Lazy husband......

OMG all these 'useless' hubbies sound just like my 24-year-old DD! She is (mostly) very willing to do jobs if asked but doesn't do anything if not explicitly asked - blames ADHD/dyspraxia

WELL we are the complete opposite. My H is neat and tidy to the point of OCD and complains if I leave a jumper on a chair or dont shut a drawer properly. I get furious when I know where I've left things and he tidies them away so I can't find them!! He's a whirlwind - has to be always doing things whereas I'm much more lazy. He doesn't cook though, unfortunately.
So it isn't all men!
Actually I think your DH sounds quite sweet - he asks if he can help, and does it when asked. What's to complain about?

He also vacuums much more thoroughly than me. He rarely sit and watches TV and I find it quite hard to relax with him rushing about!

I have come to the conclusion that a lot of men do household tasks really, really badly or not at all to make the point that it's not actually their job. No matter how many times info is provided, demos given, reminders and lists made it doesn't seem to make any difference. Nor does it seem to matter that you may be working much longer hours or that they have plenty of time to do what is needed.

Is it passive aggressive behaviour, well developed domestic blindness, genuine incompetence or just "not my job syndrome" ??? I don't know. Years ago I watched a UK late night telly show where someone stated that men were only needed for sex and DIY. Probably true. If they're no good at either of those then....?????

??? you made my day, some men do have to have it spelt out for them mine included ???

I have always wondered if men do jobs badly so they won't be asked again ??

This I have learnt. Men need instructions. Without them nothing gets done. It's to do with the way there brain communication works which is the opposite to women's. Except it leave a list and all is well. Bloody nightmare I know. I doubt you will come across a man any different as every woman I have ever discussed it with as the same type of man

I think it was the actor Martin Clunes who said "the secret of our happy marriage is that my wife is a tyrant and I am a man in need of instructions"

MesMT - do not fall into the trap of clearing up after your DH.

Get a black bin liner and chuck anything belonging to him that has been left lying around inside it and leave the bin liner out of the way - eg in a spare bedroom.

Tell him what you are doing to keep the space clear of clutter and the next time he can't find his clothes or other property you can say they're in the bin liner.

He probably won't enjoy having to tip out the contents searching for what he needs. Make it clear that he has to put everything back in the bin liner afterwards or the items will be taken to the civic amenity site.

End of.

It def is in built in many men ! My grandson (8) watched Blue Planet and saw the fish that could change sex. He said, imagine if that happened to people, I would grow boobs plus have to do the washing up !
If DH is truly a lovely man, a daily list is the only way forward ! If that doesn’t work, then stronger measures are required.

I can imagine this drives a lot of women crazy, and must admit "twit" was not the first word I thought of.

While I do agree it should NOT be necessary to have to prompt lazy partners every inch of the way, I wonder if they have simply never been conditioned to notice what needs doing?

Anyhow, a potential solution... I had a friend who left a calendar of chores when she went into hospital. She divided everything by 7 and then filled in the boxes, starting each day's list with the most important jobs.

When she returned home it may not have been as clean as she would have liked, but it was a great deal better than it might have been!

If it makes you feel any better, I have been married three times and each husband was and is exactly the same as yours. I now make lists and if necessary a detailed list of how to operate appliances and where things go. It drives me mad sometimes but it is the only way I will get help. Something else that annoys me is when I ask if the doors are locked before going to bed and he will say yes and when I check, they are not locked and then he wonders why I don’t want to cuddle him when we go to bed!

Its most husbands. I was working full time when he was home redundant. Left him a list of things to do each day. I would come home and, although he said he had done as requested, it was evident he had sat watching tv all day. It wasn't just annoying it was upsetting that I had to come home after being at work and do all these jobs.

Even now with us both home he isn't much help, Has to do the bathroom twice w week but he doesn't. I don't touch it. And we have been here 27 years and the house has never been completely decorated. Always something needs finishing, or a room not done.

Granted I am having a bad day after a bad month coming at the end of a bad year, but in my opinion men are your sullen little boys needing you to be their mummy telling them what to do, then resent you when you do. Today, and quite a lot recently, I am really not sure it is worth the effort.

AnnieMac43 and Bluebelle...!!! Please talk no more nonsense. This lazy selfish behaviour is NOT 'an inbuilt male thing' ...that's what they'd like you to think! It's learned at their fathers' knee and their grandfathers' knee and their uncles' knee... it's an unspoken con on women!! My father would have nohing to do with it and my brothers' pulled their weight in the house as I had to pull my weight in gardens and maintenance on house. My husband is useless having been taught very well by his father and grandfather before him. Drop it! Break it! Burn it! Shrink it! Anything to make you not ask them twice! My grandson (10) knows he has household tasks to do as his 5 year old sister will know that wiring a plug won't be beyond her (not if I have any say). My son would no more think of bringing his ironing over for me to do than fly a kite. Come on ladies at least get the next generation of lazy blighters sorted out and please stop making excuses for them.Have any of you ever heard of feminism.... if you have please introduce it to your daughters and granddaughters before it's too late for them !!

