Bored to Insanity!

Fumanchu Start a new thread on the "meetups" topic at www.gransnet.com/forums/meet_ups_where_are_you and call it something like "Who can meet up with me in Edinburgh?" I guarantee that you will get several replies and before you know it you will have a meeting set up with some lovely people!

Fumanchu does your DD or any other relative or friend know how you feel and how it is affecting you? Sometimes people actually need to be told out loud as others can seem to be ok or to even like their weekly life. If people can't visit or take you out in their cars might they be interested in remote morning coffee or afternoon tea chats? By remote I mean skyping or whatever other forms might be compatible with peoples own technological equipment, if you have good broadband where you are. I've done this over lunch or dinner nothing serious just lets "meet" over dinner and we have all prepared and linked up as if we are all together eating, chatting, getting up to get more drink, all very casual and it brought a smile to our faces brightening up the day/evening a treat.

Remote is not good as youbgetvokder, especially with the poor relationship with your husband. Is there no way you can change your situation, you need people about. Perhaps he feels as you do. Time to sort it all out.

There seems to be a presumption that husbands should be chums. Fumanchu's husband sound a nice quiet man and she has not much to complain of in him from what she says.

F, why do you regard this other person as if he were a Siamese twin?

If you want to move house to Melrose or Livingston or wherever you want to join in social groups why not do so?

She’s said she doesn’t want to leave her location though Alexa as she loves the area , basically poster wants to stay put but find a way to get out and about, without husband as he likes staying in and doing his own thing but so far everything suggested has come up against a hurdle

Why do you regard the other person as if he were a Siamese twin
Because she can’t get out and about without him Alexa she doesn’t drive and can’t walk to the bus stop or train station

Right you are BlueBelle. It's a clear case for Fumanchu to learn to drive, and get herself a car she is comfortable with.

Do you have a U3A group? Our local one runs outings etc. we are picked up close to home .
I do see that you are in Scotland distances and transport may not be so easy though.
You do sound very demoralised I know that can be hard to get out of.
I enjoy coach outings because I don't have to drive long distances. Although I still drive.
My Oh is not very sociable.

Fumanchu, I am wondering if a small advert in the local shop, or paper, may interest someone who would visit you.

I don't know what your interests are however I thought maybe something along the lines of " Lady seeks scrabble player to play scrabble with her. About a mile outside Coldstream". (or whatever). Or learn Gaelic together , and so on.

Fumanchu I totally sympathise about the pain in your feet. I’ve been suffering too, but things are much better now. Can I ask what steps (sorry not intended to be a pun) you and/or your GP have taken to help you regain your mobility?

Doc didnt give me any painkillers and I need some!
They are reluctant to prescribe them these days - my GP just recommended paracetamol.

Age UK, have telephone link ups where you get telephoned once or twice a week by the same person for a chat. I would check whether there is one locally.

How about offering b and b to grans netters who live in urban hell holes!!!

How about a lightwight invalid buggy to get you to the bus stop, and could go in the buggy/wheelchair park to be used at the other end?

I was going to suggest U3A too, but if it’s 23 miles away it may be a problem to get there although there may be someone closer to give a lift.

If the OP can’t get her DH on a day out I don’t think there’s a hope in hell he’d move house! A problem that as eventually, if he ‘goes first’, she’ll find she’ll have to move in a hurry or become a complete hermit.

Practical considerations needed here to help with your issue fumanchu-doesn’t look as if dh is going to change anytime soon!

First of all - how close is the bus stop and which bus company serves your area? If the stop isn’t too far you could take a mobility scooter to it and either put a cover on and chain it to the bus stop or take it on the bus. I often see bikes-some of them very expensive-chained to fence posts etc at farm track ends while their owners are at work. You can also take scooters on the bus as long as they have low floor access. It shouldn’t be too difficult to find out which type of bus runs on your route.

