Have we reached a crossroad?

Sorry - I meant to say DH not DS (at least twice in my post) - blame my muzzy cold filled head.

iluvcruz my dear, you have it all! You are Pollyanna with bells on and have now, in the manner of an addict, got to have even more and more and then you will want yet more! I would advocate that you play the glad game as Pollyanna was taught and count up all those lovely things in your life for which so many of us would give their eye teeth. The greatest of these being that you have a very capable, kind and healthy DH who loves you. You have your own health, a good income, a lovely family which is close, a lovely home and are debt free I assume. This could change in the twinkling of an eye and has done for many of us on here. I don't think you have problems at all and that you are simply spoilt for choice so just be glad and count your blessings! You could even get involved in helping others less fortunate if you would stop navel gazing and look at how things are for those in the community!

By the way, having read this my DH says I shouldn't hold back and just tell it like it is!

So no it is not 'we' (as in you both) who have reached a crossroads but it clearly is 'you' so if you have not yet read Pollyanna now is a good time to do so and then give yourself a reality check.

It does sound as though he would go under duress, and I think it is often the case it is the THOUGHT of doing something that is off putting. Once you actually get there you can often enjoy it. I would talk to him and ask him to go reconsider going with you with an open mind. What have you go to lose? He may just need a bit of gentle persuasion.

I don’t want a separation - I want to find a way that we can both be happy now we have free time and spare cash to enjoy it. It’s finding the how and what that is difficult.

There you have it. No need to reevaluate the whole to your relationship. You're different and always have been. Think to how this would read if he wrote "my wife wants me to visit with others instead to play with my gc. My wife wants to fly between cities and I want to bike-barge river cruise in France, off the boat at 10 and back onboard at 4, ride and stop along the waterways. (it is a grande cruise). I want to save, she wants to spend." Might it help to see the other side?

Thanks for the tip, Mawbroom, I think there to be a more direct approach.

and they say that opposites attract.

Just imagine if you were both gregarious and outgoing - neither would get a word in edgeways

If you ever get to plan a trip to Oz you will realise that 4 internal flights aren’t necessarily excessive but essential if you are to see the Cities/outback/Ayers Rock and Gt Barrier Reef

So if you still want to follow your dream, think and plan very carefully exactly what would be your 'top spots'. One big city, Ayers Rock (never been there) and Cairns? You could fly into Sydney, to Ayers Rock and then out from Cairns, so that would only mean two internal flights - if you go .

To avoid longhaul flights, accomplish an easier itinerary London-Florida beaches-Portland, Oregon-Hawaii- Brisbane- cruise around OZ- Guam-SanFrancisco- New York-London.

I think they've only got a month though.

I feel exhausted just reading that! Not my idea of a holiday. Give me the Pembrokeshire coast path any day!

You can go with Mrluvcruz Luckygirl and I'll go with Ilovecruz (not the cruise, though, the Australian trip!)

What can you be suggesting!

I am too old for wife swapping too.

Iluvcruz:
You have never been on your own in your life, have you ?

You're not an adventurer, you simply enjoy exotic holidays, to see new places, but not to explore them.

If you are so desperate to visit Australia, the go-to place for the retired this year, I gather, go for the three month cruise option.
As your daughters think your marriage is so wonderful they will cheerfully manage child-care for three months without you, to enable you to celebrate it.

Iluvcruz, to me the crux of the matter is this.....

Do you think in your heart of hearts that once in Australia, your husband would enjoy himself?

To me that is the thing you need to think about. You mentioned other holidays which he agreed to reluctantly, but then once there he enjoyed.

I have got a couple of friends in a similar situation to you and your husband, and they both say that once away, their husbands DID enjoy the holiday.

If you honestly feel that he would then I, in your situation would definitely push. Good luck!

the go-to place for the retired this year
I didn't know that!
I didn't notice a sudden surge in British retirees last time I was there, but then we were off the beaten track.

We'd better not go this year then, could get caught up in an overwhelming mass of British grey nomads.

This is like an episode of 'Wanted Down Under' - one partner desperate to visit the promised land, the other refusing to go or being dragged there under protest.

I'm sorry if that sounds rather light-hearted iluvcruz but that is what I keep thinking of when I see this thread.

Yes, I know four retired couples/singles who are out there now, and more going later or next year.
I agree about 'WantedDown Under', but that is a life change, not a holiday.

Four!?

Goodness me, the place will be getting over-crowded.

