Mother's Day and Family Dynamics

On Mothering Sunday in my Church every lady receives a small bunch of daffodils whether they are mothers or not, this ensures no one is feeling left out or alone. A lovely touch I think.

My "boys" who have children of their own, sometimes send a card, and usually remember to phone me and have a chat.
I love that, and it bolsters my spirits for days.
I wouldn't expect them to do more.

To Miss Adventure my mothers day have been crazy for years. I only have 2 DS. But they are both live and work hundreds of miles away. My youngest split from my DDiL whom I adore. And my eldest is in the Navy and his future DW is not on my wavelength shes very selfish and is all about her. So tbh I don't get spoilt mothers day I wish I did. My ex DiL s both adore me as I do them. I may get a gran card from them on behalf of my DGCh. I think I will just do something amazing with my own DM seen as it should be her birthday 2 days after. I hope everyone enjoys thier day.
My DH has a mother. That we do not talk to His Sis doesn't talk to her and thier step brother doesn't talk to her due to all of the trouble she has caused over the years to split the whole family. (She never managed it)
But I really do feel sorry for her on Mothers Day but we cannot all be wrong can we. I often want to send her a card but my DH is adamant not to let her back into any of our lives.

My birthday is on International Women's day and on occasion has fallen on Mothering Sunday. My first Mothering Sunday I had my eldest DD christened and it was also my birthday so a very special day. When I lived in England it was usually just a card or maybe some flowers or chocolates. Can't remember any of my DCs taking me for lunch or anything on that day. This week the postmsn is likely to be calliing with birthday and Mother's day cards. My eldest and youngest are likely to ring but with the others it's more likely to be a message in Messenger. Personally I find it a very over rated day now with too much commercialism.

My heart goes out to you and your family, Anniebach

playermojo that all sounds very complicated!
I hope you do get to spend some nice time with your mum, and wish you a happy and peaceful day.

Oh dear Playermojo.....your Mother-in-law sounds awful. She must be quite elderly now...can you not find it in your heart to forgive her and send her a MDay Card, just this once?
So lucky to have such good ex daughters inlaw....what a pity the marriages didn't last.
Have a lovely day with your DM.
? For all GNs

I'm in my 70s and this is the first year I will be without a 'mum'. My own mother died nearly 21 years ago and my Mil died a few weeks ago. My daughter is a mum for the first time this year - and so life evolves.

I agree with Greengage - our lives continue to evolve over the years. Nobody can expect time to stand still , or for us to remain at the centre of our family's lives. I used to be like you - the only Mum - now I'm one of many. On Mother's Day I might get a phone call or a card, it's not a big deal to me. I see both my children and grandchildren every week and we all have a loving relationship - making a big thing of one day isn't necessary.

Mother's Day! What an invention which is suppose to be one of celebration but it seems that the majority of posts attach much stress to the situation.
Mine too.
I many get a phone call from my one daughter, but will not receive any acknowledgment from the other nor the 3 step-adult children (and I care for their collective of 5 children daily).
To me, it is best to go into survival mode, of saying, it's just another day - but alas it does matter.
So I wish you all a Happy Mother's Day!
AND am very fortunate to still have a Mom.

My mum died recently, and my son and DIL have recently become parents. I've told ds that he should concentrate on his wife on mother's day. He is a good son who I see and speak to a lot so mother's day is unimportant to me. I like that he visits because he wants to, not because he feels he has to.

We solve this dilemma by all going out together. Usually 8 or 10 adults and 3 children .
Depending on the weather we will either all meet up at a restaurant that is connected to a play area for afternoon running around with the little kids or if weather is good we meet up at a national trust type place for a bbq or a picnic.
It's great fun and everyone is happy .

Mothers' Day is an American import for commercial purposes.

Cynicism apart, I am anxiously aware of the transience of any and all family traditions. As someone else wrote in this thread there are people who haven't any relatives at all.

