Jealousy of Stepson

We don't know what Gs life was like with his wandering wife? Perhaps she was at it all the time and G found comfort in the arms of another woman for a short while? Because he's the guy we assume and judge. At any rate that is his business. Everyone exaggerates at times, it's hardly a hanging offence. With all due respect to the opening poster, if you try to make your husband choose it may well backfire on you. Is it so bad for G to want his dad?

Does it angst you more because your DH is sticking by his son,while your sons father did not do so?maybe you could try explain that a little to your DH?Has your DH always treat your sons the same as his own?in which case then you cant complain too much,and maybe your DH is hoping to talk his son into/advise him to support his other child too,in time?Get an appt with a counsellor for your feelings,and then just give your husband and his son some time.Also,your DH doesnt want to risk losing his other grandchildren either.

It maybe he has mental health issues. Please don’t be too hard on him it must be difficult for you I know, but there is a problem there.

I have a similar situation so I can sympathise. My husband and I have 2 daughters each but 1 of my step-daughters is very toxic and, I believe, has all the characteristics of 'narcissistic personality disorder' (very much like her grandmother who, according to my husband, caused a great deal of upset when she was alive).
I am luckier as she lives 230 miles away from us and, although I know my husband can't exclude her from his life, she has upset him (and me) numerous times in the past and he doesn't talk to her very frequently on the phone, although we do visit once or twice a year and she visits us occasionally with her husband and son.
As some other Gransnetters have said, I think it's good that your husband acknowledges how you feel about your stepson but it must be difficult that they talk so often on the phone. However, I can understand that he doesn't want to exclude him from his life and I agree that it sounds like your stepson could have mental issues.
Your husband sounds like a kind and fair man and I think the only thing you can do is to busy yourself when they chat and also ensure that you and your husband do lots of things together.
I am also at the point now where I want to exclude my step-daughter from my life so I may have to find other things to do when she visits and, at the moment, am not too sure what I will do when my husband wants to travel to see her.

I had a similar situation and I worked out that I was jealous that husband loved my stepdaughter more than me.which of course is natural - blood ties etc.
Very childish really, but I was very insecure at the time.
Things improved over time.

bytheway.....what exactly are you jealous about? If you can try to work that one out, you may be nearer sorting the problem.

I am betting your DH wishes he didn't have to deal with his son's problems too but as his father he sounds like he's doing the best he can?. I fear, you, his wife would only compound DH's problems by objecting? How would divorcing him make things better, unless you don't love DH anymore? Perhaps you are hoping if you threaten he will renounce his son?

I guess I don't understand because I feel there is room enough for all in our lives. My life has been a total roller coaster btw and I have children and step children now. We don't all mix all the time and I sometimes feel one of my step sons take the proverbial P but I wouldn't interfere because it would hurt my DH and he is wonderful.

My only advice would be to consider how much your marriage means to you and if it means a lot to support your DH. Doesn't mean you have to engage constantly with someone you don't care for but 'tolerance' is the key I think. Putting obstacles in the way will only make you all miserable at the end of the day.

Hi all, Just wanted to come back and thank you all for your opinions and advice. It has given me some clarity and particular thanks to HunnyBunny for making me realise i am not the only one who feels like this.

Despite what some of you are suggesting I would never ask DH to make a choice, and i would never try to come between him and G. Frankly that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I am going to do as some of you have suggested and leave the room when he calls and distance myself from it. I am also going to look into to counselling.

Also, to the lady who suggested EFT i have heard of this so will investigate that also.

Just talking here and getting sound advice and suggestions, i already feel like a weight has lifted off me. I'm so grateful.

Btw I can see two separate things going on here.

Firstly, there is the jealousy you feel towards your DH and his sons close relationship, which I can understand to a point. We all want to feel as though we are the most important person in our DH life. But, you would be wrong to try and break up their relationship regardless as to how you feel. I have realised by my own SiL's behaviours, you can be a rubbish husband but a wonderful father and we just have to 'suck it up' for the sake of our grandchildren.

The second thing seems to be, that you are putting your hatred for your own ex onto your SS. Because your ex didn't have anything to do with your own children, could that be a cause of your dislike of your SS, because he has chosen to keep his children with him? I may be wide off the mark here, but that's what jumped out at me.

I do think some sort of counselling to explore your feelings for your ex, your SS and your husband in case they have all became entangled in your mind. As someone who also suffers from mental health, I know how easy our thoughts can become confused turning something innocent into a massive burden.

Good luck and hope you can get help to help you see things better. And agree with others, it sounds like your DH is a good one, don't do anything rash re leaving him until you are in a better place xx

Take solace that the waster is no longer part of your life physically.
You must come to terms with your mental attitude, and, as others have said, don't interfere with your husbands relationship with him.

A while back there was a problem on here about a family rift. The advice was to seek out mediation. I too am having family issues, I have looked up mediation, seems a little pricey but if it works... My question is has anyone actually used this service

Great advice,I especially agree with HunnyBunny, but for me it is the other way around as in I am an involved hands on drop of a hat Mum / Gran ,We have now agreed to disagree,& respect that we have a different attitude to AC.& GC .I think it seems to be a bit of a problem for quite a few couples who are with new partners & extended families.