I want my own life

.....and I believe that is how it should be for you as well!

I they are ill or unhappy or have horrible things happen to them then of course you step in and help, as they would step in and help you. If you have more money than you need, and they have less than they need, opf course you help out, and buy things for them. That is indeed what family does.

But what if you need a holiday but they want to change their car? What if you are tired and ill and getting older, but they are going on holiday and automatically expect you to look after several boisterous pets? What if their house needs redecorating and "Dad could do it while we are away." Should you always sacrifice your own interests for theirs?

Elegran, as ever, you sum it up perfectly.

Monica Quite a lot of these posts assume that it is either/or - that either you are delighted to do anything and everything for your family, to spend all your money on buying them things, to give up all thought of taking a much-needed holiday, to clean and wash and shop for them, and treat them as helpless infants, or you refuse to do anything, you would let them starve in a freezing garret before you spend a couple of pounds on buying them a tin of beans and a hot water bottle, you put your own comfort first and you keep your money firmly locked away and the key hidden.

It is not like that. If your children need you, you are there, but if they can do it themselves, they don't need you to do it for them - they need themselves to be strong, capable and independent.

And they need a parent who is NOT feeling like a cross between a free childminder, a free cleaning and decorating service and a free ATM.

Treat yourself, give them plenty of notice and you will feel refreshed and alive and be so pleased to come back and tell them all about your adventures. They are taking you for granted, look after yourself first

Elegran, I have noticed that too. Short of parading all the times you have at great sacrifice gone to enormous lengths to help your children in times of need, there is not much one can do about it. The compensation is having a DC take you out for a very nice meal to say thank you for some help you have given in a crisis or going to a DC to do some holiday child minding and finding all your favourite foods in the fridge.

Totally understand GrandmaJules I feel like that sometimes and then one of the grandchildren (and sometimes their parents) will just come out with something so lovely that I know I’m appreciated.

However I do take myself off for a few days sometimes. In August I went to the Edinburgh Fringe, alone, though I did meet up with some rather lovely Scottish grand for a quick coffee. And next week I’m taking myself off again to Liverpool where I’ll meet up with some ex-colleagues, for a couple of hours. The rest of the time away will just be for me to wander and do my own thing.

A little appreciation goes a long way. It doesn't have to be fulsome praise and enormous bouquets. There have ben other posters who feel that all they do is taken for granted, and it doesn't even occur to their children that gran gets tired and desponmdent too, and doesn't have the reserves of energy that she had when she was younger - or that she has worked hard for her savings, and deserves to spend some on herself, not always on bailing them out.

Yes grandmajules I think most of us on here feel the same and you know what we only have ourselves to blame because we have brought our children up to be reliant on us because we did and still do toooo much for our children

I know you want to be a good mum and don't stop being a good mum but do start being good to yourself too