Would dh run you down to the stop or the nearest station? Even if he doesn’t want to go on the day out he could drop you and your scooter off at bus/train. As Elegran has suggested perhaps a Borders GN meetup wouid be good or you could maybe try and get to next Edinburgh meet up? We’re fae a’ the airts and have great fun at our lunches.

Hope you can put some plans in place to get out and about. Love your name-often say to dh that he has thumbnails like Fumanchu. Wonder who still remembers the character??

Don't we all sometimes have to strike a balance between peace, serenity, moorland and hawks (or whatever ones current pitch may be ) and the limitations that older age can bring?

My own parent lived in a pretty Somerset village. As they grew older they realised they needed access to amenities not to be had in their village.

They moved to the outskirts of a seaside town and lived happily ever after, close to much needed facilities like a bus service and doctors.

Worth some consideration, surely? Things are not going to improve, are they?

Do you love him?
Could you actually leave him and live alone?
Could your nearest neighbour take you out somewhere?
Do you speak to anyone nearby to tell them your problem If I lived near you I'd happily go somewhere with you.
Do you ever take a holiday to break the monotony?
Is there a church near you- they might have social events you could go to - would DH take you there?
It's not good for you to be isolated and depressed, something needs to happen. Keep us posted!

Sorry, but I think that this is unreasonable behaviour bordering on cruelty. It doesn’t sound like there is much love or respect there, to be honest. 68 is young these days. Depending upon finances, you might be better separating, and finding a new life. Your life at the moment sounds truly grim.

Sorry, but I think that this is unreasonable behaviour bordering on cruelty. It doesn’t sound like there is much love or respect there, to be honest
I am sure you are being both sincere and well intentioned dolcelatte but what OP describes is probably not entirely unusual among farmers’ or farm workers’ wives’ lives in remote farmhouses and cottages up and down the country. I know some of the valleys around Edinburgh and the Borders, and yes, they can feel very remote.
TBH I think OP was having a bad day and a bit of a rant - perfectly understandable especially being in pain. There have been some helpful suggestions (I am omitting the inevitable LTB responses) but my suspicion is that this could have blown over by now. Can any of us, especially those whose health has been poor or who are or have been carers for their OHs say hand on heart we have never had moments like these?
I am not belittling OP or her sentiments, but I suspect this is now getting blown out of all proportion.
We shall see if OP gets back to us.

Wash and polish the car /wash and polish the bike.
You would think, though, that having polished the car and the bike he would want to take them out for a spin to somewhere more exciting than Aldi or Costco.

He does need a proverbial kick up the bum - unless he is agoraphobic? Or perhaps he has gone from being a home-body to being actually worried about going out too far from his 'comfort zone'.

&If I really go on at him then I get "I'll take you, ok?" - but he never takes me anywhere.
You will have to plan something for the next day, organise it, then tell him which direction to go in.

Otherwise, do take driving lessons (it's not too late) and just use the car and leave him with the bike.

I agree Mawbroon

Maw, OP is miserable, isolated, depressed, doesn't see a living sole for weeks on end, has no social life apart from the occasional trip to the supermarket. What kind of a life is that? Surely you can't think this is normal? I couldn't live like that.

We only have OP's limited information, but she says she's attempted to reason with her husband, shouted and even cried, but nothing changes. There seems to be a complete absence of empathy or caring. What else can OP do, if her husband does not listen or show any signs of changing?

Soul not sole, there may be plenty of fish together with the other wildlife!

You couldn’t Dolcelatte but have you ever lived in a tiny hamlet 23 miles from other human habitation?
It is very possible and isolation and loneliness are not unique to soulless inner city high rise flats.
If a woman doesn’t drive she is dependent on others and an isolated farm house or farm cottage precludes the existence of a friendly neighbour to chat over the fence to.
There may only be a bus every couple of hours and if you are not good on your feet that may be an undertaking too far.
Country life is not all “Escape to the Country”.