I'm just not a 'small children' person

I find my DGC tiring so I’m with you on that OP!
I think, as others have said, these children have had a lot to cope with and their DGD has given stability when they were/are going through changing times. It isn’t every weekend and I hope your DH will see your side of things if you try to spend at least some time with him and the DGC, and then organise lovely together time when they aren’t there. Please talk to him, he does sound a very genuine man.
Good luck.

I like small children, but have a few friends who recently have become Grandparents, they are SO boring, the friends I mean, the only topic of conversation is Grandchildren, photos on their phone being shown constantly, conversations centred around these babies.I love babies and have had my own Grandchildren, but this really is too much. Where did normal conversations go to?

A friend and I were talking about this exact thing on Saturday afternoon.
Ankle biters as she calls them, we both love our own children and in my case DGC to bits, but other peoples leave us a bit cold.
We discuss it together and DD feels the same but not in public so nice to be able to admit it here^.

bytheway, wouldn’t it seem very odd to the GCs if their GF reduced contact with them because they now have a stepmother? And the stepmother having taken on two children on top of new husband and her own child might need a break as she eases into the rôle of mother of three.

I always feel surprised that some people don’t find little children quite fascinating from the day that they are born. I love having babies and toddlers around though when I was 70 and it was a 10 hour day 3 days a week I was happy to have just one at a time. They change from day to day. If I didn’t see them for a week the change was huge. The development of language is fascinating as are their similarities and differences from parents and siblings and the development of skills and character; well I could write a book about each one if I wasn’t busy with before and after school responsibilities.

My youngest GC is about to start proper school so no more babies and on to the next stage.

Of course I know that people love their dogs like children/best friends and I just wouldn’t want one in my house so it’s horses for courses.

Add me to the list of non lovers of small children...I much prefer them when they act/speak sensibly.

Jane10 why do the women have to be the ones to bend their lives out of shape in case they “lose that nice man”?

If the OP were retired I’d say she was moaning with no goid reason but she works full time! It is totally unreasonable to expect her to be running after little ones all weekend as well.
The SAHM mum, who is nobly looking after the son’s 2 children most of the time, has made her needs clear. The OP should make her needs clear too and not have to put up with being kicked out of the house.

sunnysusie the OP says that it's every other weekend they seem to have one of the children so they already potentially have at least 2 weekends a month off. Also she's at work during the week so doesn't have to see them.
If she doesn't make slightly more of an effort that nice man of hers might think the worse of her. A risk?

I've never been good at the little ones either -better when they are older and you can converse and do things with them. No need to feel guilty.

I really sympathise with your position, after a tiring working week, a quiet weekend would be perfect and no chance of that with small children around. But like everything else with little ones this situation wont last. Possibly the new Mum needs time to adjust to constantly having three kids around, perhaps your DH genuinely loves having the kids, maybe he had loving grandparents who made his own childhood special. What about trying to negotiate a childfree weekend once a month? That seems reasonable to me, particularly if your DH also has the GC in the week when you are at work. Its not perfect, but it might tide you over until they grow up a bit.

Your husband is a very caring father and grandfather Springychicken he also needs to be a caring husband. I understand completely your feelings about small children, I felt much the same. As others have said the children will grow up quickly and not need so much care.
In the meantime why not discuss with your family having one weekend per month child free so you and your husband can plan some time together.

Looking after young kids is exhausting for anyone of any age, so I say ‘hats off’ to your husband for caring enough about his son and new partner to help and support them. It’s probably very difficult and tiring for him especially as he’s doing it without any practical or emotional support from you. Even though you find young kids boring can you not find it in your heart to be forbearing with good grace for the sake of your own relationship? There must be something, some activity, that you enjoy and could introduce to and share with your step-grandkids, and so get to know them as individuals and grow a relationship with them.

If your stepson’s new relationship is to have a hope of surviving the couple and their blended family will need practical support from time to time over the years. If you want to be a full part of this family, and nurture your own marital relationship, you must play a full part in this, within the limitations of your work life. After all, the childcare is not every day and there is still plenty of opportunity for you and your husband to live your own lives.

