Living with a joysucker

Sounds like a form of depression to me. Very sad really. I'm glad you enjoyed the show though. You come across as a lovely considerate wife who tries to lighten the mood. He's a lucky man!

I'd certainly moan about £24 parking other than that can't see anything to moan about!

Some people just love a moan, some of us do sometimes, some like it all the time!

Just plain rude in my view.... He’s fortunate to have been invited out with you!

Ah bless 'I'm. Another member of my OH 'grumpy old g* club' I thinks it's the equivalent of the male menopause. Bad temper, mood swings, grumbling and verbalising very loudly. Keep going, breath through it and start again tomorrow. Sounds like you accomplished the objective though. Every day is a learning curve.

My DH is not miserable as long as he can do what he wants and he is happy for me to do what I want as long as he doesn't have to go. Not the sort of life I want but I am happier doing things with friends than having him there on sufferance.

I also resent other women asking me where my husband is and looking at me pityingly when I say he doesn't want to come. Or trying to insist on arranging a joint social occasion with my husband when my thoughts are why do you want to put me in a situation which will cause stress between us and why can't you accept sorry no

When people meet him they think we is a lovely guy, and he is always happy for me to hold events for my book group or other groups at our house. He even makes sure we have all the food and wine we want.

He has a wide circle of men friends and I sometimes go to events with him but if I say I don't want to he is accepting.

I do think as others have said it is selfish behaviour and I have listened to the Women's hour programmes which are available on radio 4 podcasts.

There are lots of pluses to our relationship and we do talk a lot to one another. He is my friend.

Living outside the UK I do belong to a large international women's club with a wide range of activities all run by volunteers but for many of the women the problem is what to do with the retired husband. We do include husbands in many outings and events so they can meet one another but they just don't seem to be able to organise themselves.

TASSIEGRAN - does your husband suffer from depression. These long black moods are terrible of course for the sufferer bur for the family too. So many men won't talk about their feelings and get help.

My husband is a misery: he's terrified of spending money. Has a tantrum if I suggest lunching out: we have to take a greasy bundle of egg sandwiches instead. After 54 years of marriage I've realised how controlling, bullying and sulky he is. I wonder if he actually likes me as he has a disapproving look on his face all the time. Fortunately we live apart most of the time.

I quite agree Everthankful My DH is a lovely man but the older he gets the more like Victor Meldrew he becomes!!! I just tease him and say 'OK Victor' when he gets the 'grumps'!! I just try and switch off and let him rant on.

Years ago my daughter bought us tickets to see "Cats". DH hates this sort of thing and went reluctantly. It took the joy out of the show for me when he said he was leaving during the interval. I went too as he was the driver. Another time we were given tickets for the "Strictly" tour. Again he complained the whole time because the arena was too big and we ended up looking at screens. I would have enjoyed it if I'd been with a fan of dancing. I now know that DH hates these sort of shows and will not inflict them on him again.

Mine moans about everything, I switch off or tell him how he should be looking at the situation, it does work sometimes and occasionally stops him moaning, he’s 70 this year.

I am so sorry for the OP and others who've got the same problem, I know just what they are going through. After I divorced my 1st husband (multiple girlfriends!) I had a "dementor" partner for 20 years; fine if we were doing what he wanted, a nightmare if we weren't. I became a nervous wreck and had to have counselling.

Thanks to that, I got out of the relationship, was happily single for a couple of years and then met my beloved DH who will cheerfully accompany me to things and is wonderfully upbeat even if he doesn't enjoy it. "It's an experience" is his mantra, and if we don't like something then we don't do it again. He is 77 going on 27 and will try anything, which is a real joy for me after so many years of horribleness.

Well of course the answer to the problem of grumpy husbands of a certain age is to marry a much younger man. !!!

Problem solved.

Joysucker just about sums it up! I've got one of those too and we have black moods every day. Most days I can tell myself not to let him steal my joy, but sometimes it's so hard ...

So sorry the day and evening were spoiled for you - especially as the tickets were a gift from your children although I do know my husband would have been mortified at the car park cost - he complained about paying £10 for parking at Sheffield Arena a couple of weeks ago when we went to a show. He may also have got up and tried to find another seat during the show if he was very uncomfortable as he does suffer with sitting in confined spaces for long periods. We haven't been to the cinema for ages partly for this reason. To complain the whole outing though is very upsetting and I'm not surprised you feel annoyed with him.

