Friend ?

I had a Dutch friend who was very irritated by the English habit of always having cups of tea etc.when visiting. She said about going to her English boyfriend’s house, “ You’re never without something in your hand”. She found it very odd. Mind you, this was a long time ago. I don’t know what the Dutch do now.

I once timed how long it was before I got a word in when my most self-centred friend phoned. She talked about herself for a solid 20 minutes, and would have continued if I hadn’t interrupted at that point. Not that she listened. She’s also the one who assumes her big hairy dog is welcome everywhere, and that its slobbering is charming.

We are sort of friends still - we go back a long way - but see each other quite rarely now.

As she 'hates being in another house', is it possible that she is agoraphobic? If she does venture out of her own home, could you meet her on neutral territory? Perhaps in a café when you are both out shopping? The way she behaves suggests that there is something missing in her life and needs a listening ear, but there is no reason why you shouldn't shut her up and tell her all your news.

Very one-sided friendship, she sounds very self centered. If this was a 'friend' of mine I would kick her to the curb.Failing this Bridgeit offers a sensible solution, whatever you decide I wish you luck.

Aren’t most friendships a bit unequal?
I have a friend who is on the autistic spectrum IMO. She can be very self centred and I do hear more about her than she hears about me. However she can be good fun and good company and I do feel she would be there for me if needed.
She does find it difficult to make friends and I can understand why without being able to tell her where she’s going ‘wrong’.
The OP must have a reason for phoning and visiting this person. She must be a very nice woman to give up her time to someone who seems to be very needy. Maybe she is the only person the neighbour gets to talk to? Perhaps if Kate thinks about it as her community work it may be easier to cope with?

The question here is do you sometimes need to get out of the house yourself? How would it be to get yourself a bottle of whatever, go round, listen and then when you feel like it get up and leave. The joy of getting back home will be worth all that listening. Depends a lot on what else you could be doing.

I would just keep away from her for a while. Then if/when she askes you to come to her place and/or why you haven't been in a while, I would firmly but gently tell her you don't feel very welcome because of the way she receives you, and could she please try and explain how she feels about you, about you-and-her, about what she expects from you, and about this situation.