Isn't this a simple logic

Thank you Faye. I partly agree with you. The part that I don't agree is , if my children found me treating them in the way my MIL treated me, they should really cut me out.
I teach my children to learn to treasure and be grateful for the love they receive, never take people for granted. And I also encourage them to stand up for themselves when they are being disrespected, insulted, or bullied.

The last comment meant to reply MissAdventure. =)

Yes I did see threads talking about situations like the ones you mentioned. And I totally agree with you.

I guess I just didn't make it clear enough. I mean when we feel that we are excluded/ not included/ however we call it. How do we deal with situation? Point our fingers to the person/people who don't like us to be around and call them 'bad children' 'bad DIL/SIL'? Immediately self-victimise and adopt a poor-me mentality? Comfort myself by thinking there's Karma and the people 'exclude' me would be cut out by their own offsprings in the future, and gain pleasure from thinking that?

What would solve the problems and what wouldn't?

Sorry about the typos, still not fully awake this morning!

I think before anyine judges whether you are right or wrong they would need to know more background especially to the statement "to protect my mental health". I personally had a very good relationship I thought with my (2nd) MIL even though my OH didnt. There were stories in the family about how toxic she was but I took her at face value. That changed about 3 years ago when she turned on me for something trivial. I have backed off but I still encourage OH to keep contact and I am polite and hopefully nice to her when our paths cross. Luckily in my case there are no DGC involved but I do agree with other posters you need to tread carefully with letting DH and DC see or here your fellings.

*I am not happy if my children go to see her, but I didn't stop it from happening.
I do actively encourage my husband to call and see his mother. Unfortunately, he isn't keen.*

I'm rather puzzled by your statements. You do know that your opinions would have a big impression on your children, and your husband. You say that you've cut her off but then say well, the others can see her if they want to ....despite knowing how I feel.

I suspect that your husband and children are afraid to see her because of your opinions about her.

Families are precious things. Yours seems to be broken into pieces because of your own opinions and actions. Be careful - in the future this could come back and bite you. Good luck.

everyone's idea of too much will be different,I popped into my parents house most days on my way from work...we socialised with them and they came to us for Birthdays ,Easter ,Christmas.Hogmanay ..they didn't look after our children as my mother had ill health.I think the secret is you all have to like each other ,my OH loved my parents and I love his mum and learned to like his dad .I see a lot of my kids because again we socialise together and have similar interests.A relationship would have to be really toxic for me to cut off family or to stop my children from visiting GP's In fact I cant think of anything that would cause me to turn my back on family.Only you know if thats the case and if it was justified

That’s very sad Dove, have you given any thought to how your DC feel about not getting to see their GM. A grandparent is an important person in a GC’s life, don’t underestimate the benefits for your DC to have regular contact with their GM. Be very careful you are not teaching your DC how to treat you in the future when you are old and lonely.

When one of my GC was around four years old, his mother, my DIL told him I was coming to visit. She told me that unfortunately she had told him three weeks before I was due to arrive, she should have waited until the day before. Everyday for three weeks he wanted to know when I was arriving. One day he got very anxious and insisted that they go immediately to the airport because “Grandma would be there waiting for them to pick her up.” Can you imagine how anxious many children feel, especially those who have previously spent a lot of time with their GM after being being cut off from a beloved grandparent. You might not like your MIL but your children might love her very much. Your DC can never have enough people in their lives that truly love them. People have enough hang ups and mental health problems when they grow up without their parents adding to them.

Well, mum in law may only be tolerating the daughter in law, or maybe even only tolerating the grandchildren in order to see her son.
Or possibly tolerating her son in order to see the grandchildren..
Its a minefield, from what I can gather.