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When to revive a friendship.

(39 Posts)
Coconut Sat 22-Sept-18 11:36:19

Altho I have regular contact with most friends, none of them want to do the same holidays as me. Some have partners, some don’t have the money and some have a different bucket list than me. So I travel with a Singles Co and am having an amazing time, Jazz tour from Chicago to New Orleans, the Rio Carnival, Venetian River Cruise and off to Lake Como for the New Year. There’s a saying “ if I wait for someone to come with me I won’t go anywhere” so look at what’s on offer for us Singles, the world is truly your oyster !

justwokeup Sat 22-Sept-18 11:35:29

We have a group gets together every now and then and it's always the same person who sends out the invitation. We love getting together, so we're really glad she takes the trouble but, tbh, we might not make the effort to arrange meeting up. Why not arrange another get together and just drop the idea of a holiday casually into the conversation? Perhaps 'Oh, I've really enjoyed meeting up with you again - it would be so nice if we could make it longer. What do you think about a day out/city break/weekend away?" Then you can see if they are interested without it appearing to be a 'formal' invitation. Personally I agree with Pearlsaminger - you don't know someone until you've been on holiday with them so a short break would probably be enough to start with.

Pearlsaminger Sat 22-Sept-18 11:20:38

Be careful what you wish for... I went on holiday with my ‘best’ friend of 20 years... we knew each other inside out. Or so I thought...

You really never know someone until you holiday or live with them! And she wasn’t the person I thought she was. Very selfish with no regard for anyone else. Her behaviour was abusive and shocking.

That was 2014... I’ve seen her half a dozen times since - she’s one of those people who will invite you to see her at her house, (but not always remember she’s invited you til you’ve driven the 20 miles there, called her, to be told ‘Oh I forgot, and I’m out for the day now!) but won’t make any effort whatsoever to come and see you, or even agree a halfway meet.

I’ve not spoken to her in 19 months now. Why? Because I gave up doing all the running. I stopped messaging to see how long it took her to get in touch. To see if I was ok. To even say hello. It hasn’t happened yet... She likes posts I put up on FB but can’t send a message through. And my heels are firmly dug in now. I point blank refuse to contact her.

And the thing I’ve discovered most... is that I don’t miss her at all. Maybe she’s found the same, who knows - until she gets in touch to tell me! grin

Eglantine21 Sat 22-Sept-18 11:20:26

I’ve had some fabulous holidays with Just You as well, quizqueen.

I hesistated to mention Christmas because it’s TOO EARLY, except if the OP wants a little jolly they are getting booked up!

FarNorth Sat 22-Sept-18 11:16:04

If you don't specially long to go on holiday with those particular friends, but just want company then maybe on a single / solo holiday you might make friends with one or more who you could holiday with in future.

quizqueen Sat 22-Sept-18 11:15:07

In my experience, Just You are the best company to offer singles' travel holidays. Why are people so afraid and apologetic when mentioning Christmas! Traditionally, the UK is a Christian county; I'm an atheist but I'm all for tradition- our traditions.

Hm999 Sat 22-Sept-18 11:09:23

When we were working, it was always she who contacted me. Now we're retired, it's me who emails her and initiates contact. Weird!

Eglantine21 Thu 20-Sept-18 22:37:57

Me, I say yes to anything. If someone suggested a break I’d jump at it, or a show, or an exhibition.

Why not suggest a preChristmas (sorry, sorry - the C word) jolly somewhere.

There’s several on offer from a day trip to a stately home to a few days abroad.

MissAdventure Thu 20-Sept-18 21:50:09

Why not see if either would be interested in a short break?
Maybe a show and an overnight stay somewhere?

Melanieeastanglia Thu 20-Sept-18 21:47:14

I have had friendships like this. If you enjoy seeing these people, I'd keep reviving the friendship. If there are some people you can do without, I'd leave it to them to get in touch.

Holidays - why not go on a holiday for single people? There are lot of firms who run these. I think they are great.

Diana54 Thu 20-Sept-18 21:42:46

I'm sure men are not as adventurous as women I have been on several group holidays as a single, and at least two thirds are women some singles, some with friends, most of the rest couples with a few single men and I have never come across male friends together.
Men of course go on boys trips, golf, boating, cars, bikes but generally tend to stay at home and that makes them dead boring in my opinion.
Go on a group holiday they are great I can particularly recommend " Explore"

Cabbie21 Thu 20-Sept-18 20:58:22

Thanks for your reply, crazyH. I am not single, but my husband does not want as many holidays as I do. One of my friends is in the same boat, and another is a widow. I think we share a lot of interests, but I am not sure I could ask either of them outright at the moment as we haven’t met up for a few months. Maybe they would not want to consider it.

It is hard to get beyond casual friendship really, even with people you really click with.

crazyH Thu 20-Sept-18 19:31:41

Cabbie, why don't you make the first move and suggest a holiday. I take it you are single. Make a suggestion to a few of them and see what responses you get. You have to be very likeminded to share a holiday together.
We used to be a group of 3 and went together on a few holidays. But recently, one of them is very involved with the grandkids because her daughter has gone back to work. I fully understand that. But the other friend has an absolutely ridiculous reason for not wanting to accompany me on a holiday. She is so obsessed with one of her granddaughters (she has 2 other grandkids) she doesn't want to leave her for a week. I have 5 grandkids of my own. I love them but I am not obsessed with them. I see 3 of them fairly regularly- my son's girls, not that often, but that's another story.
So I guess, I will have to start making new friends. I belong to a seniors group but I have not made any real friends there. It's very difficult when you're on your own, isn't it Cabbie ?

Cabbie21 Thu 20-Sept-18 18:29:02

I have several people I am friends with but sometimes there is a long gap between contact. There is probably no real reason other than we are not perhaps that close and we lead busy lives, but when the months have passed, it seems that I am always the one to revive it. It make me wonder whether they don’t want to bother, or whether it is just one of those things.
The fact is, I have a number of friends like this, and I get on well with them, but I would be really pleased if one of them developed into the sort of friendship where eg we could go on holiday together. Just not sure how to progress with this thought.