mom has been stable for a year which is nice for me as I am not looking her around the country not knowing where she is going. My brother refuses meds and has been out of his home once in eight months.
And I’m sure my DS would never take any. He is in to natural healing and won’t take a flu shot or use antibiotics .
It is what it is and all I wanted was fully functioning children. Well maybe my DGC will be able to do that.
My good friend is taking me out for my birthday by the lake. That will cheer me up.
Have a great day all

Rhinestone did I. Missmypur birthdsy sorry! ???????enjoy lunch with your friend.

Lucklegs u are very wise let it go!

As to her caring rhinestone that's doubtful but I would love to think so.

Off see film now justmwalked to shops.,! Not easy but got do it

Wow walking to the shops, you will be jogging next Celeb.
Think the worst thing about being dumped by your own family, is that it shakes your very being and you can become introverted and depressed. When I look at some of my comments, I come over as self pitying a lot of the time and depressed. Know I was told often enough I got on her nerves, but also know I can't turn the clock back and do things differently and so have to live with it. Knowing for me, she is happier without me is which is hard , now Smileless knows her son is not happy and has become a different person since the nc, which indicates that her son is far from happy with the situation, a lot of men are so week they go along with their wives, don't want the hastle. So there are children with partners that are controlling,there are those with mental health issues, it is so complex and there are no easy answers, I am just so glad that for whatever reason that we are all estranged, we have that common bond, we didn't ask for this and those that might judge us should just try being in our shoes.
At the moment I am positive, couple of weeks ago I wasn't,nburnham I do think generally we are all a bit better than we were.
?

Celeb, sorry you're still not feeling well. Hope you feel better soon.

Smileless, I totally get your being wary of reconciling with es. I might be, too, if I had gone through what you and Mr. S have been through.

Wonder if your moving got to him in some way?

Luckylegs, nothing wrong with your posts, imo. Of course, you sound upset sometimes. Par for the course, I think. You've been hurt and that doesn't totally go away, even if time has passed.

Rhinestone, thinking it over, climate change is a big issue for some people. If they believe in it (I do), then they see it as affecting the future of the human race. If they don't, then, ime, they see those of us who do as "fearmongers" and very irritating.

So yes, I can imagine people yelling about it. I wouldn't. And I especially wouldn't ruin someone's birthday over it. Would stay off the subject or change it if it came up. But I can see where some people's tempers could flare up if the topic arose.

If they feel strongly enough about it, I can see where they might even want a break from those with the opposite beliefs. I wouldn't let it break me up with my family, but I guess some people, like your ds, would. I don't like the idea, but I can see where it could happen.

I don't understand his pushing you away though. All you were doing was looking out for the children. Again, the break is probably better for you, as well.

I don't blame you for not wanting this on-and-off situation though. Who would? If he reaches out to you again, what do you think you'll do?

StarladyMy son asked my mother and DD if they believed in it. They said they did but he started up by saying that the scientists who said there was climate change weren’t really scientists. But then began screaming at my DD because she didn’t believe like him. But the worst was in the car when he yelled violently about my DD giving her DD too much sugar which she hadn’t. He feels he can tell everyone what they are doing wrong in their lives yet it’s easier to do that than look at himself. He scared me so I can’t inagine what my DGC felt. How conflicted to love someone who is abusive to your mother. I have thought over and over about how to mend this. He needs deep psychological counseling. He is paranoid about the government and has some wacky theories about time travel and aliens etc. He told me a week ago that “ it’s starting” and to celebrate my birthday before my day. He is scaring me and I don’t think I can see him or be in his life without some help for him. Unfortunately people with mental problems do t see it. When my DM had a psychotic break she told me later, when she was well, that it all seems to be real.
I’m sad and scared and angry all rolled up into one

Hi ladies, just popped on to let you know we arrived in Florida yesterdayand I'll be catching up on everyone's posts later.

Rhinestoneto be going on with until I have time to read your post in full.

Happy holidays Smilelss thanks for letting us know

I have throat infection now to add to tummy trouble so feeling bit ?

Managed go to rock n roll show last night bit felt ill.
Slept all morning then d.
Neibor cousin called round she k ew I was ill but, needed an ear neibor discharged butmat 93 just a little difficult!
God know how she will manage no one has been sent to help with shopping etc. And we are currently paying someone to help us!

Oh, Rhinestone, I'm so sorry. It really does sound as if mental illness is the problem. Sounds like your son really does need counseling and maybe even medication. But I doubt you could get him to see it.

"I’m sad and scared and angry all rolled up into one."

Of course, you are. What parent wouldn't be? My heart is with you.