Yes I think I can understand your situation - at the end of the day they're not your grandchildren so the bond isn't really there which probably makes it harder and to have your weekends disrupted every week after you've been working is a bit much. Would you be able to compromise and have a firm commitment to have them the Saturdays their father is working but Sunday is your day of rest. Maybe arrange something for just the two of you to do together. Your husband sounds a lovely man who wants to do the best for his family but giving his son Sunday off from his responsibilities as a father isn't really helping them to bond as a new family unit either.

Your husband is a loving, supportive father and grandfather. what's not to admire? His commitment to his family will extend to the love and commitment he has to you. The fact there is a 'new mother ' on the scene doesn't diminish the need these young children have for stability and loving adults.
Grandparents are even more important where children experience the break down of their parents relationship.

I accept looking after small children is exhausting, I know, because we do it. It sounds as though it's your relationship that needs talking through so you can reach some kind of consensus about how much free time you can spend together whilst not denying your husband the opportunity to do something he seems to love.

Could you maybe take hem out to a local park? Back home for a bite to eat, then you have done your bit for the day.

I don't see why the weekend babysitting couldn't be cut down a bit.
Sons partner finds it hard with three children.
Presumably she also knew the score when she got with him, so its not all down to the OP to compromise.

I’m afraid I have no sympathy for your plight.

All I see here are three adults, one of whom is a loving. Grandfather pulling together to establish a secure and loving environment for these children who have sadly already had a rough start in their lives.

I admire your DH saying if his son needs help, he will provide it. Your DH will need help and understanding from you, will you provide it?

Perhaps the issue is that they are your Step grandchildren not your sons children. I think you would feel more of a bond if they were your sons children. I have my own grandchildren and step grandchildren and in my case, others might be different, I didn't feel the same bond and love when they were born, although I always make sure they are treated the same.

As others have said - hats off to the care giving grandfather. You married your husband knowing he had family - and no great surprise that grandchildren would come along. Your husband has adapted and embraced the opportunity to be a hands on grandfather. You however feel you have a right to opt out of his family the family you married into. His flesh and blood should feel like your flesh and blood too. Your resentment will not change until you consider your situation properly. Giving your husbands family a wide berth when they are around - don't you think that his young grandchildren do not have feelings too. They will not respond to you if you do not respond to them. A great shame and no wonder your husband has suggested you leave the house - that's to spare his grandchildren's feelings. They've already been rejected by a parent.

Entertaining small children can be boring and frustrating, not to mention if they’re in your house they can leave a trail of chaos. Who feeds/ entertains/ cleans up after them? I don’t think it’s unreasonble to expect a weekend free of them after a working week. Perhaps your OH could take them out for the day instead of being under your feet. Some careful negotiation needed here.

It's not actually all that often really. Every other weekend and sometimes during the week. Suck it up. You don't have to be around but you may well bitterly regret not having a better relationship with your step family in years to come.
As others have said, time will take care of this. Your OH sounds like a kind responsible person.

Hats off to your husband for being a lovely caring granddad not always so many around
I totally understand some people don’t find small kids exciting or manageable, and they aren’t yours either but having said that life is totally about sacrifices and adaptions

This is hard as I can see it from both sides how about your husband taking the kids out and about one of the weekend days so you can have a relaxing day on your own and then have the other day together, it is going to need negotiation and movement from both of you

Leaving aside the question of whether you do or don't like small children it is perfectly reasonable for you to expect to have some peace and quiet in your own home at the weekend as you are working during the week. And no it is not reasonable for your husband to expect you to go out to do this. I dearly love spending time with my little ones but would find it exhausting to have them around at weekends after a busy working week. Of course it is lovely that your husband wants to support his family but you also need his respect and support. Surely a middle way can be negotiated that accommodates everyone's needs.

Be thankful your OH is a man who CARES about his family.As someone else said these kids have had it rough ,now theres a new woman in their lives and they need a bit of continuity at GD's .Surely giving them the security they need for now isn't a lot to ask/ I'd be very annoyed if my OH didn't support our children and GC

Hi...thanks for all your replies...so good to know it isn’t just me. To answer a few questions stepson does work occasional Saturdays and apparently his partner finds all 3 kids together too much on her own. BUT we still get one every other Sunday...I think DH likes to give them a break though I honestly don’t see why.

And yes for me it is too much. Also Jobey68 I do have a son myself who is 30 and showing no signs of settling down or having children (thank god) although I must admit I have thought i might feel differently if he did have a child.

So, for now, I guess I must grin and bear it!