Is it bad to read spouse‘s diary?

I agree op it’s wrong but afraid I would have read it too. Being honest

Love your name Mycat
Yes, we may as well be honest on this subject, I agree.

Luckily no 'secret' documents in our house to tempt me. I wouldn't be able to resist I'm afraid.

Diaries are a longstanding habit for many people. Some are intended for sharing others most definitely are private and often a way of the writer managing life/emotions. It was a breach of trust for DH to read a private thoughts type diary. I have nothing to hide, as the OP didn't, from DH but if I kept a diary I would be totally pi**ed off if he read it uninvited. Like reading my thoughts.. they are my own to share only when I choose.

Good one Lemongrove ?

It is wrong, rude, nosy and and completely out of order to read anyone else's diary or confidential correspondence without first being given permission. It is also extremely arrogant to believe that it is okay to do so, whatever the relationship.

Not relevant to the OP, but this is the second reply I have made (different threads) where a double underline has appeared of its own – rather inappropriate – accord. Does anyone know why?

Reading other people's private papers, whether online or in print is absolutely taboo, no matter how close the reader is.

I feel embarrassed reading the letters my grandmother wrote to my grandfather in the early 1930s, while he was in the army abroad and she was at home with their 11 children. The letters are mainly family news, but it still feels an intrusion even though the writers both died nearly 50 years ago. It still feels an intrusion.

www.theguardian.com/books/2018/may/15/anne-franks-dirty-jokes-found-diary-pages-covered-brown-paper

Your post prompted me to google Anne Frank to see if she had intended her diaries to be read and I came upon this. I think it was wrong of them to do this. Anne obviously did not want these pages read.

That was Monica's post I referred to.

I totally agree with notanan2 in everything she has said.

stringvest

No offence mate, but what are you on about? “her part in this”? What, having her own private thoughts and writing them down in privacy?

The person who committed allllll the breach of trust here is the husband, and he needs to do the apologising.

Your partner is entitled to the privacy of the inside of their own head.

I really really do not see what Katerina has done that she in any way needs to apologise for.

If you are an adult old enough to have got married, amd you think your partner never has a few shady or unkind thoughts about you in the privacy of their own mind from time to time, I have a bridge to sell you. A happy marriage is one where the shady thoughts stay unspoken and unacted upon - human nature isn’t unfailingly kind and loving despite 1 Corinthians 13.

My granny always says “if you go looking for trouble hard enough, you’ll find it”. OP’s husband has fallen foul of that.

er.....stringvest, her part was to have her diary read and then for her husband to say HE'S upset. Her part was to have her privacy invaded and for him to feel aggrieved!

Sorry but in my book he needs to say sorry and she needs to have a bit of time to adjust to having her innermost thoughts read....when all she wanted to do was to write them down to help her process them and cope. A diary is really a cheap and effective way of having counselling. It allows you to have a bit of a moan, a rant and for it to hurt no one. She has nothing to regret or be forgiven for.
I agree that the two of them need to solve this and no doubt a little give and take will be needed but she has done nothing wrong.
Lor if we all went around telling our OHs all our inner most thoughts as and when they pop into our heads we would all be going mad. We all have things we cannot quite cope with, some are better solved by being discussed whilst the others need to be mulled over and allowed to drift away, especially when they are those complex ones that actually cannot be solved by anything we do. Those complex ones that are more about how our children's lives are progressing. As GPs we do find that we have to let our children live their lives, we cannot micro manage them as they move on into their 30s 40s and beyond. We still worry, we still care but we just have to let them live as they see fit and hope they make the right choices. Hence, the diary were thoughts and troubles can be unburdened yet drift away.

At least your DH admitted reading your diary!!! No it’s wrong wrong wrong but I admi to reading my children’s diaries - never opened up to it but made me more erm aware!! Yes all still wrong bahaha. X

Complex moral dilemma - perhaps reading a diary is one fault, owning up to doing so is another. He actually caused more pain by letting her know. Although we do not fully know all the details and how he owned up, but sometimes you just have to cope with things you find out (that you should not have) and your 'punishment' is to cope in silence.
Its one take on single marital discretions....how much more damage is done by owning up? The full on affair that demands a solution is one thing.....one drunken dalliance that will not be repeated is another....sometimes the culprit will just have to keep schtum and swallow the guilt.

Was your DH brought up in a house which put little store by privacy? My late MIL said that she always read her husband's letters - I don't know whether she asked him or not. My DH did once find my diary and wanted to discuss it with me - he had no compunction about having read it.

Diaries are private. Your husband is trying to control you and make you feel bad. He should have had respect for your privacy and not read it. Diaries sometime in the future become social history. continue writing,

They only become social history if someone reads them. In my link regarding Anne Frank I don't think they should have gone this far to read them. My OH thinks they were right to.