Is it bad to read spouse‘s diary?

Yes a diary is private, your husband should not have read it. Now that the contents are known you need to talk about it all.
I would not expect my husband to look at my diary, phone or emails. Was your husband worried about you and felt excluded from things. Not an excuse but sometimes worries get out of proportion.

He is in the wrong. Its never okay to read someone's diary.

Thank you Sodapop - even one person agreeing with me makes me feel better! The irony is that the issues I was writing about had been discussed and I came clean about feeling envious and told him I wrote my feelings down in order to recognise what was bugging me. There was nothing in there that I hadn’t talked about subsequently.

He's wrong to have read your diary.

He is fully responsible for any upset that has resulted in him reading what you wrote.

These are the reasons people read other peoples diaries:
- they are controlling/abusive
- trust is already gone, they know it's over, but want proof before calling it a day
- they care more about their own impulses (curiosity in this case) than respecting the other persons boundaries.

Ask him which one made him open your diary in the first place, then ask him who out of the two of you has most right to be upset right now!

Bang out of order!

He is completely in the wrong, my diary is kept in plain sight, I would never expect my DH to open it at all

He is wrong.

Never, ever read anyone's diary. If you foryou live with the consequences. He did and think the things that upset you, although not bad, matter to you, need to be discussed. ,

Yes, yes and yes.

Sorry, I meant Yes to the thread title, and NO YANBU

You aren't at all unreasonable - your husband is!

Yes I agree with everyone , he is wrong!!

Grampy read my diary when we first met , I had written ' Nice boy but not the sort you want to go out with' . We've been married 42 years this year !!!

He told me that he had read it and was hurt and I replied that people who read diaries never read good of themselves !!

I wonder why your DH is hurt? Its an invasion of your privacy and often things we write down are not fully formed thoughts, just ramblings to get them out of your head so you can make some sense of them. Im afraid he can be as hurt as he likes but it was wrong.

Bang out of order and if he's upset by what he read, he only has himself to blame.

People read other people's diaries because they are nosy,
not necessarily anything more sinister, but he shouldn't have started, and he certainly shouldn't have carried on when he realised how personal it was.

Obviously he should not have read your diary but now that he has it's time to have a heart to heart and get back on an even keel.
My own opinion is I would never write down my private thoughts because if they were ever read the consequences are unpredictable to say the least. For instance if I had been noting negative comments about him week after week I can imagine my husband or partner being very upset even to the point of leaving because he was making me unhappy

People read other people's diaries because they are nosy,
not necessarily anything more sinister

Satisfying your own impulses at the expense of your partner's personal boundaries isn't sinister?

I agree that lots of negative comments would be good for thought for anyone but it was as the result of being up for hours in the night and trying to work out what I was really feeling. I have said nice things about him because he is a lovely man. It was more acknowledging my own short comings and as already said , ramblings not meant for anyone else’s eyes. Even if I did write mean things ( which even now I re read were not mean ) , I am entitled to my thoughts! Of course I won’t do it again but I do need an outlet - don’t we all ?

Sorry - would NOT be good for anyone to read

Why shouldn't you "do it again"?

You did nothing wrong?

Good grief how narcissistic would you have to be to think you never ever irritate or frustrate your partner? You just dont hear every niggle because most people pick their battles, which is what you were doing by sorting your thoughts in your diary

Thank you Notanan2. Well , I think I may rant to myself on my PC . I think it unlikely that I will ever stop ranting - kind of keeps me sane ?

We all do it! I do it in my head/thoughts.

YANBU. Diaries and journals are private.

I told my DSD that the ONLY time I would ever read her private diary would be if I had serious concerns and she wouldn't talk to me. I would also be letting her know that I had read it. So far I have not needed to do so.

It was very wrong of him to do it. Has it put you off using a diary again for your innermost thoughts?

My mother read my diary when I was 15 or 16 and she tore it up. I only keep a diary now for appointments- zilch else. All that was in my diary was teenage rubbish.