Should grandchildren know?

Sooner or later they are going to realise that their mother/father wasn't a product of immaculate conception. Also, even if they never meet him, it might be handy to know who he was, in case they want to research the family history, or medical history.

I'm glad this has come up. My first husband was an abusive b*****d who left me when I was in labour with second DD. He never paid maintenance and didn't bother seeing the girls other than occasionally. I remarried some years later and had a third DD. Eldest 2 now have sons and have never told them that my DH isn't their Dad. Sometimes I've thought they should, but a year ago first husband was sent to prison for a long time for raping some children, so at present it seems right to not tell the boys until their Mums feel up to it. But it's tricky - an awful thing to have to tell them when they're old enough to 'understand ' (how do you ever understand something like that??)

Children will want to know about all their grand parents. I have six GC all under 11 and two have divorced GP including me. They need to know their names, where they are, ages, usual stuff and let parents fill in the other info. My 8 year old GD recently wanted to know why I divorced my ex! Her mum was with me and encouraged me to give some answer. No need for detail, they know their grandparents lived like a family once (like them) and they are finding out about their lives.

I would keave it to the parents to tell her if and when they think it right. It could lead to repercussions - when she is older she or other grandchildren may want to meet him which may lead to questions as to why parents cut him out of their lives or vice versa. It will come up sooner or later but don't put yourself in the firing line by mentioning it first.

My children’s father is also absent from their lives due to over jelouse controlling Wife
But the young grandchildren know he exists and any questions are always answered according to their understanding.
He is missing out on so much love it’s very sad for all

I have Vodafone already but paying more than this.

My DF died before DD was born, my DM had remarried so DD always knew my Step-F as Granddad. She was about 4 when she asked me why Granddad was her Granddad but not my Dad. I explained simply that my DF had died & Granny had married Granddad, she puzzled over this for a few days but once she accepted it there were no further questions.

My DD's F died several years ago, I divorced him when DD was 5 he died when DD was in her late teens. I remarried when my DD was 11, oldest GS only knew my DH & he only ever knew Gramps, he was under 3 when my DH died so this question will probably not arise in our family.

I do think honesty is best but decision about what should be told & when is up to the Parents.

Interesting read. Amazing how a 4year old can ask such questions Leggs55 I'd love to be a fly on the wall when my precious GD, that I haven't seen for 5ys now asks these questions of my once beloved, now estranged D.

Chicklette, I want to acknowledge your contribution. The offences your ex and father to your two older children was imprisoned for are significant. Tough for his birth children to begin to integrate into their view of themselves as well. I know some will say it's irrelevant to your family but as so many other threads here confirm, most of us have a need or desire to know something about where we come from. So far as your grandchildren are concerned, sometimes simply saying 'he wasn't a very nice man' suffices until the children are old enough to push for more information.

Thank you so much Iam64. I absolutely agree with all you said. My daughters have indeed gone through a really difficult time but are coming through it now. I also struggled- weirdly with feelings of guilt, as though as the first wife I should have known and stopped him, which is crazy. But I'm currently glad the GC don't know he exists as we don't have to discuss it until they're older. And in fact for any genetic issues the ex was adopted so we don't know any of his heritage.

Most of my children don't allow me to have any contact with my grandchildren. I do sometimes wonder what lies they tell them.