We love the Gold coast. We make day trips in the rentauto. So much to see and the food is wonderful. I think next time we'd like to cruise around the continent, fly in and out to different ports.

Iluvcruz, Have you considered Viking River Cruises on the continent? Brilliant itineraries, good food, lots of daily walk abouts, excellent guides. It is possible to stitch a couple together, one trip across the channel, and have a proper lovely holiday.

Yes, Jalima, but I only live in a small place.
It's getting quite quiet here.

It's a bit like here eazybee but it wasn't retired couples, it was an exodus of the youngsters. But then, of course, the 'retired couples or singles' were going out to visit the young people who stayed.

My husband has itchy feet, whilst I hate flying, and am only prepared to fly short haul.Go on your own, your a sociable outgoing person, you'll get along just fine meeting lots of new people on the way.There's nothing worse than taking someone along under duress, it would spoil it for you, and you could resent him.We once went on holiday with friends, they hated the resort we loved it, never again, it spoilt it for all of us.Have you thought about flying to America, then a cruise to Australia, that can be done in a month.Hope you manage a compromise.

Reading the whole post it seems that you have always been dissatisfied with your life.
Yearning for parties and dancing.

You married a man who did not fit your requirements but seems to have been a good husband.

My Grandmother was very wistful in later years and thought a lot of her days as a young women out at the dance hall. My Grandfather never danced or was one for holidays and she sometimes mentioned other suitors that she might have married. (not in front of him and only seldom).

Have you never accepted your compromise that was made with your marriage vows.
Is time running out and you want the life and outgoing, party loving, dancing husband that would have fitted you perfectly.

I am afraid you cannot turn back time. You have had and still have a good life, you still have much to come, God willing.
It is your anniversary so think back to when you met and married. Stop focusing on holidays and think over the happy, steady, secure, times in your marriage.

Thank you all for your varied advice and (strong) opinions. I certainly opened a can of worms with that post. As an ex-IT Lecturer I should have been more prepared to be “trolled” on social media. Whilst I appreciate most of your various viewpoints, giving me food for thought, there does seem to be a bit of envy and “dog in the manger” attitude from some. So let me address some of your misconceptions first. I object to being told that our lifestyle is “a waste of money”! What would Easybee rather have me spend our money on? And it is less about privilege and rather being sensible and planning effectively for our retirement. Neither of us smoke, drink regularly or gamble. We are indeed debt-free but not as s result of a silver spoon or high-paid jobs (I suppose we are middle income as I worked in education and my husband in telecommunications), but as a result of effective budgeting and money management. We put our 4 daughters through university paying fees and accommodation so they could also be debt free - I did this by working extra hours, not being wasteful and saving every penny of my salary. We gave the girls wonderful experiences with cheap and cheerful foreign holidays and one actually had a career on a cruise ship. My “hobby” is travel (I even took an ABTA course and often plan my friends trips). My dh also enjoys these trips when he is in the mood. And I DO have every respect for him hence I have never rebelled and generally always capitulate to suit him. However this is a trip we had both planned for several years and it was only last minute he got cold feet. I suppose it is my current crushing disappointment that is making me resentful and causing me to reflect on all the negatives. Through choice we have rarely been apart so it would be a big decision to go it alone for this trip (although I am confident enough to do so). I do think I perhaps retired too early (I was 58) so maybe I’ll look to go back part time on the days I don’t have the children - maybe become an overseas travel rep. So I suppose the crossroads is more about going back to work or getting new interests. Still no decision on whether or not I get to see Oz. But thanks one and all for your contributions

I am sorry you suspect posters of dog in the manger attitudes or plain envy.
You have of course every right to spend your money as you see fit, but please, please don’t think you have had a monopoly on hard work, clean living, thrift, paying for your children’s education, or any of the other virtues you enumerate.
You omit LUCK, the luck of good health.
I think we could have matched your many virtues, but for one tiny detail. My DH was “careless “enough to suffer from a combination of life threatening disease and health issues (none of them lifestyle related) which resulted in him having to give up work well in advance of being able to draw his pension, no sick pay for his IT consultancy work and for the last 8 years of his life before his premature death last November was unable to travel either abroad at first, or indeed anywhere latterly.
So as has been pointed out, you are indeed fortunate to have the funds, the health and the partner to plan big holidays.
Oh and the good luck not to have any or all of that snatched away from you.
There are all sorts of crossroads in a marriage, I have no regrets that our paths never diverged, but dearly wish we had been granted a longer road.