Retirement panic

Unless you are really going to enjoy the boat as well please don't sell your house. The problem is going to be him selling his house, buying the boat and moving in with you! Get talking fast before things go where you don't want to, you really sound very uncertain. As you think you were both happy to return to your own homes do talk to him about this.

If I felt as reluctant as the OP, I certainly wouldn't give up my own place.

However, if you really, really want to feel you've given the idea proper consideration, why not let your own house for 6 or 12 months and move in with OH for a trial run? At the end of that time, you should have a pretty good idea of whether or not you want to make the arrangement permanent.

Stay in your own home for now as presumably you can afford to keep the house going by yourself.

He wants to spend all his capital and some of yours on a boat, while what's left of your money will buy a small house for both of you .

Do you share his enthusiasm for boating? Will you be joining in enthusiastically, with all the boat based activities or will it just be his (expensive) hobby? Will he expect you both to be pooling your incomes to finance the shared household and the boat.

Boat owning, whether it is a floating hideout, that never leaves the riverbank or marina, gin palace wandering up and down the Thames or a sailing cruiser, is an expensive hobby, we did it for a couple of years. A lot of his money will go on it. Who will pay the home based bills?

Thanks to everyone who replied. The houses we have now are both small and we are unlikely to get anything cheaper. I do find myself feeling very claustrophobic after a few days in the same house. I know this decision will be 'forever' as we won't be able to change things again.
I haven't been used to speaking us for myself I think, especially if it means disappointing someone else.

It sounds as though you need to start speaking up, tell him what you want, if you don’t want a boat then tell him!

Tell him you want a house with lots of room so that you can live together without being on top of each other.

You are supposed to be in a partnership don’t let him walk all over you, Speak Up!

So he wants to sell his house and buy himself a boat and you sell your house which you are happy in and you both squeeze into something smaller which is going to make you “feel very depressed”. Hmmmm there’s not a lot in that arrangement for you. My philosophy has always been when in doubt don’t. If you are satisfied that you can’t afford to keep your current two houses going could you maintain the lifestyle that seems to have worked up to now by selling up and buying two smaller cheaper to run properties? After all there are ongoing expenses in running a boat so why not a small flat for example. Hope you can find a solution and my advice would be to ensure it works for you as well as him. Good luck.

"""""I am torn between what I suppose I should do (agree to move in together as we are getting on a bit) and facing the fact that the thought makes me feel very depressed. """

I think this says it all.

If you do sell up and live together can you do so without resentment with regard to the boat etc. And if it gets all a bit claustrophobic.... it's a bit late to then start to set up separate homes again, even if it was possible, considering a substantial sum of money would be in the boat.