PLEASE help me get on with my MIL!

Grannyknot,nella8 is really concerned about her relationship.Even the busiest of people would find time to attempt to rectify it, to some degree.Why on earth did you bother to post your negative surprise?Young mothers are able to prioritise they’re time, not like in the old days when you had all day to make a cup of tea!Shame on you

Hi Gilly I replied negatively because that topic made me feel grumpy on that day.

And thanks Nella for your reply to me. A relationship with a MIL is an important one, so it is heartening to see that you have had many positive responses that hopefully will help you arrive at a good relationship with yours. (Which shouldn't be too difficult, as you say, she's a nice person).

Ive read this whole thread with interest. Its not a new topic and it pops up over and over so there has been shed loads of advice if you look back through the archives.

I read your initial post several times Nella and for what its worth here is my advice - we cant help you with your relationship with your MiL !!

You seem an eminently sensible woman and quite reasonable . So the only way forward is for YOU to fix this . To whatever extent YOU want. This really is an individual situation , you know what you want , its obvious what your MiL wants . You seem kind so you simply need to come to an agreement on what you are both comfortable with.

You can listen to all the advice in the world but YOU know what you want - so tell her. And keep telling her. And keep telling her. Unless she is a total idiot she'll understand.

But don't withdraw access to yourself, your child or your family as 'punishment'. Your child is not a weapon . That's the easy route in my opinion and cold, calculated and mean hearted option.

Talk like the grown women you are with the joint love of a man, your husband, her son.

NanaandGrampy I am sure that Nella knows that she needs to deal with this herself. She just wanted to bounce ideas around. That isn't an unreasonable or unusual thing to do even if people end up with an idea that may have seemed obvious from the beginning. It can sometimes take courage to do things that seem obvious.
It is possible to ignore threads if you think that someone is talking about something that you think is obvious.

My MIL was so different to my own mother and her views on child-rearing were very different too (even cooking - she would stand in the kitchen and advise me what I was doing wrong - I just smiled and ignored her!) but we did establish a very good relationship.
After all, she was DH's Mum, understanding her and what she had gone through in life helped me to understand him.

ps and she always enjoyed what I had cooked too, even if I didn't do it 'her way'.

I am a mother in law who genuinely and sincerely loves her daughter in law and I absolutely dote on my toddler granddaughter. Your post has made me wonder if my own dil feels a little bit like you do about the affection I show her. I hope not. I don't think I am OTT with it - I do tend to kiss her when I see her and when we part. I've never really thought that she might not like this.

I have no advice to give you except to please be kind. There are some good pieces of advice in several of the replies here, so I hope you can work things out, for the sake of your baby son. It's lovely that you are aware of how important a good relationship with his grandparents will be to him.

How sad, your mil sounds needy and is perhaps seeking reassurance from you. Couldnt you say that you will message her weekly with an update and photos of the baby as you are so busy?

Wow! I will text you once a week. How mean!

Hi, I agree with the other responses try and cut down on answering her texts, she is probably trying to hard because usually a daughter is closer to her own mother and the mother in law sometimes feels pushed out, but she does sound OTT so I would get your husband to say something when she strokes your hair, he could laughingly say mum she’s not a dog.
And maybe you could have a day out with her once a month to six weeks making a bit of a fuss of it shopping and lunch telling her how much you look forward to your monthly trips with her.