I'm just not a 'small children' person

Phew...difficult...I think the OP could be my husband's view t.b.h. He has married into a large family with lots of kids and grandkids (4 of my own and 2 step kids from a previous marriage also) We always seem to have some catastrophe or other and he steps up, running about here there and everywhere! Does he get fed up? Yep...as I do! But at the end of the day.....we help out as much as we can.

I've told him to say NO....when yet another AC asks if he can do school run or whatever. He won't do it! He also works full time as well shift work as I do.

Only YOU can sort this bytheway Either go along with it OR do as DH suggests and absent yourself. I would not stop helping my children -even if I moan sometimes lol - but that is MY choice and its is your DH's choice and you have the choice of doing other things OR joining in?

I don't find small children boring....just EXHAUSTING

I think some of you are a bit quick to pin a halo on this chap.
He probably is very nice and kind but he also does seem to expect help from bytheway or she wouldn't be constantly interrupted.

I also don't agree that it is anything to do with a 'biological bond'. Adoptive parents love their children just as much as biological parents.

Not enjoying the company of tiny children is not some sort of character flaw, it's just different. She is not wishing them ill, just doesn't want to spend so much time looking after them after a week at work.

I do wonder how we have got to the situation where there are so many demanding grown up children these days.

I have friends who admit that they are absolutely exhausted looking after their grandchildren for several days per week.They have said that it really was not how they had planned to spend their retirement, yet they feel unable to say no, when the cost of paid childcare is mentioned.

I considered it was my responsibility to look after my own children, and though my parents and in laws did babysit and take the children for days out from time to time, it was by no means expected of them.

By the way Nanny41 I completely agree with you about how some people talk absolutely non stop about their grandchildren! It's infuriating isn't it? We must all guard against doing it, as the fact is, other people are really not interested, despite any polite nods and smiles.

I’m with you all the way Bytheway, just typed a message to you and it disappeared ??‍♀️ The gist of it was nothing lasts forever, especially unhappy situations. You didn’t sign up for this when you got married and your husband should be considering you too.

Have you had children of your own? If not, then perhaps that's why you don't care much for little kids.

As I understand it, your DH has one or other of his DGC round on alternate Sundays (so just one weekend day out of four) to take some of the pressure off his son’s very new little family unit. Good on him, he sounds like a lovely, kind man, and no doubt he enjoys the chance to spend time with his grandchild. They’ll be at school soon (the 4 year old from tomorrow, I assume), so less chance for him to see them during the week while you’re not around. You’ve made your feelings clear to him, and he doesn’t expect you to help, but you still feel resentful. He’s already suggested you go out while the child is there, so if you want to watch a film why not go to the pictures? Or can’t you arrange to meet up with friends on those days? It’d be lovely if you could make the effort to spend a little time helping him out and getting to know the children who are, after all, part of your extended family, but if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. Are the children at yours all day, or is it just for a few hours?

Tell Mum and Dad how you feel. That's okay. Just because we are grandparents or step-grandparents or whatever, doesn't mean we are permanently available [free] child carers. Yes, of course, it is good to help out, but not so much that it is causing you to feel resentful or causing friction in your relationship with your husband.

Sometimes, it seems to me that our children forget that our primary purpose in life is no longer to accommodate and care for them. We've done that when they were growing up. Most of us are glad to help them out from time to time or even on a regular basis but it is not an entitlement.

I raised my daughter, mostly as a single parent (even when I was still married), then I cared for my elderly mother until her death, now I put in lots of granny time to care for my grandchildren. I don't resent any of this, but I do need some time that is my time –and absentdaughter does, of course, recognise this.

I don't think it unreasonable to want to have time with your husband at the weekend when you are working. If DH is with the children during the week then he should compromise about the weekends. If the children came every other weekend it would be better for you

MissA
and never, ever, ever, squeeze their lovely chubby little knee even if it is well covered by a Babygro and a ski suit.
You will be arrested by the new breed of Precious Parents.

Maybe the new partner needs a little time with her own little one. It's a big change for them too. This one is suddenly having to share his/her mummy with two strange children. Perhaps your stepson is being thoughtful towards his new partner, being caring like his dad. This is not a criticism of you, just another way to look at it.

I only love babies that are sitting in their pushchairs smiling at me, and are then wheeled off in the opposite direction.

ps your DH does sound like a lovely man bytheway so you need to come to a compromise.

