Philip Larkin was right.

Luckygirl can I just say your post (up there) is very wise. It gave me food for thought.

Morethan2 I am so sorry that you are worrying about your son. They see life through their own lens though, so try to see his unloading to both you and his aunt as a good thing. Perhaps there will be times, when he hasn't had a drink, when you can have a chat together about how you felt about events. Life is always full of ups and downs and I think it can take a lot of time to put things in to perspective and see the whole picture, and events from another angle. It has helped me so much to remove the blinkers I wore regarding some situations. I don't think we can always do that when we are young. Wisdom comes with ageing. The things that I used to fret about I have now re-framed, and it has helped me enormously.

I do hope you and your son can talk further. We all do our best as parents but events can leave us with a skewed outlook sometimes and it doesn't hurt to mull over how we feel about things. "It is what it is" is my philosophical outlook quite often these days. We cannot change the past and to linger there is never a good thing.

Oh and Philip Larkin was a miserable sod. It's documented that he was rather strange and had difficulties with intimacy. I bet his parents were really relieved when he left home. I like MawBroon's version of the verse.

DD and DS discovered that they had totally different memories of their shared childhood with DS being very denigrating until DD spoke to him and told him what rubbish he was talking! When his children became old enough to present him with their skewed versions of their ongoing childhood he actually apologised to us and said that he now realised that he was a right pain in the the posterior. We agreed whole-heartedly, told him that we didn't want to argue about it and told him that we love him to bits anyway! We all had a good laugh and I hope that all your angst comes out in the wash in a similar manner morethan! Sometimes it is 'least said soonest mended' and just love them whatever if at all possible.

Laughing here.

Morethan2, perhaps family life is toxic to most people? I often think about how much easier life would have been (emotionally) if I hadn't had children. (I love them to bits and wouldn't change things at all, but I am still in turmoil at times - even though they're adults - and worry so much because of the things that happen to them.)

Anyway, Larkin wrote this.

"Everyone should be forcibly transplanted to another continent from their family at the age of three."

I think our children can 'damage' us just as we can influence and maybe 'damage' them. Just musing.

morethan I don't think you've failed at all. Your son has had a dreadful time and has felt a very heavy burden on his shoulders, trying to be everything to his sick wife and his children.
No surprise that the dam has burst and all his angst has come flooding out, poor thing.
You have been supporting him to the best of your ability as a wonderful, caring mum.
Much better that all your emotions can be shared within your family.
I am filled with admiration for you all, you sound like a very caring family.

"I think our children can 'damage' us just as we can influence and 'damage' them". Good point Day6.

I brought up our two daughters alone from the ages of 5 and 7, both adored, both had the same house rules etc, no two sisters could be so different