DIL's that are a blessing?

We had a very positive relationship with DS's wife but sadly the marriage didn't last. We still keep in touch with simple messages on FB from time to time.

Yes, I have a lovely SiL and DiL.

SIL1 was a nightmare when we first met him. We both hated him, DH in particular. He was a 'bad boy'. However, our daughter loved him and as we got to know him we realised there were reasons why he was like he was. He has grown so much and is now a much loved part of our family and I love him like a son. SIL2 is totally different, quite personable, but the Jury's still out. Not sure he makes our DD2 happy. We do love him, but ..meh. Time will tell, and possibly some growing up. Not yet DIL is also lovely. So much so that we told our son (jokingly) that if they split up we would keep her instead of him! They have no children yet, so I hope that when they do the relationship stays good.

I am very lucky I have two lovely daughters-in law, expecting one to visit any minute now actually!

Also! I am deeply blessed,and never take any of them for granted.

I'm another one with two lovely daughters-in-law, one has given me two beautiful granddaughters. They are both completely different to each other but then so are my sons.

We all get on well together. One of them is on MN and sticks up for me when they are all running down their MiLs! (I think it helps that I bite my tongue and don't criticise!)

Thankfully I have the very best DIL any man's mum could wish for. She has always been incredibly thoughtful but now that she has her own boys she knows that one day she will be a (paternal) MIL herself and wants to ensure that her sons understand the value of family and particularly the paternal GPs. What a blessing!

I really don't know how she does all the many things she does either and she is such a good wife and mum.

Thank you,everyone! This thread has mostly greatly cheered my heart! It is not an easy task to be a young il trying to blend into an established family and navigate becoming a family of your own...my heart goes out to our young people. I am cheered to read others who are dedicated to not just their own ACs, but the ACs of other mothers.

I remember how it felt to be an unwelcomed unwanted dil and it has taught me how NOT to be a mil...while painful for me for years, I'm glad for the lesson.

Looking from another angle, it really can take a lot of effort to feel comfortable with your MIL. I’ve had mine for almost 42 years ( plus 6 years before we married. I have never really taken to her, nor to my late FIL I don’t really know why and actually feel rather guilty about it. However, the are /wereDH’s parents and Grandparents to our 3 DDs . Always included and treated well by me. I hope she/ they have never felt unwanted . Actually from what I hear she rather likes me but it does take quite some effort I can’t say I feel any particular affection and if she was not my MIL she would not be someone I would seek out as a friend.

I was ready and willing to accept them and have a relationship with them...my dh even said to me, "mom will LOVE you! You have so much in common," but I wasn't who they'd picked out for their son, so I wasn't the girl they wanted for a dil. Nothing I did changed anything...they just never had any use for me. (shrug) That said, though we've had to impose boundaries, because of a lack of respecting our space, they've always been welcomed and treated with kindness and respect. I've never snarked back, argued with or even raised my voice to my mil...she spins a very different tale, but I can only control me...and I do the best I can to live the Golden Rule.

I have never even thought about my relationship with my DDiL. We got on well from the start and that has been it. She has now been in my life for nearly 20 years and we have never had a disagreement, nor can I ever remember needing to bite my tongue.

I sent my daughter-in-law a basket of flowers yesterday. Why? Because she's a Year 6 primary school teacher so had SATS tests this week, her husband (my lovely son) is abroad on holiday with his dad and brother (leaving her to look after their dog), she's also pregnant and still at the queasy stage - and not a word of complaint has passed her lips. She's a beautiful young woman and I love her dearly.

I too am blessed with a lovely DIL. If I could have gone to a shop to pick a partner for my DS; I'd have picked her. She's ace. And the double blessing is that DIL's mother and I have become good friends too.

I have two lovely DILs as well as a great SIL. I have big age gaps between my children so my youngest can't really remember a time when her sisters-in-law weren't a part of her life. They all get on so well!

