Sister sending nasty letters

Do not open any more letters from these sad horrid people, keep them stashed away as evidence just in case. If I were you I wouldn’t want anything to do with any of them. Just because they are family doesn’t mean you have to have them in your life.

Make sure when sorting your husbands estate that you write a will leaving your estate to those you wish to recieve money etc. Otherwise your sisters as next of kin will inherit. Am very sorry you have had such a sad experience. I have recently joined the WI and have found them a friendly crowd and the daytime meetings suit me. Different groups meet in the evenings . Best Wishes

My mum/dad gave my younger sister, she is 54 years old, power of attorney and executor of their will when my husband died because I was so grief stricken. Also mum has onset of Altzeimers and she recognises my younger sister more.
Correspondence started with old fashioned mail letters and developed to social media when my nasty middle sister realised I was on facebook. My middle sister has always liked to be the centre of attention but my younger sister got in first on the power of attorney etc. So, my middle sister is trying to be pals with her. I believe it is about jealousy and money. Personally I'd rather have mum/dad around longer than money even though I'm broke. Years ago I advised mum/dad to spend their money on themselves and have a good time but at the end of the day they have decided to keep it. I have been written in and out of their will that many times I've lost count but that doesn't matter because they are still alive and that is what counts more. My sisters see it differently. The middle sister sees the money as her inheritance and the more she gets the better. She is like a Leprechaun guarding a pot of gold. When we were all growing up we were all poor so it's weird that in old age my parents have been left money. My sisters play a clever game with mum/dad and make them feel wanted and loved but it's all for money. Still, if it gives mum/dad that illusion it makes their last years happy. I hope they never discover the real reason why my sisters are so attentive.
I've deactivated my facebook account permanently now and have cut myself off from them all. It hurts because I'm sort of grieving twice now, for my husband and now my family.
Loads of you talk such sense and I will follow the advice given so kindly here. Thank God that you are all out there and are willing to give up your time to help me. I feel so lonely and feel as though my life is over.
I went on Facebook to keep in contact with my aunt and some cousins in Plymouth but it backfired on me.

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your dear husband.
I have recently experienced much the same sort of conduct after inheriting.
I didn't want to be without family so I put up with a load of rubbish. Eventually it nearly broke me. When I realised that I was being manipulated and used I rebelled against it and when I was not given an help then I need it yet another time I refused to respond to demands for my services.
Sure it got me cut off and it is lonely but life is so much better without being constantly told how stupid I am and to do things for them. I have kept away for months now and it is the most peaceful few months of my life.
Check with a solicitor what you can do about you Will to try to ensure that your relatives don't get much if anything.
Join up with anything which involve something of interest to you. Enjoy the peace.
I am sure you can talk to any of the posters here. Perhaps find a local meet up.

Hi Seastar, I have a similar relationship with my sibling who is 10 years younger than I. I am very lucky to still have my husband and worry so much about being in your situation. I have found counselling s great help and also talk to silverline who are absolutely wonderful.

Sorry to hear about your loss, Seastar, and of course you will be grieving, and the last thing you need at this time is all this hassle and nastiness.
Don't let your sisters deter you from visiting your parents, though. Your relationship with them is nothing to do with your sisters, and although your mum may not fully appreciate your being there, because of her present mental faculties, I'm sure your dad would. (He too, needs support at this time in his life.)
You say that one sister has threatened you with physical violence ...? Is she mad? What on earth would ever make her say that? Also, that nieces have been more than unkind to you by writing spiteful letters.
As sad as it is, you need to 'get rid'!
Yes, and sadly, 'stand on your own two feet'! You have no option now. Your family have made that clear.
And you will!
Be kind to yourself - you are going through perhaps the worst pain that you will ever have. But you will come out the other side. In time. It's early days yet.
Do you have just a few supportive friends? Use them! If not, get some counselling help - Cruse are very good.
Put yourself above all this nastiness, just brush it away, it doesn't matter. You matter. Take care of yourself.

