How to talk to oversensitive hubby about sex

Agree with lovebeigecardigans this is a very tricky subject for a lot of men, particularly if they have spent the past thirty years or so assuming you are happy with what they have been doing/saying. Also I have found that a lot of men are just not as good at communicating with words, so love making can be an avenue for them to demonstrate their feelings without having to work out how to make them verbal, or even without having to understand their own feelings enough to verbalise them. I have been amazed sometimes when asking men what they are feeling right now, that quite a few dont actually know. I suppose it depends how much you are yearning for change as to whether you want to try and persist with this. I dont think change necessarily gets easier as you get older, particularly if, as is presumably the case with your hubbie, he personally is actually OK with the status quo.

lovebeigecardigan1955. Then why talk ?.Actions speak louder than words so why can't those who have become dissatisfied with their partners 'techniques' dispense with words and concentrate on action . If I were presented with ' why don't you, or ' should do' would have been mortified. Surely a bit of imagination would not go amiss and it takes two.Certain' issues' can be the result of ones upbringing /religion /teaching which I am of the opinion would have surfaced in the early days of a relationship not after many years.We can also become ' too' comfortable in relationships never thinking our partner may not feel the same.

I am finding it difficult to comprehend that you have been with someone for all this time and have sex but can’t talk about it! I am imagining it all happening in the dark under the duvet.

I couldnt do that. How can you go about your daily life and nothing is disuceesed about intimacy ..... then she. The lights are out, you do the deed and are not allowed to talk about what you want or need.

I would definitely keep going until you find a way to get your message across.

Take the initiative, show him what you want, express pleasure when he's doing what you do like, and offer to make love to him. Put his hands where you want them and whisper your appreciation in his ear. The more encouraging you are the better it will become.
I don't blame him not wanting to read that book I thought it was a load of crap and my ex had read it before I met him and I spent forever tell him to forget it, it certainly didn't apply to me so he should take note of me and my wants rather than some book or we'd be history. Which we are no anyway, he had quite ingrained ideas of how sex should be that pee'd me off no end as there was no deviation from the right way and he thought some of my ways were kinky, lol no one else has ever complained but each to their own.

Why not write something down on a card, a feeling or something you would like to do or change and slip in in with his Christmas present. When he reads it just smile.

It sounds just like my late husband used to be.You won't change him

Barmeyoldbat Why wait for him to opens his present.?

You have a good point Sharah....

Accentuate the positive - eliminate the negative

Show your pleasure when he does what you like, and "change the subject" when he does things that you you don't like

Say things like:
- "I really like it when you . . . . . . "
- "It gives me pleasure when you . . . . . "

Lead his hands, fingers and tongue to places that give you pleasure and tell him how much you like the good bits

When he misses the target, suggest "up a bit - down a bit" or "harder or softer" or "yes - more of that please"

Most of us react positively when we receive even the slightest hint of praise or positive reaction to what we do
.

Check through all the valentine cards and presents in the various shops. You might find a collection of dice, cards, gifts that had statements on them that might serve as talking points.

If something’s been working for 30 years why on earth rock the boat and knock his confidence he ll think he’s been getting it wrong all these years such a small thing to get your knickers in a twist over

I'd rock him out of his rut with a light but tasty meal then start getting your kit off after turning the main lights off and soft lamps only on.
Play with him a bit, kissing and touching, then make demands.
If he starts asking what it's all about, then you know it's a lost cause.
My OH wouldn't stop to clear the table...

if I start taking my kit off at dinnertime DH will ask if I'm having a hot flush

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNU5KVa_Tu8

Show him this?

Watch some films, and say, that could be a turn on, or that would turn me off. Without demanding it for yourself, or expect him to adopt it in his repitoir.

OMG you did make we laugh!