Marriage over on wedding anniversary

Given what you've said, you've definitely made a good decision. Today is the start of a new, safer, life. Happy Birthday!?

You will never change him. Even if he gives up there is always the fear he will start again, and most do. I have been on my own for 20 years and they are the happiest ever. No more verbal and physical abuse, no more trying to hide the truth from family and friends, no more shame. What I have got now is safety, piece of mind, money in the bank and the ability to go where I want, do that I want, and be happy. I wish you everything I have. Living on my own is the best thing ever. We are hardwired to think we need a partner. Everyone thinks you must be sad and lonely. I laugh to myself because I never have to do so anything I don't want to. Cherish your friends and family. Their love is so much more honest than an alcoholics. They only love the bottom of the whisky bottle.

Definitely not your fault, and I hope you will be able to get some support somewhere because you need to start putting yourself first from now onwards. As some of the others have said, make sure you have a special day tomorrow with lots of indulgent treats just for you - you really deserve it.
Happy Birthday for tomorrow, and this is the start of your new life - who knows what is round the corner. Good luck

Think of this as a gift to yourself. Wishing you the very best of LUCK

How horrible for you and him. Alcoholism is such a vicious thing for everybody caught up in it. When your husband eventually chooses to sober up he will no doubt be ashamed but the hurt will still be with you. Unfortunately, when you are an addict, you are an addict for life so your loved ones have to decide for themselves if they are willing to take the rough with the smooth and nobody who chooses not to should beat themselves up about it. I wish you the best of luck in the months ahead. No matter what you do it will be a hard path ahead but hopefully, having made this first step, you will be heading for a more peaceful, less stressful life

Good decision, Denil963. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Live it to the full. Happy birthday!

Sorry to hear your problem. Stay strong, you will get over it, and you will find happiness again. You really will. Thinking of you.

Alcoholics have to change themselves.

...they may need to hit rock bottom before they do this.

I am so sorry to hear of your pain, but I do think you have done the right thing. Life is too short to be trapped in an unhappy relationship. (I’ve had one and know how it feels to blame yourself etc..) so don’t beat yourself up. I think you have realised that to continue with your husband would cause you a catalogue of hurts. I have always told myself that a bad relationship is like a bad tooth: you can continue to suffer daily on and on, or have the tooth out. It hurts more when it happens but when the troublesome tooth is gone you begin to heal.
This will probably be one of the worst birthdays you’ve had, but love yourself and look forward to a brighter future. (Now, if you want to eat ice-cream straight from the tub it can be your little secret!)
Hugs and best wishes to you x

This is NOT, NOT, NOTTTTTT your fault! I was brought up with an alcoholic father and he absolutely ruined my mum's life (she died aged 56).
I was going to write what Blinko wrote - today is the first day of the rest of our life .... And you WILL come through it. Let your birthday tomorrow be a new beginning. ?

Sorry for you but you have done the right thing - this man would drive you into the ground in the long term.

So sad to hear this, I'm not married to an alcoholic but I have seen the chaos that this causes to people's lives.

Very obviously it is not your fault, but you must be so miserable. No need to feel any guilt and you've certainly done the right thing, he clearly still does not accept that it is his problem, not yours.
Hope that you managed to have a good birthday.

Agree with what everyone else has said and sending you some gentle hugs, You need your own recovery time now and it's going to be quite a journey, grieving for what you had when things were ( temporarily) good and also for the wasted years, You will need your own support in order to stay strong, so have a think about that and gather those around you, Don't AA run groups for those associated with addicts ? Just running some ideas past you in a practical way to make sure you're not alone. Hope what I;ve written is ok, Im a retired counsellor so I tend to revert to my former life sometimes lol

It’s definitely not your fault. Keep telling yourself that. He needs help, but he needs to admit it first. He clearly knows it’s making you unhappy and when your relationship is suffering because of the drinking it’s time to seek help/make for the exit. I think you've made the right decision to choose a happier life without crisis after crisis.

Time for some serious pampering for your birthday I think! Hugs for being brave. xx

You have made the right decision. Good luck for the future x

You have made a tough call here but the right decision. You only live once and now go forward and hopefully find joy.

You had the strength to do this, you will have the strength to carry on, I wish you luck for the future, and will think of you tomorrow on your Birthday.

I have not had to live with alcoholism, but know it can be absolutely devastating. In case it is useful to anyone: we have all heard of AA (Alcaholics Anonymous) but it is worth knowing that there are other organisations which help the children and partners of alcoholics - Alateen and AlAnon, which is for families and, I think, for individuals. There are other sources of support for people who can't leave for one reason or another, and social services and/or family doctor would help.

Look on your birthday as a new beginning. Think you are so brave to put an end to it. Hugs.

So sorry, Denil. Like the others I think you have done the right thing. My ex-SiL is a "it's all everybody else's fault" type too. You can get through this and be happy again. Good luck.

In this world you can’t live your life like that. I’m going through a break up as well it’s not nice. See loads of friends, talk talk talk if they’re you’re true friends they’ll be there for you. Go and have a great birthday draw the line.

I was married to an alcoholic it's no fun we parted company even thought we stayed friends as we'd known each other since we were young.My life was so much better after the split I brought up the kids on my own worked and felt life was worth living again . I was upset at first but made new friends and believed in myself good luck for the future you can do it

Sorry you've had to come to this decision especially on your anniversary but as everyone has said you have to think of your own sanity and health. We had a friend who was alcoholic and saw the devastation he wrought on his family and his business. I hope you are doing something to treat yourself for your birthday and go forward and live your life in peace and happiness

Wishing you all the very best for your birthday and for a much deserved life of peace of mind in the year ahead.

Wishing you many happy returns on your birthday today Denil. Birthdays and anniversaries are always difficult markers when there are sad situations to deal with.

I wish you all the very best with what comes next and, if I may, am sending you some virtual energy for the next few steps. I encourage you to take control of your life back and make the necessary adjustments so that you can go forward with positivity and live the happy and rewarding life you deserve. xx