I am so sorry to read your story, and sorry for the loss of your much loved husband. Your deeply unpleasant sisters are monstrous. Legally they cannot stop you visiting your parents, nor from attending any funeral anywhere. As others here have said, it would be more than wise to inform the police of your sister's letter, so as to have it on record should there be any further mental harassment or physical violence against you.
Your wonderful marriage is your treasure, and your sisters' nastiness is perhaps pure jealousy of a relationship they have never achieved? They cannot take your marriage away from you, ever!
And I'm pretty sure the Court of Protection does need to be informed of the situation, as your father may have been put under significant pressure to change Attorney. Perhaps check this out on line, or in a free half hour session with a solicitor used to dealing with this type of thing.
Crying in your situation is normal! In any other country and in most 'normal' families you would be thought heartless if you didn't cry!
There's lots of great advice from others here about groups to help you with the grieving. The best advice I was ever given when my dearest relative died, was to make a point of eating regular meals and getting out into the fresh air and walking. Sounds simple - but it did help . In a way you have already taken the big first step to self help by sharing your problems here.
Take heart for next step, whether it's counselling, joining the WI, or U3A, whatever you choose, you can do it, and life will slowly, very, slowly feel better. Look after yourselfabove all, (and the legal stuff, it does matter!) I wish you courage, luck and to be happy again.

Good advice Allatsea.
The other thing , Seastar, is the money.
Sadly many families split up over that. Remember the old song "Money is the root of all evil".

My family have now all grouped together with my nasty sister. I feel so unloved and all alone. I can't understand why jealousy should make them so nasty. I've never done anything but support them and this is how they treat me. I can't see the point in the nasty letters. My nasty sister has been trying to get my own daughter to side against me by telling lies to her so that I'll be totally alone. Luckily I have a daughter in a million who knows that her aunt is horrible as she has seen what her aunt does to people. Nasty sister is also into black magic so her grand children call her 'The Witch'! She is truly frightening. Luckily, I believe in God. Unfortunately, my parents are siding with my nasty sister as she takes mum for her hospital appointments. Nasty sister lives 10 minutes away from my parents whereas I live an hour away and I can't afford the petrol money.
It feels horrible to be cut off from a family I grew up with albeit in not a nice way. I wish I had a better, kinder family that loved me. It's horrible to be rejected so horribly. Still, at least I've got a great daughter who I'm so proud of and love so dearly and I had a lovely husband who I loved and still do. I keep praying for some help but I'm also going to try some of the advice given on this post. Thank you to you all.

You are very welcome and I hope all goes well for you. Your daughter knows what they are like and will always I hope be there for you.

Seastar
I just read this and know it has been two years. I am sorry you have gone through this.
I have gone through similar with 2 sisters writing hate mail.
It started after my father died in 2009. One sending hate mail and turning her children against me. The y both have send mail constantly demeaning me. It has been going on for years.It is still going on. I have been looking after my elderly mother for years without help. She has also been targeted. She has dementia now so she has forgotten what has gone on. I have another sister who recently turned for no reason. I think there is narcissism and personality disorders amongst the sisters . I have been in a lot of emotional pain over the years from this. I don't have a partner or children so battling alone.
If you would like someone to talk to who understands then let me know. Hard to find someone who can relate when you're the target for no reason other than possible jealousy. Somehow they think you got more in the up bringing.

Angel28 sorry you're going through such a horrible situation, thank goodness you've got GN for support. I just wanted to say with regard the hate mail, can you not just change your email address ?.. you can easily create other email addresses for those who need to contact you.. and if not that, then block them

Seastar hasn’t posted on here for two years
angel why not start a new current thread If you are looking for support

What horrible people there are out there. It just confirms what I always say that some poor souls are related to them. Angel, it would be good to start your own thread, but some of the advice given to Seastar may be applicable to you. My advice with difficult family is to walk away if you’ve tried everything. You don’t need the aggravation.

So sorry to hear about the loss of dH, talk about kicking you when you are down, my heart goes out to you seastar, jealousy is a awful emotion to suffer from and I think this is part of it, you say you don’t try to make them jealous and I can believe that, but people that are unhappy and resentful of others are very often jealous people, if you want to visit your parents you go when the time is right and you feel able to, you don’t need these awful people in your life, trust me I know about this as I’ve been through very similar! You say your niece says you are a mental case as you cry over the loss of your husband, unbelievably cruel words coming from her, listen to me seastar you are a kind lady, you do not need these leeches sucking the life out of you trying to make trouble to bring you down, you are a good person, you take all the time you need to grieve and please please distance yourself from this negativity, I want to send you a virtual hug

How very sad, my sympathies for your husbands death. I hope, as you’ve had problems for years with your sisters you’ve built up a supportive network of friends to help you throughout this time.