I don't think,of it as Mothers Day, it is Mothering Sunday and has been for many,many,many years

Playermojo, at this time of your life when you are strong and healthy do try to rise above the weakness of others and send the old lady a nice bunch of flowers.

It was lovely when the children were young and made a catd but we never got into the present thing, totally uneccesary in my opinion.
I think it is a difficult day for so many women though. I feel for my oh daughtets who list their mum as teenagers, my friends who never managed to get pregnant and those with difficult relationships with their mothers.
2 of my sons live abroad and will probably facetime ( mithers day us on a different date where they live) and youngest will be at work on Sunday so will probably call in sometime this
week.
Its all fine, just another commercialised adaptation of the original Mothering Sunday ( girls in service going home to see their mum and go to their mother ie local church with family.

Anniebach, like many others, including many old ladies, I am not a churchy person. I have however heard of the tradition of Mothering Sunday. It began with the Christian and patronising motive to free one's servant on that day so that she could visit her mother in a village perhaps some miles distant. Otherwise she never saw her mother being too busy working from dawn till dusk.

Not sure this year - weekend coincides with a dd's birthday and her partner has booked a long weekend away for her. Other dd and family were meant to be going to see her lovely ILs last weekend, but snow put a stop to that.
I've told her that if they want to go, absolutely fine with me - we'll do something later.

Traditionally dds have made an effort, so won't be at all bothered if they can't for once.
There was a v nice Sunday lunch for all of us a few yrs ago, when Dh was determined to pay, since it was a lot for dds.
We were watching like hawks in case either of them sneaked off with purse to pay.
Eventually Dh sneaked off to do it, only to find that a dd had already paid! She had sneaked off - minus bag or purse - having stuffed credit card down her bra!!!!

Storynanny, our messages crossed in the post. Great minds think alike.

Mothering Sunday comes from a 16thC custom of visiting the mother church on the fourth Sunday in Lent. It then became customary for servants to be given the day off to visit their mother church and their mothers.
Mother's Day is a 20th C American invention to honour mothers and it happens in May. I believe similar Days happen in other countries on different days.
I just think it’s good that Motherhood is honoured worldwide.?

Surely it should be simple. You only buy card/present for your OWN mother, unless of course you have a step mum that you are very close to. I would not even consider buying a card for my granny, inlaws or anyone else. No, that's a lie, I would buy m- in- l a card from her son, but both cards would be signed by us both. I did once buy some flowers on the day for my sister as she and her daughter don't speak and I was feeling sorry for her that year, not sure why lol. I really don't agree with all these cards you can buy today that say 'to my auntie/granny/niece/..... on Mother's Day as I think it diminishes it for your actual mothers. Oops, missed out adoptive mothers, but I would consider her to be my 'mum', but someone might pick up on it lol!

Oh MaidMarion here's some for Mother's day, from one Mother to another. It is nice to get a card, with lovely words on from our loved AC, and a little bunch of flowers, to say thanks mum, just for being my mum even if it is, as you say, on a scrap of paper. Home made cards are the best anyway, aren't they.

What a lovely post Irishrose and I totally agree. x

Thank you allsorts and 'Happy Mother's Day' to you too & of course to all on here

Sparkly & Sputnik

Same dynamics as me Irishrose with my Son being 6ft4ins & me 5ft 2inchs

When my C were growing up, I had the same recurring nightmare, I had the same one last night, about losing them, trying to find them, searching & searching for them.
Then the nightmare came true

I agree with you CrayH & * Alexa* about sending a mother's day card to poor old m.i.l Player, she must be so very sad.

The trouble with Mothers' Day or the normalisation of Mothering Sunday is that , like Christmas, those who are not mothers or who have no families , and so on, can and often do feel left out.

Like the normalisation of happy happy Facebook personas those who don't have pretty pictorial lives are left out.

In olden village days when the Church instructed employers to be nicer to their servants Mothering Sunday had a moral use. Now, not so, it's commercialised.