Have we reached a crossroad?

I stand chastised MawBroon and am sorry for your circumstances. However my comments were aimed at those who were inferring that I was wasting money on travel or that I was leading a privaliged life (yes indeed in terms that fortunately up to now we haven’t been faced with any real adversity) but not in terms of wealth. I apologise to those who I may have unwittingly offended where it was unwarranted but a minority were taking a very high handed stance in an insulting manner.

If I may give one unasked for piece of advice -don’t ever put off travelling. We last went anywhere exciting when we went to St Petersburg before Paws perforated bowel and subsequent diagnosis of Lymphoma meant giving up work.
Many of my friends have had a similar experience of expecting to be able to travel and enjoy trips to wherever once they both retired only for one partner to be diagnosed with cancer or suffer a heart attack or stroke and even if lucky enough to recover sufficiently found travel insurance prohibitive.

Just tell him to pack his case because he’s going! Once he gets here he will really enjoy it. Loads of things Blair both of you to do an enjoy and not necessarily together. Time to consider yourself and it’s not selfish to do so either. Have fun!

Money spent on travel is never wasted Iluvcruz!
Travels broadens the mind.
Just tell him to pack his case because he’s going
Or pack it for him as a fait accompli!

MawBroon I agree whole-heartedly.

Yes grab life... you never know what lies in front of you and best if we don't know anyway. All the people who look forward to spending time together when they retire and then circumstances change through ill health. I just wish we had had credit cards when I was younger - my feet would hardly have touched the ground! I do understand your husband not wanting to travel much now as I have one who thinks the same. I am just glad we had so many lovely holidays. Yes you are very fortunate but I think you just posted to get a few opinions and you certainly did

I am broadly in the same situation as you iluvcruz. I dragged my husband unwillingly to Australia in December and once there, he did a complete turnabout. We did limit our travels though, choosing three cities to concentrate on (Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane) and doing some driving between them and one internal flight. Even then it felt as though we had crammed a lot in. It was a totally wonderful trip, I am so glad we went.

On the 'travel while you can' front, it's so frustrating having a partner who is becoming more stay at home by the day. My OH comes from a relatively long lived family so won't entertain notions of poor health appearing on the scene but I see him changing and getting older and I wonder. He always says he's happy to see me travel but then says he wants to do it too, conversations about it are tortuous. I completely see your dilemma, it's a shame some posters get a bit personal, we all live our lives differently from beginning to end and none of us knows the exact circumstances of others.

I am in similar circumstances to MawBroon and endorse all she has said. Thankfully my OH is still with me, but can only be gently persuaded to go into the garden as his PD and paralysing anxiety make it very hard for him - as for Australia - dream on!

Our lives were turned around by his ill health which curbed his professional career very early, and thus his pension.

My DDs are trying to plan a trip to Switzerland for him before it is too late and with them all around to deal with transport etc. And we are supposed to be going with them to Dorset in April; and Pembrokeshire in May! Looking at him as he is just now, it all seems like complete madness to even think of it - but they are determined to try and make these trips happen. I am just taking each day as it comes and we will see. I have had wonderful support from Gransnetters in every way possible and am grateful for that.

And I am thankful for my loving family, who are by our side throughout all the ups and downs.

Iluvcruz - you are a very lucky lady indeed.

Iluvcruz as Luckylegs says you are indeed a lucky lady. Maw is also spot on when she says don't leave it. We thought we would have loads of years to travel and although we have done a good deal we had hoped for more which may yet happen God willing if the healing we are waiting for takes place. If it doesn't happen we have made many memories already as have you. My DH always leaves all the travel arrangements to me grumps a fair bit here and there and clearly thoroughly enjoyed himself every time. Only you know your DH really well enough to know if you can pack and drag him wherever you want to go but don't push it too far by cramming every minute with travel. We spent our coral wedding anniversary on a cruise on the Great Barrier Reef as part of a round the world trip which was a restful mid point and each time we go we explore a different part of Oz as it is just too vast to do it in a oner. Once we spent six weeks touring New Zealand and that was sheer delight in the middle of a world trip.
It certainly is not about the money or simply envy either it was a reply to what you inferred in your OP by talking of a crossroads! If you think you can then just go for it but if it doesn't work out then do the Pollyanna bit!

I would suggest you use your IT skills and volunteer at your local library to help people access things on computer such as Universal Credit and Care Allowance. There is a real need for this sort of knowledge and assistance.

I’m sorry but I think that’s very rude eazybee.

Iluvcruz, yes, some posters have been unnecessarily unkind. I understand what you are saying, and so do many of the other posters. There was absolutely no need for anyone to be as high handed as some posters have been. But there’s also been some good advice on here. Generally the good advice has focused on travel whilst you can because you never know what’s around the corner. Therefore I would say, go, follow your dreams, and take Mr Iluvcruz with you.

I was in your position a couple of weeks ago. Had booked a holiday to Mexico for when we turn 60, we share the same birthday and are the same age. Gave my husband the info as part of his Christmas present. Told me 2 weeks ago he didn't want to go so I've changed the destination and am going to Greece with two friends.

Hi. I hate to say it but we have less life in front of us than behind us. At sixty you shouldn't have to plod your way to the grave if you still feel lively and active. You have retired and you now have to live as you see fit, in ways you feel comfortable with. Just because you are married does not mean you are joined at the hip. Have a chat with him. No animosity, but tell him you need to live NOW. Life is short. Enjoy it while you can. Don't drag a reluctant partner along with you but do decide you may have to do things alone, or with friends if you want to be fulfilled. It's a shame you aren't compatible socially but you do have choices. Find groups you can travel with and in between find days out and trips you and husband can enjoy together. I am of the opinion that no man will hold me back. My partner knows this, but we are all different and relationships ARE about give and take. Talk. Don't give up on your dreams though.

Apologies if I came across unkind or unhelpful, not at all meant that way. Just trying to say that once you get him going you’ll probably find he’ll enjoy it. Mine is like that. I just pack and drag ?However, as some have said, you will know your hubby best. Hope you sort something that works for you both x

maddyone.
It was a practical suggestion, having just returned from a meeting at the library where I volunteer, about the need for more volunteers to help local libraries, some of which are community managed, who are now expected to help people access services online when they have no computers of their own, and no IT skills.

I thought easy bee had posted on the wrong thread.

I still don't get it.......

Eazybee, it may be that voluntary work is a good and noble thing to do, if people have the time and inclination. In fact many, many retired people do volunteer and charities would suffer greatly if they all suddenly withdrew their labour. However, your comment came across as facetious, given that the poster was debating whether or not she and her husband had reached a crossroads, given their diverging interests. It sounds from your comment as if you believe her pondering to be unimportant, and that she would be better off volunteering her time than wondering whether or not she should go on (expensive) holidays abroad.

Iluvcruz said she is an ex-IT lecturer I think Eglantine21, so presumably she should be using her skills to help others in retirement and not dreaming of far-flung parts of the globe

Although I would think that it would be possible to do both .....

Just a thought but you touched on the fact that your DH has tinnitus; I've just had a bout of that and I have to say it was horrible. I had to sleep with background noise and had either the tv or music on throughout the day. It also probably makes it difficult for him to have conversations with people in rooms where there is a lot of noise or at dinner parties etc. Perhaps it's causing him a lot more stress than he tells you? I went to a party recently [very rare for me and I must admit to hating parties although I love meeting and chatting to people when I'm out and about] and I really struggled to hear what people were saying.