Marriage over on wedding anniversary

I really feel for you - I was married to a violent drunk for 11 years. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter what we do, in the end it is up to them how they do or don't deal with the problem. The only thing we can control is if we let them decide what kind of life we have. It will be hard, you need to mourn the loss of your marriage and all your hopes for your relationship. You need to focus on yourself now and your birthday will be tinged with sadness but can also be the beginning of your new life. It will take time and you can have a happy ending - I met a wonderful man 2 years after my divorce and we are still happy together 19 years later - never give up on you happy life.

How sad but you have done the right thing. You deserve better than to be with someone who lies to you and is abusive for your own sanity you needed to end it. Good luck in the future it can only get better x

I hope your birthday is a good one and even amidst the sadness that there is some relief I hope you have someone to share your day with, family or friends and do something for you, have a massage or a pamper even if it’s on your own something to give you back some love of yourself
Keep your dignity and done imagine the past was not as bad as you remember it was probably worse
Happy birthday ?

I am so sorry because even with his problems you must have loved him and you may feel abandoned.Endure it for peace will come sooner or later.A burden will be lifted from yur shoulders.Keep eating and doing nice things.My best wished

Only one way to go when you are down and thats up. Onwards and Upwards was what was said to me thirty years ago. Got married again and divorced again BUT my! have I had an interesting life and wouldnt change a thing.

Happy Birthday for tomorrow xxx

It's definitely not your fault and if he ever decides to seek treatment, he will come to realise this. You've done the right thing in ending it as you need to live your life free from his demons.
However, some alcoholics can turn things around and get better but only if they choose to seek help.
My DH is 20+ years in recovery and the most amazing special person I've ever known. I've also met other recovering alcoholics with 20+ years in recovery (women) and they are wonderful kind people and dear friends, so please don't assume that every alcoholic won't change. If they get the right treatment and support, anything is possible.

I was married to a man who was an alcoholic he stopped drinking a few years after we married and stayed sober for 17 years; even though he was very difficult to live with I always tried to support him. He drank again and similar story to yours disappeared but left a trail of chaos, as he had done 17 years earlier. A year later he came back we tried again for us and the sake of the children (even though they were late teens and twenties) but he couldn’t stop drinking and I had the first year of my life without drama and being blamed and told everything was my fault. I couldn’t go back. I thought my life was over but my life is a thousand times better. You have made the right decision. It’s very hard but you will get through this and your life will be better. Maybe not immediately. Time takes time. Hope you have a happy birthday - you have so much to look forward too.

Not much consolation, but 'Happy Birthday', and a new day and the rest of your life. Good luck and best wishes xx

So sorry
Have you children to support you and help you thru next few months ?
I don't have to imagine your anguish as I've been where you are now
Left
And spending my twilight with a remarkable man
Go for it ....
???

Denil963, remember you never have to feel this bad again.
You have hit bottom so the only way to go is up.
He will probably turn on the sob stories when he sobers up and realizes that you mean it this time. Don't be fooled alcoholics try to destroy everyone around them.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. Have a good one , you deserve it.

Have a good birthday ?? Here's to new beginnings

So sorry to hear this. You've been through s lot with him, now it's time to break free. There is life after, I have proved that to myself when I left my husband after 25 years marriage and at the age of 60. All the best for your new future.

I'm so sorry, but as a lot of people have said, your ending the marriage will probably be a blessing in disguise. You had a few happy years together but now it's time to put yourself first. Best wishes for your future happiness.

You are a brave a resilient lady and you've done the right thing. Happy birthday and this the first day of the rest of your life so go and enjoy it. As me aulde gran would say "wipe your mouth and move on" Good luck

It’s very sad to end a marriage as we all start with such high hopes but you have done the right thing. I found myself about to marry an alcoholic who became increasingly violent and abusive. It took me two and a half years before I finally left for good after many attempts at trying to help him . He sent me abusive texts , wouldn’t allow me to sleep, tried to control who I saw, spoke to etc. His first wife became an alcoholic and died in mysterious circumstances and I would’ve been next. Make a clean break . Nobody can save an alcoholic. They have to decide to do that for themselves. I wish you luck in your new start without this monster.

Good for you! Think of it as a birthday present to yourself. I suffered over 40years with a really heavy drinker who would never admit to being an alcoholic. He got extremely abusive when he drank and couldn’t remember anything the next day so denied any knowledge of how bad he had been. I (quite wrongly, I now believe) stuck it out for,the children as he worked away most of the time and therefore we did have some respite. He has since died due to his excessive drinking and I finally feel free

Hope you are having a good birthday, despite the circumstances. It's a new start for you, but know it must be hard, you obviously loved and still do love him, but some times as in your situation, you have no option but to walk away. It will get better, you only have to read what others have one. All the best to you.

I hope your birthday is as happy as it can be given the circumstances, and it sounds as if you have made a wise and timely decision. From bitter observation of a dear friend's marriage I am aware that alcoholics spread unhappiness and disaster, financial hardship and real heartbreak unless they do really get a grip and want to be cured. I have sympathy with any addict, but so much more for ladies like you. who truly suffer the fall out. Good luck with your future Denil.

Alcoholics are a nightmare to live with. And they don't often change. Bless you, I hope your life improves dramatically now you've made this hard decision.

Happy birthday Denil963, it is a very positive day on which to start the rest of your life. I have been where you are and found the death of my dreams and expectations hard to bear. It seemed like my future had disappeared but that had to happen for another brighter future to appear over the horizon.

Even though you are leaving him you still need support. Here is the website addy for the worst kept secret in The U.K. It is a fellowship I still attend as the ex is alcoholic not in recovery. Long left him: 17 years since we left however his behaviour can still impact even though I have rebuilt a good happy life for myself and I am happily remarried. Nothing to lose. It's an awesome fellowship which works on the principle of like-minded people

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/public/faqs-about-al-anon

It is so not your fault, that's his cop-out. Drunks and abusive partners always make someone else feel worse than they do just to make them feel better. They justify their behaviour by blaming their partner. You didn't open his mouth and pour the alcohol in. He did it by himself and selfishly for himself. Well done you for standing up and taking charge. But be warned if you love him he'll try and get back, you must have strategies in place for dealing with that. Be strong if you don't want to spend years yo-yoing back and forth. It's also tough listening to people criticising the person you probably still love. You'll make excuses for him as well but Al-anon are a great bunch. (Just like us lot, a huge support) you don't have to do this on your own. And happy birthday, go treat yourself to something special that's just for the new you and block his calls for the day. xx

Den1963 my heart really goes out to you especially as I went through a relationship destroyed by alcohol. None of this is your fault. You obviously still have feelings for him and in the cold light of day he for you. However, you have to distance yourself from him for the sake of your own health. You could get support from Alanon but they may encourage you to try again which only makes it harder in the long run. Tell your family just how it is and they will support you. He did give up for sometime and may give up again but he has destroyed your trust in him.

I clung on for too long in hope and that was a mistake. Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, the disease can be contained by TOTAL abstinence but just a sip can send them back to square one. I truly loved my then girlfriend of 10 years and splitting up left me feeling sad. She blamed me but I did my best to stop her drinking, she felt it was her right to drink and never really understood its effect on those around her. I have since met and married a new partner who does not touch a drop.

Best wishes and do what is best for you.

Denil963
After six years and no improvement you are doing the right thing. We are all entitled to happiness.
Good luck. Enough is enough.

DENIL1963....I agree with all that has been said by others....for what it's worth. You probably feel very frightened at the moment. But when I was in your situation I decided to live ONE DAY AT A TIME.Sending Good Wishes to you and please continue to let us know how you are keeping.