Retirement panic

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Oh dear Rufuss do you think this has been his intention all along? I'm sorry to hear this is his ultimatum Just one word of caution on whatever you do decide - someone upthread mentioned capital gains so I would definitely check with a solicitor what the rules would be in your situation. We have two properties and would be liable for CG if/when we sell one unless they both fall under the threshold.

And, Rufusmum, what did you say to that? Sounds a bit like a threat to me. If it were me I think I'd say that's fine. And start to live my own interesting life. My thoughts are with you.

Wow, he has not only shook the boat by that comment but gouged huge holes in it. In my opinion there is no way the two of you could float together forever on that rumble from him.

Stay put and let him sell and do his thing. I suspect a drowning rat will turn up at your door one day. Whether you let him in is your choice.

Best of luck in your new free life.

Yes, it does seem as though the water rat has finally revealed himself. Horrible for you but good to know now before you have, quite literally, sunk your assets into his boat dreams/fantasies. You now have a good idea where you stand in this relationship. Some hard decisions ahead for you. Please seek some good legal advice as soon as possible and ensure you keep your roof over your head. Some tricky waters and locks ahead, navigate carefully and in a fully informed manner.
Good luck Rufussmum. ?

So sorry, Rufussmum. I echo what Apricity says. I fear there will be some choppy waters ahead till things are more settled, for you.

Wishing you much good luck and sending good will

Rufussmum, I just echo what Apricity has already said upthread. Oh my goodness, what on earth would you have done if all his true feelings came to light after you had gone down the joint boat idea?. He may indeed come back later, very wet tail between his sea legs, begging to be forgiven. Do take extra care, legal advice etc, etc. Sending all good wishes to you for the future.

Oh my goodness, what on earth would you have done if all his true feelings came to light after you had gone down the joint boat idea?
Exactly.
It sounds as if this man has no thoughts for you, only for himself.

Get some financial and legal advice on your situation so that you know where you stand, regardless of what you decide to do in the end.

Oh dear! He can't have his cake & eat it too!! Go to a lawyer for clear legal advice on your marital and financial options. Think carefully about what you want to make you content in the future and go for it. Good luck ?

Your DH could maybe do with some counselling to explore his feelings and what he wants to do.
He may be a bit panicked at the idea of retiring and has not realised how unfair his suggestion would be for you.
(Trying to be generous to him, here.)

Could be the solution you need.
It sounds as if he has been having similar doubts to yours about the way the relationship was headed.
Counselling?

It sounds like your husband is having a bit of a crisis in confidence about the relationship. Instead of looking at it that he is selfish, turn it around and wonder if the current living arrangement is not suiting him so he feels like life is boring and pointless especially as retirement is looming. Does he feel that when you're not around so wants to fill that time with the boat? Relationships are always more complicated than one person being wrong, the other being right so maybe this would be the time to explore what you both want out of life and if there is any way of getting it together or whether this would be the moment to move on so you both have the opportunity to find what you want.

Don’t do it.?

Yes, DH is finding it hard to adjust to his news life - sans job/role in the wide world. I have decided to keep calm and let him come to his senses. Then we will have a new conversation about the future.

Is there no way he can continue work in some way part time or on a freelance basis? Not necessarily with the same company. DH is only just finally completely stopping work at 75, he has worked on a self employed basis since retirement, taking on major contracts when he first 'retired', but gradually taking on fewer and shorter contracts as he felt less able to keep up with the travelling the work entailed.

Monica..DH is nearly 73 and has been looking for part-time contracts but these are rare in his field. Most work is through specialist agencies. He only finished his last job in May.
Could be a solution if he could find work nearer home but no luck so far.

DH continues to work p/t and shows no sign of giving up..he is 70. I too do bits of work (67). On the days we are both round the house with nothing specific to do we manage not to irritate each other too much Winter is worse when I am not gardening. We go out quite a bit & share an interest in cryptic crosswords and quizzing so can usually find common interests when we are home. If however u do not have a gang of friends or shared interests then you do need to think what a shared f/t life will be like.

Just remember the house that is in your sole name will be seen as joint property should you divorce. All the assets get lumped in together and split 50/50. Your married and it's the law, doesn't matter what it says on your house deeds.

As long as they have two houses of similar value that's not so bad, FlexibleFriend.
Not so good if one partner has already spent all their equity.

Ruffussmum .
How are things going for you now?
The divorce threat was, I hope, an empty threat.
All the advice to get lawyers is IMO
jumping the gun.
Men are daft sometimes.
I think you are spot on in letting him come to his senses and then talking.

Ruffussmum - blimey, what an unreasonable response you got from your husband.

I'd be hopping mad, given you've had so much angst about the future together. I most likely would tell him where to go - on a one way boat trip to the other side of the world!

You have sensibly decided to discuss your situation. If he is unhappy - and you are too by the sounds of it - it may be time to call it a day. Do discuss your options before you go down the divorce route. It's expensive and calls for big adjustments for you. Just make sure it's what you both want.

It sounds as though staying put and accepting the status quo might be the best option for both of you. You would stay in your own houses, wouldn't have to see each other and there would be no upheaval. I'd be pulling up the drawbridge too, I am afraid. You may be more tolerant and forgiving but I'd probably be digging a moat too and telling him what to do with his boat!

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

Well he has really shown his true colours hasn't he?

What a good job you have your own house. Many on here have quite rightly, advised you not to sell it.

Like I said before - this is a very selfish man.

Thanks for your comments everyone. The divorce 'threat' has been withdrawn. DH now understands that in the event of his buying an expensive boat, in the face of my doubts, he will have to find himself somewhere else to live - even if it means renting,

Well done, Rufussmum Sounds like there could be a good outcome after all.

gmelon advice to get professional legal advice is not jumping the gun. It is always good to know what you can/ can't do ..even if you never need to use the info.