My husband would be the first to call himself Victor Meldrew and has done for years. Some days he's fine but he is often Mr Grump especially if he has work problems or is bored but on the other hand would go to the ends of the earth for me and will drive me anywhere even if he doesn't want to go to whatever it is - he will sit in the car and wait outside no matter how often I've asked him to come in with me. Too often I've been put off booking something as I know he wouldn't want to go - the fact that I know he would probably enjoy himself if would give in counts for nothing - the show we did see a fortnight ago is testament to that. After nearly 50 years together we know each other too well and just get on with it

This smacks to me of someone who has been spoiled as a child. He was determined not to enjoy himself and wanted to make sure you didn't either. It's attention-seeking. and juvenile. He is mean-spirited and thoroughly selfish. He probably threw tantrums and sulks to get mummys attention. It worked with her, now it's working with you.
You need to show him that he is not as important to you as he thinks he is.

Like MawBroon, very saddened to read many of these posts, but why on earth do so many women put up with it? Sounds utterly selfish and misery guts if you ask me, life’s to damned short to live like this, I’d give an ultimatum - buck up or pack up, and to be afraid of anyone or situation, sets alarm bells ringing for me, there is help and support out there, I wish you a happier future.

Miserable upsetting experience for you! Promise yourself it won't happen again - because the next time you have an opportunity for a night out at the theatre or out to dinner, you'll take a girlfriend and not your husband. He doesn't deserve the pleasure of your company - and remind yourself of this often!

I had a very similar experience and so when another show that I wanted to see came along, without telling him, I booked and went along on my own. A while after, he saw the same show was on in London and suggested we went. I cannot tell you the pleasure I had in telling him I’d already seen it! Petty I know but he got the message.

I have found that since my husband has retired, he is more of a "grumpy old git." I don't know now whether he always has been or whether he has more time to notice his woes. I have noticed that he isn't much of a people person most of the time, especially if they are family. When I point out that he doesn't like my mother, my father, my sisters, my children and all of our grandchildren he gets wounded by my accusations. I think as an only child, with very little of his own family, he just finds us overwhelming. His idea of fun seems to be watching tv and sleeping in the chair. He's only 61 and is determined he won't live to a ripe old age.
However, the other day I was talking to him about having enough money in the bank so we could pay out for alternative medicine if we had to and he said that if it was a choice of surviving or living, he'd want the latter. I was a bit bemused because his idea of 'living' wasn't actually mine. That said, we are talking about the things we can do when the last child vacates its bedroom so maybe there's hope yet! And he may be a grumpy old git but I'm quite fond of him!!!

My late DH had bouts of severe depression, sometimes he was so low that I could not even get him out of the house. When he was like that I did everything on my own. Once the depression lifted he was the loveliest man, kind & would do anything for anybody. He loved going out when he was well but I missed a few days out because of his depression. My DD used to call him "Grumpy". I'm sorry your day out was spoilt, I would be inclined to go with a friend next time But £24 for parking!!!!!

I’m married to a joysucker..... for twenty years he has sat at home watching tv. He won’t attend family do’s’.... he won’t attend his grandchildren’s birthday parties , not even for an hour or so.... he won’t celebrate his birthday, my birthday, even if they’re the ‘big ones’. In fact he’s a total arse! There is no other word for him and now I don’t even ask if he’d like to ‘go ‘ anywhere. He has his tv 16 hours a day and I have a life without him. If any of you married to these people are financially independent RUN now and don’t look back. If like me you’re ‘dependant ‘then find your own life without this weight dragging you down. Good luck !!

There is a vast difference between someone who has real depression and DH ‘s getting grumpy in older age.
Nearly all the friends I talk to says what the majority of posters do on here, it just seems to be a fact of life that most men get like this with age.It may well be something physiological, who knows?

I think if you talk to our menfolk, they would be moaning about the way we were when we went through the menopause! You probably only have to say the words, "hot flush," and they'll be rolling their eyes. I expect my not so better half would complain that I like everybody else's company except his.

The car park was £24!!! Well done that man. To be honest he does sound a bit grumpy. You did have a fabulous night from my point of view. Think you need to say that evening may not be his sort of thing, he's tying to conserve money you do understand but....you both have lives to live. My husband can be just as grumpy not realising the effect on everyone else. You''l have to sit him down and tell him because you'll both end up very fed-up.

Seaside,you arent alone in this situation, I live with a Victor Meldrew syndrome, and recognise all the symptoms. Next time go with a friend and really enjoy yourself.
I have to agree the parking fee was horrendous, but then it was his choice.
Enjoy your freedom in the future.