It’s all in the upbringing. My husband was perfectly competent around the house, so are my sons, now in their forties . It was always taken for granted they would do their share. Of course men will be a bit useless if they are, however subtly, encouraged to be.

Hear! Hear! Sagi and Grandma! Remember the hand that rocks the cradle rules the wold! My DH, as the eldest of 6, came ready trained.

MesMopTop, if it's any help, my OH drove away from the petrol pumps and realised what he'd done. We hadn't got off the forecourt but our old car never recovered so we bought a slightly newer version AND ALSO a little gadget that talks to you when you fill up, shouts something like "diesel", "diesel", wonderful, he hasn't made that mistake again! An absolute bargain.

I agree with the other respondents, give him a list every day,
thank him for getting through the jobs and offer praise for jobs well done. I am grateful for each new day that I wake up to find that we are both alive and have another day to share with each other. My DH is brilliant actually and definitely does his share and more, along with working full time. He is almost 71 and I am a year younger. We both have busy lives and our favourite part of each day is the evening when we share a meal and talk about our day. We lost three out of four of our parents before they reached retirement age and we feel very lucky to be alive, healthy and happy.You sound as if you love each other very much, so maybe don't sweat the small stuff, let it go, it's all small stuff. Good luck enjoy and appreciate each other.

I agree with the other respondents, give him a list every day,
thank him for getting through the jobs and offer praise for jobs well done. I am grateful for each new day that I wake up to find that we are both alive and have another day to share with each other. My DH is brilliant actually and definitely does his share and more, along with working full time. He is almost 71 and I am a year younger. We both have busy lives and our favourite part of each day is the evening when we share a meal and talk about our day. We lost three out of four of our parents before they reached retirement age and we feel very lucky to be alive, healthy and happy.You sound as if you love each other very much, so maybe don't sweat the small stuff, let it go, it's all small stuff. Good luck enjoy and appreciate each other.

I agree with the other respondents, give him a list every day,
thank him for getting through the jobs and offer praise for jobs well done. I am grateful for each new day that I wake up to find that we are both alive and have another day to share with each other. My DH is brilliant actually and definitely does his share and more, along with working full time. He is almost 71 and I am a year younger. We both have busy lives and our favourite part of each day is the evening when we share a meal and talk about our day. We lost three out of four of our parents before they reached retirement age and we feel very lucky to be alive, healthy and happy.You sound as if you love each other very much, so maybe don't sweat the small stuff, let it go, it's all small stuff. Good luck enjoy and appreciate each other.

I agree with the other respondents, give him a list every day,
thank him for getting through the jobs and offer praise for jobs well done. I am grateful for each new day that I wake up to find that we are both alive and have another day to share with each other. My DH is brilliant actually and definitely does his share and more, along with working full time. He is almost 71 and I am a year younger. We both have busy lives and our favourite part of each day is the evening when we share a meal and talk about our day. We lost three out of four of our parents before they reached retirement age and we feel very lucky to be alive, healthy and happy.You sound as if you love each other very much, so maybe don't sweat the small stuff, let it go, it's all small stuff. Good luck enjoy and appreciate each other.

I agree with the other respondents, give him a list every day,
thank him for getting through the jobs and offer praise for jobs well done. I am grateful for each new day that I wake up to find that we are both alive and have another day to share with each other. My DH is brilliant actually and definitely does his share and more, along with working full time. He is almost 71 and I am a year younger. We both have busy lives and our favourite part of each day is the evening when we share a meal and talk about our day. We lost three out of four of our parents before they reached retirement age and we feel very lucky to be alive, healthy and happy.You sound as if you love each other very much, so maybe don't sweat the small stuff, let it go, it's all small stuff. Good luck enjoy and appreciate each other.

I agree with the other respondents, give him a list every day,
thank him for getting through the jobs and offer praise for jobs well done. I am grateful for each new day that I wake up to find that we are both alive and have another day to share with each other. My DH is brilliant actually and definitely does his share and more, along with working full time. He is almost 71 and I am a year younger. We both have busy lives and our favourite part of each day is the evening when we share a meal and talk about our day. We lost three out of four of our parents before they reached retirement age and we feel very lucky to be alive, healthy and happy.You sound as if you love each other very much, so maybe don't sweat the small stuff, let it go, it's all small stuff. Good luck enjoy and appreciate each other.

My late DH was quite good but he did need reminders when I was working full time after he retired. We had a good system for D-I-Y furniture, I sorted out parts & read instructions, he did as he was told

He did silly things & could never find anything even if it was staring him in the face