Sadness losing long term friend

Bluebells I have been seeing dr since October when we lost our pet, haven't just approached her.

Yes can see how it may look to you

I think anyone would be hurt to be knocked back by such old friend in such cruel way has nothing to do with my depression.

Thanks anyway for tying understand! Off out now always late?

Mad gran, yes you are right it is not easy to sever a close relationship even if it's draining the life out of you, the last thing anyone wants is to hurt their feelings, then you realise they don't consider yours at all, when it impacts on your children you have to put them first, they asked why she was shouting in our house, I had to just say it was her way when upset she got almost hysterical. We did share a sense of the ridiculous and could dissolve in to laughter, but those moments were rare. When I see a friend now it is enjoyable as it should be, are there to share the good and the not so good. Life is too short to waste on negativity.

This thread is very relevant to me today as I have finally come to the conclusion that I've been slowly withdrawing from a friendship of 15 years.There will be no big dramatic showdown, tbh I feel instinctively this friend senses our friendship has run its course.But I feel sad nevertheless.In many ways she was a good friend when I went through a bad patch in the early years and I will always value that,but likewise she got a lot of support from myself and the whole family.Indeed I posted previously about how much hospitality she enjoyed in our home,she was a constantly sat in our kitchen.It was never reciprocated with invitations to her home,and tbh I accepted that until recently.I now know for a fact she's developed a hoarding habit. That's not the reason for wanting to distance myself,as I understand that's a mental health issues. But in recent years she's become very self involved,has what my DH calls 'victim mentality' and I now realise she has a habit of 'embellishing' details of experiences,and if there's anything I hate it's dishonesty.To be fair I think she has a lot of underlying issues.It sounds harsh,and if she wants an occasional catch up,and instigates it maybe I will meet for coffee.But some friendship start to drain energy,are negative rather than life enhancing and are best ended.Doesn't make it easy though.
It's only the second time I've felt a friendship becoming toxic.The previous time I realise now I was definitely being used,and like you OP when something happened that caused tension,and I then appologised even though I felt it was as much her fault I was cast aside very promptly.It's hard not to take things personally isn't it ?

Yes washerwoman it is hard.

One one hand I feel my friend has been so cruel, knowing how much pain I have being estranged and Xmas is difficult enough, we had also just lost our beloved pet Rosie.

Then I remember we had good times and shenwas kind when we first met all those years ago, but she had become almost like different person. I tried very hard to support her with health problems and she was v supportive after my back surgery, but to be honest my husband felt it was because my other friends were doing so much she is very possessive.
Havin no kids and being only child her "friends " are her life,

Hope you get your relationship sorted washerwoman, sometimes hospitality can be one way, we had friends we love dearly but they used to offer us lift literally round corner to a club then of course we invited them round for coffee afterwards this went on so long yet we were never invited to theirs when she suggested we all went to garden centre for coffee so near to theirs I had lightbulb moment and we said we didn't need lift from then on.

Thankfully we still very good fiends but sometimes you have to take action to avoid being taken advantage of,

This is a very timely thread as today DH received a letter telling us that whilst they agreed that we were treated badly they didn't intend to do anything about it as the people concerned have left. They had heard that DH was injured and unwell and that was the reason that they had got back in touch. Perhaps I am being very ungrateful but I wish they had left it well alone since neither of us needed this all raked up again, we had started to make new lives for ourselves. As you say Washerwoman some 'friendships' are energy draining!

Synońomus yes I can understand it like the mutual friends we known just as long well the woman anyway and visit each other regularly but whatever lies my ex friends told her she decided to cancel last visit by email on Same day afternoon!
I was starting get low then and it really affected me.

If I was in your place I would be wary of getting involved again with that group friends if none of them supported you at the time,

That's very interesting Celebgran that your friend is an only child with no children .So is my friend.Not that I want to generalise about only children,or cause offence.Plenty of well grounded ones,and messed up people with siblings!But one of the other wearying things lately is being constantly told how lucky I am to have a family -I know !But it's also hard work ,involves a lot of sacrifice and compromise,and sometimes heartache as you well know to be a parent. She also has this mantra -oh well when you're on your own.
Also interesting your comment about possessive. My friend isn't possessive, but I do think she's made some new friends recently,which I was really pleased for her because she was somewhat lost and lonely when she first moved here and we became friends.But what I think has happened is she's reinvented herself to some extent with them.I think she's shutting me out because I've got to know her so well,and I've questioned her when she's told me things,then later forgotten and told me an alternative version.If that makes sense.

Yes washerwoman it does make sense.
My friend was pretty honest but last couple years caught her out a bit. If she didn't want do something for example when I was ill before op we had cancel weekend away I asked if they were fre, oh no she said, found out later they Were?

She always wanted her own way with arrangements and wanted us to commit so far ahead as her whole life revolved round seeing "friends"
She was also a client I did her pedicure and waxing travelling to hers.
I always gave her special treatment as a friend more fool me really. She had suchbswollen legs and feet I had to be o careful,
However when I was ill and unable to do treatments for few weeks she found someone else which hurt, fair enough temporary but that was another issue.

Yes in her case being made do much of by her parents and having no kids made her very selfish she just never thought.

I agree not all only children are like that at all my other very good fiend is only one and lovely person.

Yes celebgran you are quite right and there are some things you need like a hole in the head!

Moving on and aiming upwards!

BeforecI head to bed, how interesting Celebgran .Another parallel. I met my friend initially as she was a customer of mine.Now when I look back I was far too accommodating. When I put my prices up I didn't increase hers ,giving her 'mates rates ' and was more flexible with times.Whilst she could be very generous with presents at birthdays and Xmas -ridiculous amounts of 'stuff' actually that I neither needed or wanted- when it came to meeting for coffee or a meal I invariably ended up paying whilst she went 'to get us a seat '.Too many times.I'm sure she's got her gripes with me.Truth is its taken a long time to twig,but I have some lovely,genuinely generous friends that I know will always be there for me and DH and the realisation is she isn't one of them.

Good morning washerwoman how intersting?
My friend had very bad feet and legs I gave her all best products as you say mates rates and had petrol on top lugging all stuff to hers.
Never mind c'est la vie.

Karma may be round the corner!