Mother's Day and Family Dynamics

It's commercialised if people choose to make it so. Churches still hold Mothering Sunday services , these are free

Well said Anniebach.

I have never expected to see my sons on mother’s day, since they all left home. I won’t get a card from them either, as they don’t seem to do cards at all. However I did receive a bouquet yesterday from all 3. I also got some flowers and a card from one stepdaughter via the grandson, and a card and present in the post from the other stepdaughter so I have no complaints. I know my boys love me, and I’ll probably get messages from them all on the day.

Commiserations to all that have lost their loved ones, and will be lonely on the day

I agree with Alexa about Facebook ‘lives’. I’m sure lots of sons & daughters will have upped their game, in anticipation of pictures of the gifts, flowers, cards etc being posted on social media, with the accompanying messages saying how wonderful their children are!

I will be having lunch with DH and DS1, DS2 is in Ireland so hopefully I'll get a call and DD will be with her DH and DC/DGC. I won't see my Mum but have sent a card and gift and will call her, hopefully my brothers who all live nearer than I do will be with her tomorrow.

It's complicated but better to go with the flow than agonise about what was and what you would like to be!

Im happy with cards, or a phone call from my children. They've all got their own families to think about. I never sent more than a card to my mother.

I popped onto to mumsnet to check on the dog threads (picking up our new puppy next weekend ). I chanced upon a couple of threads about Mothers Day where the posters said their MIL would not receive a card on MD as their partners hadn't (through inertia) sent a card & that they as a matter of principle wouldn't send one as it wasn't their mum & they shouldn't have to bother with their partners family.
Whilst of course in an ideal world sons would remember the day I can't help feel sad for those Mils without a card to open tomorrow.
It did make me wonder how many of them are the mothers of adult sons .

Yes Goodbye usually it's the lady of the house that get's the cards, flowers, chocs for their m.i.l, along with getting for their own Mother, their husband is no doubt working all day. Not a nice thing to do!

yoga girl - these days the woman of the house is likely to be working all day as well as doing most of the emotional care of children, adult parents and organising dental appointments, world book day and endless other demands.

Why is it beyond the ability of a son to call into a shop, buy a card and post it. Flowers can be bought and taken round or if there's a distance involved, sent via one of those intaflora type places.

I agree Iam but lets face it, men are not good at this sort of thing, so surely whilst the d.i.l is getting for her own Mother, it takes no more time to pick up two of each and make the m.i.l's day I did it for mine and my DD does it for hers.

I don't know why it's "beyond the ability of a son to call into a shop, buy a card and post it" Iam but I agree with Yoga it's not nice if you know for whatever reason your partner's going to forget his mum and just not bother to make sure she gets a card.

I hope they are mothers of sons and one day they'll know what it's like to be forgotten on MDay. Mr. S. and I have been married for more than 37 years and I still have to remind him of the date of his mother's bday. I wouldn't dream of allowing her to be upset.

No, no, no!
A man should buy his own Mothers Day flowers or card.
It is antediluvian to believe that once a man marries he need never buy another greetings card for the rest of his life!
What century are we in talking about referring to “the lady of the house buying the cards, flowers, chocs etc ” etc while the “man is at work all day? “
My DDs have careers too which involve being “at work all day” as do all the young women I know.
So let’s not make this another opportunity to knock DILs.

Just shows what a good, kind, thoughtful person you are Smileless, your estS is missing all of that, as well as all the love you had for him! xx

Not being a son and only having had daughters I do puzzle as to why some men seem incapable of marking/remembering occasions like Mothering Sunday or birthdays? Is it inherent selfish centredness or laziness? Or societal lower expectations? I would love to know?

I always bought the cards for my mum and mil. Didn't worry me and I was in the shop anyway. Sadly they are no longer with us and my much loved dad died traumatically on mothers day . Surprisingly I still like the day and will be with several generations of family for lunch. Its one of those things really, if you enjoy it, do it, if you don't then don't do it, but always keeping in mind its not a great effort to send a card if it will mean a lot to the recipient.

I don't think anyone's saying that "once a man marries he need never buy another greetings card for the rest of his life" MawBroom.

IMO it's mean of a d.i.l. when buying her mother's MDay card, not to purchase 2 if she knows that her husband is going to forget.

I don't agree that posters are knocking d's.i.l. in general, just those who seem quite happy for their m's.i.l. to go without a card on Mday even though they could quite easily have made sure they didn't.

How about we bring our sons up to be kind, thoughtful and independent individuals capable of sending their mother’s a card. As some one has said it’s not like their wives/partners haven’t got enough to do.

I think most men are capable of going into a card shop or if they are so busy and important logging into moon pig.com. If this is beyond a son then maybe we should ask ourselves as mother’s of sons what we could have differently in tasing them.

Of course I’m willing to help if there is a problem and my husband has forgotten.

I don't think anyone's saying that "once a man marries he need never buy another greetings card for the rest of his life" MawBroom (BrooN)

Just quoting a well enough known saying.

If it's the post I read the OPs parents were dead and it was painful for her to even look at Mothers/Fathers days cards.
If that's the case the husband is a bit of a shit for
1) Not grabbing his own mother a card when he was in a card shop buying his wife's card from the children.
And 2) Expecting his wife to buy one when it's painful for her as she's lost her mom.

You can order cards online now to have it delivered. Mothers day is plastered everywhere.

I agree at the 'will you grab me one while you're in the card shop?' Is fine. But what if there's no woman? Does the mother just not get a card?

My mother died when I was in my early twenties, for many years afterwards I found Mothers Day very painful. It would certainly have been excruciatingly painful for me if I had had to buy a card for somebody else's mother.

If a relationship is a parternship there will be discussions about who picks up cards and chooses gifts. I loved my mum in law and was her go to person to buy clothes when she was no longer able to go shopping. It was usually a task we shared and we’d then visit and enjoy her pleasure in a new blouse
Shared responsibility is totally different than an assumption that your husband or partners mother won’t get a gift or card unless thedaughgter in law assumes responsibility

I certainly don't think that card buying is an exclusively "pink job" but I would often buy a card for DHs mum when buying one for my mum. Neither of us are the type to go for sentimental style cards & would rather write our own message so i could just choose a card with some nice flowers on the front. Sadly as neither of them is now with us (sorry if that counts as euphemism ?) it is rather hypothetical.
I got on fine with MIL but we weren't particularly close but for her not to have a card to open on MD for me to prove a point with DH, nah, not for me.

On the subject of cards.....
After my husband died Ilooked and looked for a card that said To my Mother-in-Law on Mothers Day. It didn't feel right to send a To my Mother one or to send nothing. I settled for a blank one.
Nowadays there's cards for grans, aunties, friends even but nothing that says Mother in Law. Too late now but I would have bought one!

One grandson popped in with a card from his mum, my daughter, and there is a promise to go out for lunch one day soon tba.
Flowers delivered yesterday from my son but all arranged by his wife. However he did ring me this morning. Lovely.
Today he is cooking lunch not only for his family ( that is not unusual) but also for his MIL and other members of his wife’s family.
I am sure if I were widowed he would invite me too, but as it is, I am rarely included in their family celebrations.

My son and family live quite far away but I got a big box of chocs and a card delivered and a lovely phonecall this morning. I'm quite happy just to be remembered on the day and feel it is only right that my lovely daughter in law is the centre of their attention today.