My friends all went their separate ways when I and they got married. So, I'm all alone. My dad died and my sisters never even told me he had been rushed into hospital. I hadn't heard from him so I tried to phone but no answer. I looked on my sisters facebook to find dad had died. I loved my dad and to not be told that he had been rushed into hospital so I could visit him and then to not be told he had died or when his funeral was - really upset me.
If it wasn't for the lovely people on GN I would feel as though the human race is past saving. There are so many cruel people out there. Some have even posted on GN believing that I made my situation up. I wish I had but sadly it is all true. I am all alone but at least I now don't have nasty sisters constantly turning a 'knife' in my back so to speak. Funny thing though - I still love my sisters. I love my mum even though my sister has turned mum against me. I still love my dad and my husband even though they have passed. I still talk to them as if they are alive.
I spoke recently to mental health who said that I've been through horrendous events in my life ( this sister thing is one long event) and they said I must be strong to have survived. I am just so tired now at 61 yrs old of having nothing but bad things happen. I try to have a positive outlook but I get knocked back so easily. I hope now that I can be cut some slack because I've been through enough. I can empathise with Kenneth Williams when his last entry in his diary before he died was "Oh, what's the bloody point!"
I don't try to hurt anyone and try to be helpful but even my sisters have been really nasty.
I am crying in short spurts most days for the loss of a good dad and good husband. I loved them dearly with all my heart. Yet, my sisters try to squash me into the ground when I'm already on the floor.
Thank you to all the kind and supportive GN that have posted and messaged me. You are truely golden people who deserve the best. Love to you all and a big thanks.

Unless your parents are living with one of your sisters, I don't think you need to take the slightest bit of notice of them saying you are not to visit them.

Threatening violence is illegal, so take the letter about your parents' prospective funerals down to the police.

If your sisters or nieces send any more letters, don't open them.

No-one should meekly accept this kind of behaviour.

I am sorry for your loss and I am sure it makes it harder for you to tell your sisters to b****r off, but you will need to make a stand. If you make a doormat of yourself, people will tread on you, you know.

I think I've never stood up to my sisters because I'm scared stiff of being alone in the world and unloved. It's horrible knowing that no-one loves you and no-one would notice if you died. It feels as though I've been unloved and neglected since I was born. my sisters were pretty and I was plain. Dad liked my middle sister best and mum liked my younger sister best. All I got was being shouted at and whacked with a stick. Yet I wasn't a naughty kid. M?y sisters did far worse but didn't get punished as much.

Then I met my husband and his love was beyond my dreams. Then I lost him. Some people just seem to want to make me feel worse/ trip me up and bully and I don't understand why. I'm not trying to hurt anyone. I'm just trying to sort myself out and survive. Thinking about it I am treated like a doormat but the alternative is being all alone. So, I get the nasty letters/messages and treated like I'm not worth anything. I'm frightened of people being cruel to me.

However, thanks to GN I have started to make a stand - albeit baby steps

I’m sorry that you have lost your beloved husband. What a blessing to have had a long happy marriage with your soul mate

Blood does not bring with it the responsibility to be tied & put up with toxic people By asking why are they behaving so nasty you are giving them the power to hurt you which they don’t deserve. You are stronger than you think

Have you looked into online counselling ? My Dad left & then my mum died suddenly ,counselling over the years has helped me gain confidence & understand it’s not my fault & to look for the things & people who joy in my life

Your sisters cannot be fixed . It’s not your fault or responsibility
Your mums Alzheimer’s can’t be fixed sadly
These people are related to you by blood only that doesn’t mean they have the right to hurt & belittle you

Please be kind to yourself , crying is healing but do see your Dr & go counselling your husband would want you to find happiness, by finding yourself x x

Just an update -

I have now cut myself off from my family. The negativity was too much for me. I am happier on my own. I get lonely but some of this is because I can't get out due to Covid.

It has taken me a good 40 years + to come to terms with the fact that my mum and sisters never really loved me. I have now accepted that I can't change them. I wished them all well and told them that I love them but I can't cope with the negativity anymore.

I have tried to get counselling but NHS mental health in my area is poor quality. I looked into going private but the counsellors wanted one appointment per week and at about £40 a go = £160 - money I don't have. So, at the moment I haven't got any further forwards.

I just hope that the Covid won't be around too long so that I can get some help.

Thanks to you all. There are some lovely people who post on GN and I thank you for taking the time to comment and offer helpful advice. Please everyone take care.

Please look into voluntary counselling services .....most town will have at least one where you either pay a nominal small fee or nothing at all MIND may be able to help too you will have to search and ask around so there’s a little bit of work to do for yourself but it will be very empowering to have someone acknowledge the pain and suffering you ve been through and then tips and ideas as it how to strengthen you for the future
Just because the NHS is run off it’s feet with people with mental health problems doesn’t mean you can’t get help
Good luck