Need advice on what to do now

I know Smileless. Believe me, I was and still am so sad about that, especially when I hear Perry Como sing "And I love you so " which was a song she loved. But it was as it was. A complicated relationship in many ways. She was a good mum when u was small but very controlling as an adult. But the saddest thing is that she died entirely on her own. She had embittered my sister and She had no friends. I swear on my life I'd never let that happen with my own children if I could possibly help it. I know too that some things ju are beyond our control, and events take over. Thank you for your concern.

So, so sad, wellingtonpie.....sad all round. I don't know how and why the relationship got so complicated. I don't wish to sound patronising but could you not have found it in your heart, in the end to forgive her, just for old times' sake - you say she was a good mother when you were young. I'm surprised she never had friends either.

CrazyH. It is now 20 years since she died. And yes it was complicated. Lots of stuff went on. But in my heart of hearts I have forgiven her and hope that she is in a happier place.

I'm so glad you have forgiven her. I feel I was the opposite of your mother. I think I gave my children a hard time when they were young. Their father was a serial philanderer .....I took out my frustrations on the children.....it was so wrong. I'm sure they remember it and sometimes remind me . But now that they are adults, they understand, at least I hope they understand.

Life can make you do things you regret. But really although sometimes it's really difficult it's ourselves that we have to forgive. I hope you don't worry. Your children should understand. Sometimes though they don't get passed it. Have you explained things to them.

I mention it in passing and usually the subject is brought up at family gettogethers - We try to joke about it....I don't go out of my way to bring up the past because it is their father after all. And at times, I feel , if I was a better wife he wouldn't have strayed. They are adults now and I feel they can make their own judgements now. I think we have a fairly good relationship except that, funnily enough, one d.i.l. doesn't particularly like me. I wonder if she has heard stories....hmmmm, I wonder. She is close friends with my ex husbands wife.

My children's father was also a serial womaniser. But none of them have any contact with him only with the children of his second marriage. But you're right. They're adults. But don't be too hard on yourself. Being in a situation is far more difficult than talking about it after and think about what you could or should have done. You did what you did in those circumstances. My mother made a bad situation so much worse because she hated their father and tried to denigrate him in front of the children so I had to have really strong words. She thought she was the matriarch in our family and we all had to bow to her. Horrible times.