Don’t know hether I’m coming or going

I have no experience with alcoholism, but you are in the midst of a life changing crisis Felicity and experience witb a number of those has taught me one thing....
take everything one step at a time.
Sometimes, one day at a time.

Sometimes just getting through the next hour is an achievement.
Be patient with yourself.
And remember that however awful and challenging this feels today, you WILL feel differently in six months time.

Please forgive me for not being too switched onto this kind of interaction. So many of you lovely ladies told me ai could get a tremendous amount of support on here but how do I do this . On the same thread even though my first input was a few days ago or do I start a new topic. I’m not sure I can bare my soul all over again but I know I would find it very beneficial to carry on where I left off

Yes just talk away on here. No need to start a new thread

You can continue to comment here or you can start a new thread. Or both.

I quite like the same thread to be updated, so we can see how people are doing.

Hi Felicity, I'd just carry on with this thread, as everyone will know your background, which helps. Is there something else in particular you want to get support with, or that is worrying you?

It's probably best if you stay in your house for now, just to give yourself a breathing space after all that has happened. Moving is a big step when you are unsure where and what you want to do next.

Why not try and do some new social things, just to have a change, and hopefully lift your spirits? I recently joined a community choir, even though I can't sing. It has such a feel good factor, we all come out really happy. And it takes your mind off your worries for a little while. Just an idea.

Felicity, if you are safe in your current location sometimes it is a good idea not to make a major move when you are feeling so uncertain about what you want for the next stage of your life. Friends and family will also be important supports as you create a new life for yourself so moving away may not be a good idea. You are about to open a new chapter of your life. Good luck. ?☘️

This is horrible situation for you and I truely feel for you Don’t rush to move, you cannot move away from memories they stay firmly in your head wherever you run to , why not replace the bad memories with better ones Get a decorator in, move some furniture round change things this is YOUR house don’t let him chase you out of it It will give you something to concentrate on something to get a bit excited by If friends and family are in on his abuse get them round to help you (with a bottle of something)have good memories replace the old ones I think moving gives the underlying feeling that it’s HIS house and you are running away
However much you love him you have to open your eyes to see him as he is and he’s obviously had years to get help and hasn’t if he loved you more than himself he would have
Please don’t shy away from letting your family and friends into your life to help you don’t dismiss some professional help too Counselling can really help you see things from another angle
A big hug and lots of good luck for you to come out the other side of this nightmare xx

Unless financial reasons compel you to sell, can you defer for the time being? If you need to get away, could you take an unscheduled vacation right now? Do you have someone to talk to? You are dealing with a lot right now.....Selling a house plus the move can be a tremendous undertaking and will only add more stress to what is already a very stressful situation.

Give yourself a few months to get yourself sorted emotionally. Things will become much clearer by then and you will be able to make much better decisions.

In the meantime you may want to seek some supportive counseling. As someone else here mentioned too, consider Al-anon as well. They offer help to people whose lives have been shattered by the alcoholics in their lives.

I hope things get better for you soon. Hugs, Willa

Thank you all so much. I think I probably do need some outside help but where to start? Alanon was my first port of call a few years ago and whilst it helped me to understand I was by no means alone it didn’t dispel the demons planted by my ex. I can’t quite believe I’m not a f..ing stupid bitch or nobody likes me etc etc. I found myself with my daughter in John Lewis yesterday. A big treat for me living in the middle of nowhere. Even however with the promise of a drop in to the Prosecco Bar all I wanted to do was go home and hide.
I can hear myself bleating here and I’m ashamed I’m not coping. I’ve listened to all of your advice and whilst I cant make simple decisions I think I’ll heed your advice and take my house off the market for now.Its nearly six o clock and my sofa is safer than John Lewis so maybe a small glass of something cold and fizzy with my dogs is on the cards??

Hi Felicity, I think you're right when you say you need some outside help. Moving house is only a part of your problem. If you make an appointment with your GP he/she will be able to refer you for counselling, though it might take a while. If you can afford it you can have private counselling (just google counsellors in your area).

I think you need to talk things through and not make any hasty decisions. I'm glad you have dogs they can be such a comfort and love you unconditionally.

I agree with kathsue you need to talk this through and a counsellor is a good listening ear to help you get things in the right proportion and get your confidence back.

Another vote for counseling. This relationship, I'm sad to say, has hurt you in more ways than one. It will take time - and help - to heal. More hugs!