That's a bit harsh harrigran!

We don't know how the long the OP has been married; she may adore her DH and married him long before the DGC arrived on the scene. When they did arrive they didn't live that near and presumably had two parents to care for them.

Then somehow the mother disappears from the scene and OP's step-DS moves nearer, meets a woman with a child and hey presto, there are three little children in the equation.

Not everyone loves babies especially if they are not your own or your DGC. You are working full-time (she doesn't say how old she is) and you are expected to take on child-care!

Children can be demanding and tiring, however much you love them.

bytheway
As far as I've read (that's 3/4 of the replies) no-one has suggested that the parents of your stepson's new partner might take a turn looking after the children on the same basis.
Why?
I'd be wary of getting too involved as your stepson and new partner might not last the distance, after all, she moved in pretty quickly and might move out if she feels weighed down with 3 little ones.
What if they have a child together, accidently or not? Your OH may be the kindest man but if asked to do more, are you prepared for that?
Whatever the outcome, you have a treasure in your DH and I sincerely hope compromise can be achieved without you feeling niggled.

I am at a loss as to why you married a man with GC if you dislike them, just live a solitary life and then you would not have to have any input into childcare.
How cold do you have to be not to love babies ?

I'm with you op find small children tiring and worked with them a long time ago. I have gc and although nice to see them it's great when they go home. Like another thread a few days ago I'm indifferent to my gc and enjoy my free time (still working) doing things without interruption or having to think about anyone else. I've spent 40 years caring for others, running a home and working so think I'm entitled to some me time. Selfish possibly but gc are nice to spend time with in small amounts and if it dosn't interfere with my plans so standing in line to get my arse kicked as well

I should amend that to "some young parents" - not all.

It's sad that the natural parents of these children are not around to fulfil their roles - and it's hard on the new step-mum who finds herself coping with three little ones who may have some problems.

However, leaving it to you bytheway to spend your weekends coping with little children after a full working week is expecting rather a lot imo.
Others have said it will be good to build up a relationship with the children - well, you can build up a better relationship if you see them perhaps with the parent and you can have a couple or three hours of being 'happy granny' then send them home again with a .

I sometimes think that young parents have too high expectations of our generation these days.

I love cheese...grandad is usually too knackered to carry on giving the little one his full attention and as this child is ‘full on’ he (child) will then turn to me and demand attention, and he is one of those who will go on and on and on until he gets what he wants.... teeth gritted....

But why is it bytheway who is being constantly interrupted and having to respond to the children? Where is Grandad?

I like small children, but I can see things from OP's point of view. Frankly having a grandchild every other weekend does seem a little much, especially when you are still working full time, bytheway.

Is your house big enough for you to have one room to yourself for at least a few hours while the grandchild is there at the weekend? You could always call it resting, or doing some work you have brought home as far as the little one is concerned. It might help, if you don't feel forced to be continually interrupted doing whatever you feel like in the only time off you have.

Bytheway I sympathise with how you feel. Small children are very wearying, especially when you finish your working week and are looking forward to a relaxing weekend! I admire your husband's kindness and stamina in looking after them so frequently, but I think you need to negotiate fewer weekend visits - perhaps just once a month. Your husband could still have them as often as he wishes while you are at work. Your S & DIL are a lot younger than you and should be able to cope with 3 small children at the weekends.

When my own children were small I often had half the neighbour's children in our house after nursery/school and at weekends. But I was a lot younger then, and the noise, mess, arguments & constant activity didn't bother me. But now I find it exhausting. I love my GC and AC dearly but I do not want to babysit, childmind or care for them for any length of time. Been there, done that, it's their turn now. I'm quite happy to enjoy their visits/short stays and then breathe a sigh of relief as life returns to normal when they leave. They don't love us any less than their other GPs whom they see more frequently.

I think that arranging a whole day to yourself & dh at the week-end may be the way to go remember you are working full-time during the week and deserve time with your dh.Yes he is being a fully supportive grandparent but he needs to be a fully supportive husband as well.
I love having my dgc's to visit and will care for them as and when but I also enjoy my husbands company child free.

sarahcyn if it was a man complaining about the step grandchildren I'd say exactly the same thing!!

Dont let this situation go on any longer otherwise there will be fallings out and nobody will be happy, and probably you wont see the grandchildren. If the new love is a stay at home mum then surely the two of them can sort something out.