I have a lovely dil and she makes a point of treating myself and her own mother equally. We get equal time with the dgc and we both get invited to family events. We were at dgcs school yesterday for a school picnic and dgs aged 5 went round introducing us as "my 2 nannies". How lucky I am.

I have a good relationship with my MIL. We don't talk much but she appreciates my nursing expertise and sometimes will ask my advice or interpretation. (I don't offer unsolicited advice. GMIL has had serious health issues for many years and MIL will sometimes ask me questions as she's curious and loves to learn about medicine. I love to teach so it works well.) My parents are also happy with my husband and my SIL.

Mom shared with me some of her experiences with her father and my dad's parents. She said her dad said something once that really surprised her, knowing how he was. (I don't mean this to be insensitive, but Grandpa was from Holland and he was very Dutch, if that makes sense. He was my grandfather and a good one too. My husband is also of Dutch descent.) Grandpa said that his kids had to respect every partner their siblings brought home, and that as a parent it was important to respect every partner your child brought home. One day that person could become their spouse and any children they had together would be their grandchildren. Showing respect for the spouse would go a long way to ensuring a positive relationship with the grandchildren.

After my dad's mother passed away, Mom wrote of the first time they met. Dad had invited her to the farm where he had grown up. Mom drove out there and was greeted by the dog who, in her words, "looked as if he ate girlfriends for breakfast". (She made friends with him first and he was quite sociable and well behaved.) Then she went to the door. Grandma invited her in and said the men were just out working and would be back soon. Mom was a little nervous because she knew she would never have left Dad alone with her dad at first (see above). Grandma offered her some homemade cinnamon buns and homemade raspberry jam. By the time the men showed up Mom knew they would be friends. Mom got on very well with my grandparents until their deaths years later.

You must be relatively young then agnurse to have all these older generations still around.

Three of my grandparents have passed away. Hubby has a similar situation. His nan was only 18 when his mum was born and his mum was only 18 when he was born. His other nan is still alive but we don't have contact with her as she has treated us poorly.

I would add, like Chewbacca, both sides of the family get on well. In fact DDiL's family and ours have melded into one. As both family's are small and DS & DDiL's children are the only DGC either side will ever have we are united around them.

I built a relationship with my MiL slowly over the years. We lived 120 miles apart and I definitely wasn’t what she was expecting. At the end of her life I was the one sat on her bed holding her hand.
I barely have a relationship with my own DiL. She has a very busy career and is devoted to my son and her family. She Is great in a crisis (and we have had a few) but otherwise we hardly ever see her even though we see the GC every week. Unfortunately my son follows her lead. The main thing is that they are happy but I do wish we could have been closer.

Both my DIL's are wonderful girls - the eldest I've known since she was 16 - 31 years ago now! She's a brilliant mother to my 2 granddaughters as well as being their best friend and is very supportive of my son who has a stressful job.

Strangely I've just remembered, watching all the pre Royal Wedding preparations, we met our future youngest DIL in Windsor and instantly knew she was the right girl for our son. She's very confident, outgoing and fiercely independent. She has given us two little grandsons and is also a great mother.

Both are as different as chalk and cheese but we feel very lucky to have them looking after our sons albeit one on the other side of the world now so we don't have much of a relationship with her any more.

I love my son's would-be wife. She is beautiful inside and out and we get on really well. She has also done the one thing that I longed for for years - bought him back to live near me after he went hundreds of miles away to uni and decided to stay there . They re-met on one of his trips home, fell in love and the rest, as they say, is history. Now if she can only give me my first grandchild ................

Like you, I have been blessed with 2 absolutely amazing DIL’s and I love them both dearly. They adore my sons, they are wonderful Mums, and are both so thoughtful and considerate to me. I am included in everything and consider them friends and family all rolled into one. My SIL is lovely too .........but he will insist on trying to fix me up with his mates !!

I am so lucky to have my lovely DiL! The best there could be! We have always got on & I hope we always will. She has given me 2 wonderful GC & the best thing is that we agree we get on because we both love my DS. Our family is certainly better for her being part of us & I love her to bits!