My husband is lying to me

I stupidly said I would have to find something to do this weekend as we normally spend it together. He blew up and said he would cancel it. I’m trying to avoid another nasty confrontation. Just wondering why he was lying- he could have gone anywhere if he’d said. As I say - I’ll get over it. Want a quiet life at my age!

Just ask what is bothering him. Say you are worried that he seems upset about football and can you help in any way!

Difficult to comment when I don’t know the full history. I could never be with someone who I do not trust. Of course you are both entitled to your own space, however out of mutual respect and concern, most people just touch base and say where they’ll be in case they are needed in an emergency etc. Do you love him ? Do some soul searching and follow your instincts. If a man gets verbally aggressive every time you try to speak to him, he is inadvertently telling you that your feelings do not matter ... so that in itself seriously needs looking at. Good luck ....

Simple. You need to talk and be honest with each other, trust is the most important thing in any relationship. Set time aside for a real heart to heart.

My partner of 15 years started behaving oddly. Saying he was going to work/ was at his work (he worked away mon-Friday) but he wasn’t. I was convinced he was having an affair. Denied all wrongdoings. Professedhis love for me. Something just seemed very off. Sadly it turned out he has a rare dementia that affects the frontal part of the brain (as opposed to memory). Explains all the odd behaviour and random lies. Almost wish it had been an affair.

I agree with PaddyAnn. Why is he not allowed a private life? I would be very upset if my husband wanted to know about my every move and would be tempted to lie! Just because you are married (I was for 50 years) doesnt mean that you have to share everything, perhaps he is fed up with that arrangement.

My second husband, charming chap beloved by all our friends, but totally incapable of actually holding a conversation or telling me things (eg I will say have you spoken to your daughter, usual answer is no then several days later it will emerge he had a message - but as she rarely contacts him and it was a text message he doesn't count that "speaking"). He was taken to the cleaners by this first wife before I met him, so is uber cautious - he has nothing but a small pension. So rather than throw him out we've agreed separate lives and at 70 that suits - at least I'm not beating my head against brick wall. Maybe your husband now just feels that there's no need to tell you things and, rather like mine, isn't actually lying but isn't connecting the dots properly.

I do so agree with Ginny, my entire family used to live life by the 'Lets keep quiet, bury our heads, problems disappear!' mentality, and all wondered why they either had affairs, got divorced, argued constantly, and made life hell. No-one would ever confront problems. I was very different. Probably TOO different, because the second I had a problem, I liked to go over it, talk about it until it was sorted, and my family could not deal with this at all.
However, I don't live with lies, mind games, being walked upon, I would gently sit him down and talk. He might not like it, but tough.
You are married, of course you don't need to know his every whereabouts as someone else posted, however, being lied to about where he's going is completely different.
Sending loads of love, hoping its all innocuous and innocent for you. x

Does he have any money issues? Perhaps he couldn't afford to renew a season ticket and doesn't want to admit it? If the lies and temper tantrum are out of character I would keep my eyes open for anything out of the ordinary. Good luck.

My husband goes out all the time and I don't know exactly where he is going. He has a wide range of friends so his plans could change. I would telephone him if he was later back than normal. ( but even then I have to trust what he tells me. )

I just have to trust him and he has to trust me. We talk about what we have done in the day and if he told me a lie like you feel your husband has after checking my facts, I would take him to task and tell him I wanted to know what he is up to. He obviously isn't a good liar if he made the mistake over the football match.

As others have said your DH might be planning a surprise. My husband planned a big surprise for our Golden anniversary.

I would check up, mine told lies for years and I just thought it was work until I found a hotel receipt for a Hotel for 2 when he was supposed to be at the other end of the country - then telling me I was imagining it.

Many an impotant man will cheat ,in fact they are quite prone to it

Why do you say that it's not possible to cancel train tickets?
I myself have cancelled tickets for rail journeys, there is a charge if you want to change the date or sometimes get a full refund if you ask politely.

Lindill.You say he has lied to you before. At present you do not have enough evidence to indicate he is doing something you would not be happy with and rather than push him for answers which could cause friction between you have the patience, frustrating as it will be, to wait and see what happens next.Good question ?how long do you wait.? Get on with your life as what ever he is doing will eventually surface and only then will you know how to handle it. Other than waiting then Citizens Advice have MG counsellors and as this is a free service make an appointment and off load your concerns onto them.

In the UK, many venues and all rail companies can send tickets to your mobile phone or you can pick them up at the venue or rail station.
Maybe the OP's husband decided to have them sent to his phone.
Personally, I think he might be feeling a bit claustrophobic being with his wife almost every evening and weekend and he didn't suddenly decide not to go. It was only after the OP made a bit of a fuss about having to find something to do this weekend, that he (allegedly) cancelled the (supposedly purchased) tickets.
We have no idea how much or exactly what was said by the OP regarding having to find something to do.
I'd forget the whole episode. Is it wirth a row? At 70, I think it unlikely that he would be meeting a stunning 40 yr old ex model and, if he was, good riddance.

*worth
BTW, Many football clubs 'send' tickets to their season ticket holders membership cards which are scanned at the venue. I know, I am a club member.

If it happens again then time to tackle him!

I go out a lot on my own sometimes meeting up with friends....while my hubby sits and watches tele 15/17 hours a day. I will sometimes tell him where I’m off to..sometimes I don’t . If he ever stated checking up on me I’d put him straight! So your husband isn’t forthcoming ...what the hell does any of it matter at our advanced years. Leave him be!

No - he told me he was going to a football match and then said he wasn’t going and had cancelled the tickets and train - which you can’t do
You can, certainly train tickets from my experience. Don’t watch football but I imagine tickets can be resold.

I do hope he isn't ill in some way he doesn't (yet) want to talk about.
Appointments are often changed last minute...

Senseless lying is sometimes an sign of early dementia. It’s caused by mild confusion and forgetting what they are/were doing. It’s more a fabrication than a lie. And yes they get quite upset when challenged. Discuss your concerns with the gp and then try and persuade hubby to go for a health check. As a registered nurse who spent many years in elderly care I’ve seen this quite a lot.

I just want to say I agree wholeheartedly with Apricity - good advice. But also worth asking yourself why this is making you think he is taking you for a fool? I very much doubt if he is - whatever is going on, it is his stuff and I guess he knows you are not a fool, but doesn't know how to deal with whatever is going on when he talks to you. A far fetched idea - but may he have an issue like gambling for instance which he is scared to talk about? But whatever is happening, I think Apricity has the best advice for you. I hope you and he can talk safely and without judgement, and untangle whatever needs untangling.

Might he be planning a surprise?.....if not then just say his explanation doesn’t make sense and see what he says....

May be he lied Because he didn’t like being questioned as to where he was going. I am currently staying with family and I get grilled about my movements and phone calls and I hate it

sarahellenwhitney Not all Citizens Advice offer free counselling sessions each operates separately and have different services I know that ours doesn’t offer any thing like this