My husband is lying to me

Its good to know where someone is going from the point of view if anything happens you know whereabouts the last place was . Personally I hate to be timed as to when I am coming home if that makes sense.My Husband asks a lot ”when will you be home” my answer is ”I dont know I dont like to be tied to time” he is learning not to ask!

Of course couples should do thing separately but surely they talk to each other about where they have been and who with. DH and I spend a few minutes each week checking our diaries so each knows what the other is doing separately and those things we are doing together . Courtesy to let each other know roughly where and when .

Could it be the early signs of dementia?

Look you really are all running away with what is probably a fairly simple thing So far the poor man is having an affair, is going gaga, heading for dementia, having weekend doctors appointments, now he has a personality problem

I m sure it’s a very simple thing and he’s gone into his man cave feeling stupid being questioned I bet he was going to the footie but before he bought his tickets his friends let him down or he’d forgot they weren’t going or got the date wrong and he’s blaming you as he feels daft that he messed up and men always want to blame someone else Unfortunately once you tell a white lie you have to remember what you ve said or you can get deeper in the doodoo

What Ginny said. Just common courtesy. My DH has health problems and I’d worry if I didn’t know roughly where he was and when he’d be back. We spend lots of time together and lots of time apart - we don’t lie to each other.

Save for hiring a private detective ....., I would ask him - and if he fesses up to anything untoward - throw all his favourite belongings onto the front lawn from an upstairs window - whilst he's out at work - then change the locks!! .... Too much??

#trustishuge

Lindill49, some people get off on lying - gives them a sense of control. I suggest mockery. Laugh when he talks lying rubbish and say stuff like "yeah right...!" Counter his lies casually with the truth as you know it (e.g. can't cancel those tickets) but do it in a breezy teasing way and don't wait for any response. Do something else. Walk away (not in a huff, just casual) It's enough that he hears he's been rumbled and you're no fool! Be confident!

Oh Sjonlegs you ve been watching too much TV ????

If they have a joint account, the OP could see whether or not he'd pre-paid for match tickets in the transactions.
He ONLY cancelled AFTER the OP made a fuss of being alone and having to find amusement.
Does he have to tell her about every breath he takes? It's a molehill (if that) turned into a mountain of some substance.
There have been questions here, about his mental acuity, other illness he may be hiding, suggestions re relate, couples counselling, visits to Citizens Advice blah blah.
I wouldn't think it improper if he blasted her for harassing him, should she give him the 3rd degree.
Being on here has made me realise that I'm so so glad to be free and single. Unaccountable to anyone, unless I fell foul of the law
Does being married mean that, if you change your habits such as going out with mates on a Friday instead of a Tuesday and not telling the Mrs where you're going, you might be suspected of having an affair and/or, if over 60, having a mental illness?
I think it's a storm in a teacup, brewed and stirred into something sinister by someone who wants to know the minutae of another human being's life.

I agree BlueBelle & Gabriella - next

Agree two marriages 13 years and 15 cheaters. Confrontbit

Perhaps he just needs some space.

Gabriella DH and I have been together for forever with the ups and downs of any long term relationship but it all works well for us. We both have busy lives so on the kitchen blackboard we have the days of the week and who is doing what & when . It is not to "keep tabs" on each other but if I am out walking all day maybe DH will want to do something with his friends or if he has a football match one evening I might arrange for my friends to come over for supper. Sharing a life with someone does not mean you are joined at the hip but it does mean basic courtesies and practical sharing of info! e.g. Simply in terms of shopping.. how many meals do we need to buy for!

Absolutely no problems about doing his own thing - it’s the lying bit I’m annoyed about. Just needed confirmation I’m not going mad!

That's the point, I think.
Absolutely no reason when a couple have trust to have to 'run things past' your partner.
No need for permission, or anything like that.
That's if both are completely above board..

If he's blustering and annoyed, perhaps he's embarrassed or you hit a nerve. Is he normally fairly careful with money? If he had booked train and football tickets that's probably £50 - £100 (depending on the team he supports) and, apart from deciding he ought to cancel and blaming you for that, he might have tried to hide the fact that the money was now wasted. Even if he could get some of his train fare back it's doubtful he could get a refund on football tickets. On the other hand, if he's always blustering and annoyed, you have my sympathy.

PECS
Thanks for that however, I do know about marriage, at least, my own 40 year marriage. H worked abroad for much of the time but writing down our 'schedules' never entered our heads.
I really think it's very a bit OTT to run one's life like an office with blackboards, diaries, whiteboards and spreadsheets for finances.
That seems so sterile.
Having brought up 5 children and there still being 24 hours in a day and 365 in a year, I fail to see how families are busier than ever. Children often have breakfast at school, there are after school clubs meaning they get home later, plenty of help from grandparents (if these forums are anything to go by) and many more aids for housework (dishwashers etc)
Having to sit down and find matching windows in each others schedules when retired, seems daft...ludicrous even.
Just my view.

It's easy for folk to assume something really bad is going on if they have experienced being lied to by a partner who was hiding an affair ( which happened to me) or gambling addiction, for example. It doesn't sound as though it's something like that, given you spend evenings and nearly every weekend together. It does sound as though he feels embarrassed or guilty about something related to these cancelled football matches. Perhaps he was worried about the cost, fell out with friends or something like that - but that's not the central issue. Could you bring it up in the context of saying you're sorry for saying you'd have to find a way of passing the time if that made him cancel his football? Say you are happy for him to go to football or other events with his pals etc. maybe even offer to buy him the next season ticket for his birthday or something. Going more than halfway in a generous, forgiving way might just give him the space to talk about whatever it is without feeling pressured. I agree that it is common courtesy to tell each other where you are going and for roughly how long - I would be concerned if my husband went out for hours without saying where he was going or lied about it. Doesn't need to be a blow-by-blow account of each other's movements - especially if you have mobile phones and can get in touch in the event of an emergency. Good luck.

8Tillybelle* a lie is a lie surely ,it cant be one rule for her and a different one for him

I let this kind of behaviour go on for over a year. If your husband is reading the lesson at church on a Sunday the last thing you suspect is an affair. But it was, with a colleague, and I found out by accident as he'd denied it on several occasions. Confront him and demand to know. You deserve the truth.

Oh Gabriella, it’s not a blow by blow account of everything. Just a general , I’m out at a craft day or I’m playing golf on Thursday. Would you just walk out of the house without saying anything to whoever you live with ? If you ever book a theatre ticket, book a holiday or a visit with friends, do you just hope the other one is free at that time ?

If it's really bothering you then you need to ask - never mind if he 'blusters'.

Surely people live their lives the way it suits them as a couple. I don’t know any couples or families, young or old where a member would just go out! I’m on my own so there Is no one to tell but friends and family usually know what I’m doing although obviously not hour by hour! Lindill49 just ask him as it’s more about the lying than going out and there’s nothing wrong with couples spending as much or as little time together as suits them. Good luck ?

Dont think because your H has medical problems he cant be having an affair,or hoping for one
I am sorry to look at it this way, ,but sometimes a new woman or man can even help the "medical problem" i know this to be a fact
I hope its not anything like that, but i would be suspicious , even at his age
I hope you can get to the bottom of this

You re all reading far too much into this
I bet the bloke got something wrong, date, or home match, or friends cancelled, has lost money on the transaction and now feels darned stupid and embarrassed so has blustered himself out of it by pretending he cancelled for you
He can’t admut it now it’s gone too far down his fairy story