Anxious about anxiety

I believe that anxiety can be part of the human condition and that the more we resist it, the more of a problem it becomes. It’s true that there are therapies mainstream, and otherwise, that can help, but as a therapist myself, I do see that focusing with some acceptance of our situation is the cornerstone of all treatment....unless you just want to medicate. I would say, let things be, for yourself, and your children. They are independent and so need to look after themselves and unless you need medication for the short term, accept how you feel yourself, and allow it to be.

Healthy Minds run brilliant free courses to help with anxiety and they are very very good. Might be a help to you or your family. Worth phoning and asking.

palliser65 (and all who have posted) - Isn't it funny how when you need it the most, the universe offers comfort in some way or another? I was awake at 3:50 am, obsessive thoughts swirling, mostly about my DGD. She is only 6, and not in the healthiest of households. I am very much a part-time nana - I have a Court Order for visits every second weekend, and I have to bite my tongue, because I have been cut off once before and that was the most painful experience of my life.
I couldn't get back to sleep, so got up and started dusting (! - Hey, it's quiet!)
I looked at myself in the now sparkling mirror and did not like what I was seeing. Shadows under my red-rimmed eyes, just a tired looking old woman.
So, for me, just reading all your posts, has helped tremendously. Just knowing there are others in the same boat means a lot. Thankyou.
Oh and yes, I have been forgetting to meditate.......go figure.

Thank you all for taking the time to reach out to me. I do feel so much better knowing i'm not mad. I will look at Al-anon. I did CBT with the psycotherapist which is how I recognise the root of my anxiety and how to challenge my thinking. My very best wishes to you all in your own challenges. Hugs and hope 2018 will be one of your best years ever.

Thank you all for taking the time to reach out to me. I do feel so much better knowing i'm not mad. I will look at Al-anon. I did CBT with the psycotherapist which is how I recognise the root of my anxiety and how to challenge my thinking. My very best wishes to you all in your own challenges. Hugs and hope 2018 will be one of your best years ever.

I too recommend Al-Anon it saved my sanity and my life. Please anyone who has or has had a problem with someone else's drinking contact AL-ANON it can change your life for the better. And it's FREE

in my experience (I'm a mum and a retired health visitor) a mum's default position is to take the blame for everything!

Dear All, this thread is a reminder of how many of us are walking wounded at a time of life when we might have expected calmness and inner peace. I am always astonished to read how many others were neglected/abused in childhood - it always felt like just me (because that was what I deserved.) And at least we can be open and honest about it today in a supportive environment. I wish everyone peace and as much joy as they can manage (and if some of that comes in a glass

Hi Palliser

I too relate to your story, and I'm very glad Keffie shared about the twelve-step programmes.

I would only add that I get a lot of help from attending weekly Co-Dependency meetings and I believe there are also Adult Children of Alcoholic (ACoA) groups dotted here and there as well, both 12-step.

One of the biggest factors in these groups, and Al-Anon, is recognition that we can't change others. Easier said than done! But when you're in a group of people working on similar issues, it makes a difference!

All the best.

And I see Al-Amin recommended by others too, great!

I can identify with your childhood absolutely. I am also in my 60’s now and realise that my experience of a childhood overshadowed by an alcoholic father has affected me all my life. This only became clear to me after counselling and I was recommended a book called After the tears by Jane Middleton-Moz and Lorie Dwinell. It is a book which aims to help heal Adult children of alcoholics, and is a collection of real life experiences of children of all ages and it explains how we are affected differently depending on our age and stage of development when we become aware of the problem. It is very close to home, and reading it felt like reading my own childhood, and finally helped me understand the character traits I have always had. I found it cathartic to finally have an explanation for how I have always felt inside myself. It is available on Amazon, and I have no reason to recommend this book other than to say that I found it very helpful and I hope it may help you too. I’m sure you have been the best mum you could be, we all try our best to be the parent we wish we’d had, so please don’t blame yourself for anything you imagine is your fault. I hope you’ve been comforted by the supportive messages you have had on here.

I so understand how you feel. I have suffered extreme anxiety since I was very little, but only 1 of my 3 children have inherited it. I also have agoraphobia, but can go out if accompanied. If I'm in a restaurant I cant even go to the loo by myself, as the anxiety and panic attacks make me disoriented. People just cant understand it, but it is crippling. I'd love to be independent and be able to get on a train and go places, but I can only manage a very short walking distance from home, and only on a good day.

This is an interesting one. I have always been an over anxious 'what if' sort of person despite having a loving childhood. I always put it down to my Mother being the same. On the other hand, my only daughter is just the opposite thank goodness and keeps me on the straight and narrow anxietywise. She always says to me 'Mum, don't over think things', which is good advice. Its down to Nature versus Nurture, so Palliser stop beating yourself up about it. Your children turned out well. Have a great Christmas x

I had an alcoholic ex and I lived in constant turmoil until I left him after 11 years of marriage. Christmas was always a very bad time, he was constantly drunk leading up to and right through it leaving me trying to be 'all things jolly' so my 3 DC could have a good time. He died of drink one new year not long after we divorced Even now although married to a wonderful man of 35 years I still dread this time of year and the past still haunts me. I stress so much about family coming to stay and cannot wait for Christmas to be over and done with. I would happily hibernate and cannot ever see me thinking any differently. Luckily my DC seem far more grounded than me and it seems not to have affected them now they have their own families.

So agree