So annoyed with one son

To be a " Gift" there has to be no strings, the revenue will view these amounts as loans and therefore part of your estate and the standing orders are evidence to that. In practice you gave gained nothing from the inheritance tax point, probably the best way forward now is to make all 3 loans into gifts and get an accountant to confirm that.

£3000 is the annual allowance for small gifts
BUT you can give away any sum, as long as it does not affect your standard of living
YOU then need to live for 7 yrs or the tax man will want a share back

What you are doing is good it is not tax dodging it is tax planning, it is legal and everybody with any sense does it.
You must get professional advice or it can backfire badly.

crazyH, glad to hear that you have made peace with your
son. At the end of the day he will always be your son and you have acted with the best of intentions. You know as the say, no good deed ever goes unpunished! I think there also seems to be a law of unintended consequences. You do something to help and then it all goes wrong. Have been there myself. Next time he is late, ask for for a DD or SO to be completed so that neither you nor he have to worry. Best wishes.

Update: Thanks all......he and I have made peace of sorts. I told him that I was upset and that's why I told his siblings about what happened. His main complaint was that I used the word "attack" in my description of what happened. He couldn't believe that I would think that he would attack his own mother. I told him I meant verbal attack.
Anyway, we are ok. We emailed each other. He is not so angry now....he said it will all blow over, but he is not ready to meet with the family just yet. He needs time...fine by me. He continues to pay his debt....so far so good . Thanks again

Sorry I didn’t read you latest post before I posted the above. What a shame that it has ended this way and obviously the non-confrontational conversation I suggested no longer applies. I’m sad for you that a family celebration ended this way.

I’m sure you did this with the best of intentions to help all your children but I think I would have a conversation with him saying that it is important to you financially that he makes regular repayments like his two siblings. I would say that if he is unable to do this he must say so and you will add a codicil to your will that in fairness two your other two children the amount he was given should be deducted from any inheritance he receives. If this is done in a non-confrontational, matter of fact way it shouldn’t harm your relationship. What Flexiblefriend has said about the interest is a very good point and should also be applied to the debt.

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Yes, you are all quite right / very convenient way of not paying his debt / I will be changing my will for sure/ he’s not going to get away with not paying back his debt / So if I am not good enough for them they can return MY money

It sounds as though if he wants nothing to do with you, I should see a solicitor, and amend your will by not mentioning him in it. Then he won't be disappointed will he?

Well of course he wants nothing to do with you, he owes you twenty grand he doesn’t want to pay back. This is a convenient excuse for him.

I still encourage you to see a financial advisor, and possibly a lawyer about your will. You will never see that twenty grand again.

Update: yesterday we had a family celebration and all hell broke loose / it started with me getting my granddaughters gcse grades wrong / this same annoying son then started off on me saying you (me) always get the wrong end of the stick etc etc From there it went on to a verbal attack / about me favouring my younger son and daughter etc etc (the said younger son and daughter had already left) . The attack was so bad I couldn’t sleep at all / I am on my own and so this morning I rang my daughter and my younger d.il to tell them about last evening / my daughter of course rang them and all hell broke loose again / this same annoying son then texted me to say he wants nothing more to do with me and that I should not contact him again. He is blaming me for all that happened, How sad / start of a total estrangement / his wife must be rubbing her hands in glee / she never wanted to be part of our family xx

When you write your will can't you just make it clear he get 20000 less than the other two if he hasn't paid any money back to you by the time the will is activated??

Bluegal I watched Judge Judy a few times and she makes me laugh with her pithy comments about her own children...I believe she has 4 or more. She won’t even act as a guarantor for them!

If anybody ever sees Judge Judy? She ALWAYS says NEVER lend money to family. If you can't afford to GIVE it then don't because lending is tricky and causes untold fall outs with family.

IF they chose to pay you back, great. If they don't, you are then in for one heck of a complicated scenario. You will fall out with your son and their siblings will also when they find out he is not paying as agreed. Assuming they all get on now - do you want that?

Obviously I have no knowledge of the relationships between you and all the children so ...just saying.....

You can look up the rules about inheritance tax on gov.uk where it is explained clearly.

If you need the money to have a comfortable retirement you should have used that £60k to fund it, anyone would be lucky to inherit £325k as and when, I have never been left a penny but it has never bothered me. I really don't think that you should be worrying about any money you have at your age. I don't believe in loans, I would always give what I could but not loan.

As your other two are paying the money back, I think you should certainly amend your will, stating that the amount that has not been paid back upon your demise is to be deducted from each child's inheritance. This way they all, eventually, in what I hope is the dim and distant future end up treated equally. And that was your intention, obviously.

The most important thing crazyH is that you are not short of money now to enable you to have an enjoyable retirement, doing what you want ie nice holidays maybe, and meals out with friends.

I would echo what has been said - get proper legal advice, and do something about that greedy son too!

crazyH please get yourself a wee appointment with a financial advisor.

The tax issues here are complicated amd it also looks like you are not certain of how much all your assets and investments are worth.

Plus you are comcerned about an ongoing income.

Get all your documentation together and see an IFA. Not that expensive for a couple of appointments and likely to put you on a much better financial footing.

Spot on Elrel !

prompted, not promoted!

I'm guessing that the son who isn't repaying is also the one whose need for more space promoted you to give your son's £20k each!

I really am adrift.....Eglantine says the threshold is £450000....oh I am confused now

And Eglantine's post

Inheritance tax will only be due on it if it means the total of the estate exceeds the IT limit.
(See Monica's post)
Lump sums for a DC wedding are allowed besides the £3,000 pa gift allowance.

You are all adrift here CrazyH. The inheritance tax allowance is £325,000 for a single person plus an additional £125,00 on the value of your home making no it a total £450,000 before you have to pay that particular tax.