Friend ?

It sounds not only one-sided, but thoughtless. I agree that she may well be lonely, but I wonder if that is because she's a "psychic leech". By all means, visit if you feel you must, but limit the time you spend with her to not more than 3/4 hour, say once a month, give yourself space, take your own water in your bag, but suggest that a cuppa would be much appreciated - if need be offer to make it! She may get the message - if not, recommend dropping her.

I think, that if you can't make your own mind up about how to deal with this person, then our opinions are not going to be of any use. Any normal person would, if not offered a drink, take their own in future or not stay as long. Usually a half hour visit doesn't necessitate a drink. You mention asking her for a swig from her bottle of water but that doesn't sound good. Who drinks from someone else's water bottle. You also say that a lot of talking (and being in a 'hot' room) makes you thirsty, yet you also say that you can never get a word in as she does all the talking.
Do you really want a solution? Either don't go or take a drink with you. Simple.

I would say, do you want to be friends with her?

Depends on why you visit her ... if you feel obliged for some reason, then take your own drink or just be upfront and ask if you can put the kettle on. Some people, for whatever reason, don't pick up on social cues and need a little nudge. On the other hand, if you really do see her as a friend then just accept her the way she is and go with the flow. How thirsty can you possibly get anyway?

My thoughts too Ajanela. My SiL can talk non-stop and has difficulty with empathy. It is why neuro issues and mental health are so challenging to those who can understand ‘normal’ relationships. SiL has ADHD and he accepts that I will shut him up if he rants and we can laugh about it.

Kate, you have to make the decision for yourself. Do you want the friendship to continue? If the answer is yes, then it seems to me that you have to accept your friend’s behaviour. If your answer is no, well you know what to do. You are the person with the answer.

How long has this 'friendship' been going on? If you've put up with this situation for any length of time, why would your friend think anything needed to change? If a recent friendship I'd suggest nipping it in the bud!

Why do some people behave so selfishly? I dont know...but the chips were down for me a few years back and I found out who were truly my friends. (They weren’t the people I’d’ve thought of).Since then, unless I feel it’s a two way friendship with both people benefiting from it, I don’t bother much. I know that sounds heartless but life really is too short...and I found that I made new friends...and didn’t miss the old ones. I wouldn’t dwell or focus on it, unless you’re getting something from the relationship.

Well you could ask her for a cup of tea, or take a bottle of water or juice in your bag. Really she sounds like a selfish woman, who has no interest in what you have to say. It's up to you to decide whether to keep the friendship alive or not.

I couldn't agree more. This doesn't sound like much of a friendship. The neighbour is perhaps rather lonely so maybe visiting her could be regarded as a kind voluntary service!

This is a toxic person. Keep well away. You are already ruminating on her behaviour . Stop the connection before you become obsessive and angry.

Niobe, I love the sound of your dog reminding you to make a cuppa for a visitor.
As far as the OPs problem goes, I'd try taking my own drink, and explaining to her about thinking of others a little more. If that doesn't work, just fade out contact.

Maybe its other countrys traditions, to talk solely about themselves.I live in Sweden and our neighbour is the same, we visited them the other day, and the wife talked all the time giving us details of ever day around the Christmas Holiday, and didnt once ask what we had done, many people here are like tha,t they talk and talk about their own things and never ask about what others have done. Our neghbours did give us a cup of tea so thats something I suppose. I am glad we Brits are usually interested in what people have done etc.

This lady sounds as if she has some sort of deficit to me. I would certainly give her the heave-ho!

Hi you sound like a really nice person who is getting the brunt of a very unpleasant situation. I think there are much nicer people our there to befriend and be treated a lot better.
I would give it short shrift now and back off. Don’t be treated like this you deserve more.

Friendship is a two way thing, is she a genuine friend or a neighbour who you have got into a routine visiting. Either way it does seem bad mannered not to offer a drink to someone who visits you. Personally I would cut back on the visits as it sounds like hard work and not a pleasure to go. As she swigs out of a bottle of water she maybe does,nt have many hot drinks herself and is unaware that others do, it all sounds quite odd to me.

Friendship is a two-way street. You need not to pussy-foot around with this lady and tell her exactly how you feel - if she can't play her part then call it a day.

Friendship should be give and take. If I were you I'd not contact her and see if she makes the effort to contact you first. If she doesn't then it doesn't sound like much of a loss.

Diddy I can't think of anywhere in the world where hospitality is not respected and adhered to, even in some poorer places at the cost of the host. However, I have been to places in the UK where the indigenous host hasn't been at all interested in their guest(s). This sounds like a woman who has issues and the advice to the OP sounds good - take your own water, prompt your host to offer you tea, and limit the time you spend there. I'd also suggest interrupting her kindly so the conversation is two-way.

I agree that to suggest we cut off all lonely people we see or are in contact with, adds to the national loneliness problem.
I have a old male friend who sometimes rings me and monologues for up to 2 hours. This goes on for a couple of months perhaps, until he moves on to someone else. I listen but put my headphones on and play Words with Friends alongside listening. When I have tried to say can we make this a 2 way conversation, he gets upset.
I see it as a kindness to be a listening ear.

Friendship and relationships are about give and take. Not one give and another takes. I agree with Bridgeit and her suggestion is worth a try.

You don't need her...just back away.

I have a friend like that. Yak Yak Yak.
I actually have to but in on conversations, otherwise I would never get to utter a word.
They are so self important, and personally I am a listener rather than a talker, but there is a limit, I think.
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She isn't a friend, she's an acquaintance. You serve a purpose, acting as a listener, which isn't particularly rewarding for you. She gave you an insight into the way she thinks when you mentioned your best friend's husband. It's your decision whether to continue meeting or not. If you find it a chore rather than enjoyable, maybe it's time to drift away.

Yes,I come from the North and we always had the kettle on the fire.But in the end it is me who has to take action on this.I do like her and in the past made a joke of asking for tea but eventually I got tired of having to.I didn't mean I wanted to drink from her bottle... just a glass of tap water!
I think it's great we can talk about such things here.Thanks so much