Children’s inheritance

My late parents sold the home I had grown up in when I was in my first year at university, it had been in our family for 5 generations (since it was built) and although I was naturally emotional I understood since my fathers health had deteriorated necessitating early retirement from work at age 60. It never occurred to me even as an only child to object!
My own children are urging me to sell my house! and to get somewhere easier to manage now that I am recovering from cancer and find the constant upkeep requirements of my Victorian house a worry.
I would advise (assuming the house is not tied up in a trust preventing your friend from selling it) that she is firm with the children they definitely sound like they hail from the entitled to brigade!

Mabon1 I think you are right that she is worrying about her future relationship with her children if she does sell.
She has 3 children with her DH and 2 stepchildren. It seems it is the stepchildren who are winding the others up, because they are worried she won’t leave them anything in her will, though she has always said the inheritance will be shared equally amongst the 5 of them. She says what upsets her most is that her friends are giving her more support than her children.

A friend’s daughter has said she will NEVER speak to her mother again if she sells the family house that her mother has only owned for 11 years!

My husbands sister in law has asked me several times when we are selling our house, downsizing and then giving money to our adult children!

Some completely cheeky people out there: Mumsnetters have a rather ruder word!

Thank you Gransnetters for your advice which my friend has found very helpful. I have just spoken to her again today and she says she has decided to sell the house.

Our two children are encouraging us to spend their inheritance. We aren't of course, but they keep saying we must enjoy what we have and not think we must pass on loadsamoney. They have struggled at times as we all do, and we have helped them out when we can, but majority of parents do this?
The partner of DS has twice said we must not worry about not having anybody to care for us, we are more than welcome to live with them when the time comes.
I was quite choked about this, such generosity, especially as she recently nursed her mother through terminal cancer.
Following on from that, is it possible to come to an arrangement whereby house is sold and parent goes to live with child and contribute to costs via pension etc? Keeps the money in the family?
I'm lucky. DD believes in multi generational living. She says it's old fashioned but practical, esp when there are children to look after, and she and husband must both work.

JacquiG, I’m interested to see why you’ve said, “ Of course” you wouldn’t spend your children’s inheritance! Am I a hard-hearted Hannah who certainly wouldn’t do without some wee luxuries just so I could leave some money.

Never give in to emotional blackmail, that is a hide onto nothing.

I love my dd very much, but my job is done. I brought her up and educated her to the best of my ability.

If she were to threaten never to see me again for something like that, I would call her bluff.

The house belongs to her. She can do what she wants with it, end of.

We're doing our best to spend their inheritance.

I really hate the advert on tv at the moment for equity release so that you can give the cash released to your children. The one with a delighted offspring sitting in the background.

We are contemplating taking out an interest only mortgage to pay for an extension, repayable when we sell the house - or should we approach our children for a loan from the bank of son and daughter

HurdyGurdy has, IMO, the right idea. ACs buy house, mum downsizes, ACs let the house and invest rental income, then divide all monies from the house and rental
income equally, when they collectively decide to do so. I could bet any money that it would end in petty squabbling.

I just reread my post , 1st husband not 1st choice!!

My neighbour signed her house over to her children 5 years ago. Now she needs to move nearer family so children have to sell house so she can move.

Living in France the inheritance laws are different ...the house is inherited by children if there are any ...unless one has murdered a parent !! AND in law (although no often in practice) children are respsonsible, in turn, for their parents... including giving them an allowance if they find themselves in dire straits ! My neighbour is currently paying the extra between his mum's payment of E 1,700 a month care home fees and the actual cost of £2790 ......as she hasn't yet died the house is still hers .........I am not sure what happens if there are no children, although one house in the village was procured by the State to pay towards the owner's care home fees ......

I would never have expected my parents to go without to leave a house to myself and my brother. When my dad was alive I would have been delighted to see him enjoy life and spend what he had worked hard for all his life.

My children are well aware that my money was earned by me, and will be spent by me as I wish. They both have the attitude that I should enjoy what I have. If either of them suggested that I shouldn't sell my house so they could inherit, I'd call their bluff and cut them out of my will.

Then there are people like my DM, who, with her brother were the beneficiaries of the 120 year old, very substantial family trust. Her attitude was that although this was family money, intended by my gt grandfather to benefit the following generations, she had the right to spend it. And she did. My uncle didn't. His children are multi-millionaires. I'm still working in my late 60s.

Whilst my adult children wouldn't refuse anything left from our house once we pop our clogs they have said time and time again not to save money "for them". Just to enjoy what we have now. By all accounts all three could buy and sell us many times over, we are the less well off ones.

I have recently heard of a young couple who have taken out a huge mortgage which won’t be paid off till they are 70. They openly say that the parents will be dead by then and the inheritance will pay off the mortgage. If my children said that out loud to me I would be horrified.

If my children said that to me I would immediately rewrite my will and leave my assets to my grandchildren or take out equity release and spend it.

The money could also be used up in care home fees? They cannot guarantee that some time in the future their parents assets may not be used up by all kinds of other events.

My thoughts exactly, MOnica.

That made me chuckle Parsley, with more and more people living into their 90s and 100s, the parents may very well NOT be dead by then, and additionally they may be in care homes and require the money for the fees. So the young people you know may well be disappointed!
Isn’t this sad though, that there are people out there who are looking forward to the death of their parents so they can get their hands on the money. My mother celebrated her 91st birthday recently, my dear old Dad lived to almost 90. My husband’s parents are both 91. Long may it continue. I do worry a bit about the prospect of looking after someone of 100 with myself and husband in our 70s by then, but since it’s some time off, and may never happen, I’ll cross that bridge when it arises. I love my Mum, I do not regard her as a cash cow. She is my dearly loved mother.

A good point. It would serve them right if the parents lived to 100. ?

Thanks for letting us know RamblingRosieif her children aren't very happy with her decision, you can show them this thread and us GN's can take the blame.

Seriously though, I hope her children, now the decision has been made, are supportive.

I've already told DS I've every intention of living to be at least 100 Parsley, should have seen the look on his little face.

I think if the house hadn't been passed down through the family it would be different. I can see both sides on this one. If they really are desperate to keep the house - could it not be rented out to cover the costs of the sheltered accomodation?