Mixed feelings about becoming a grandmother; is this normal?

newgran2019
I was anxious when told I was going to be a grandmother but this was about my DIL as she and my son live over 200 miles away It could have been worse as they were over 400 miles at the beginning of their marriage years ago I was excited as I got the scan photos sent while she ways going through the pregnancy We thought we could be down there around the time of the birth of my grand twins but was understanding that they needed this special time on their own to bond as it was overwhelming for them So we didn’t see them till they were over a week old and I was reassured as her parents didn’t see them till just before us They are now 2.5 years and we see them every six weeks or so but of course lots of photos videos FaceTime etc although they haven’t quite got the grasp of holding the phone to have face to face conversations LOL but loving this phase now when we can have proper chats to our granddaughter and grandson We alternate Christmas Day so we had last year which was more interesting than the year before this year we will see them after Boxing Day We are indeed blessed as some of my friends don’t see their grandchildren at all or which I think is worse only seeing half of their grandchildren who talk about seeing their cousins ! My daughter who lives close doesn’t have children but is a Nanny to 3 small children and they come here occasionally to see our cats LOL so I get a surrogate fix here

Completely normal to have mixed feelings I think. Love my grandchildren and enjoy minding them although I have cut down to 1 day a week now as it got too much.

However they are all my lads children and although I adore my dils I know if/when my dd becomes pregnant I would be far more worried.

My sil has her grandchildren practically all the time and they would drive me crackers.

Horses for courses

Albangirl14 is so right about hanging back when the baby is born - there is no need to insist on being "indispensible" at a time when the new family is getting to know each other.

My husband and I had mixed feelings too. Husband was a bit huffy because she wasn't married, even though she was 35 and in a good relationship! It took us a few days to realise how wonderful it was. I remember when I was pregnant my dad couldn't look anywhere near my big tummy. He kept his eyes at head level!

Just relax and enjoy. Being a grandparent is amazing x

If it is what is happening to you then it's ok to feel like that. We all react differently.

I found comfort from my worries in writing to my unborn Grandchild. Letters. Lots of them I kept them in a notebook.

My daughter and her husband live 400 miles away so I have always been a long distance Grandma.

She is now nearly eleven years old and I am still sending her letters, postcards, little silly stuff. She loves it.

She particularly loves the letters I wrote before she was born.

All the best with being a Grandma. It's a lovely club to belong to !

Sounds normal to me. I was in love with my grandchildren from the first moment but I worry often about how they will be affected by my dying, drugs and knives on the street and even in the schools, our crazy exam culture, far right politics, global warming, life threatening childhood illnesses ....... and sometimes wonder if it is right to bring new little people into this scary world.

I remember feeling very anxious about becoming a grandmother, my first grandchild was born 14 years ago.
I refused to talk to people who seemed to have nothing better to talk about than how excited I must be. I realised I was being very selfish and I never spoke about my feelings to my daughter. I cannot understand or put in to words why I felt this way, only to say that I worried I wasn't going to be good enough and didn't realise what was expected of me .
I now have 3 grandchildren who have been and are very much part of my life . I enjoy their company but I still get very anxious.
I suppose being an only child and not seeing my grandparents while growing up doesn't help.
I am relieved to hear that other gransnetters feel the same.

Annaram1 The abbreviations are :

DD- Dear daughter
DS-Dear son
DGD-Dear granddaughter
DH-Dear husband

And so on! took me a while to grasp it to

I suppose I was underwhelmed when my daughter in law told me she was pregnant. Did all the 'right' things, buying for the baby etc, but oh wow when I visited her in hospital, and my grandson was just a few hours old, I fell completely in love. He is 13 now, and I have 6 of the little darlings, and love them all too bits.....don't worry I'm sure those feelings will come. I wouldn't want to be tied to 'childminding' so many days a week,(I'm no mother earth), but babysit, help out and see them all at least once a week (I'm still working 3 days a week), so have a nice balance between, working, family, and friends.
Let us all know how you feel when the little one arrives x

I have looked after all my DGC to some extent but the newest one due soon will be different because I now have severe arthritis and cannot do what I used to. I am already upset that I will not be able to do for this one what I did for the others. Please enjoy your GC newgran, you never know what’s around the corner.

I to felt anxious and didn’t see much of my grandchildren as I was widowed and working full time miles away from them. It’s lovely now they are grown up. I am so proud of them and keep up with their adventures via Facebook. One is currently working in Cambodia building loos for those without. Others are in professional caring jobs. I will be a great grandmother in the new year. Now that is worrying.....

Congratulations!
Don’t worry about worrying Newgran, it’s perfectly normal! And as someone else has said you’re unlikely to be a helicopter gran - which is a good thing.
My DD was so terrified when she found out she was pregnant (she has ME) that I had no time to worry - I was too busy reassuring her!

To me your reaction is somewhat odd. You will love it to bits so get over it.

I was 47 when my daughter announced her pregnancy, my first reaction was... what... I'm too young! 4 Grandchildren later I still worry if I'm doing it right when looking after them. The grandchildren seem to think I'm ok though.... I often let loose the odd swear word (they tell me off and laugh) and dance and act like a child.... even better. Yes worry is normal... I think it's a good sign of caring, and of course there's no way we could care too much!

Maboni, telling someone who is anxious, to get over it you’ll love it, is not really helpful. Sounds like a threat or a promise!

When I was well over 50, someone asked me if I had any grandchildren. I was horrified. I felt far too young.
I'm 65 now and I have three they live in a different country but we see them often and I help out for weeks at a time during summer holidays etc
I love being a granny

Thanks again for all thoughts. I must confess that I find all the advice never to say anything about parenting a bit odd, because we do know more about it than they do at present and there must surely be a middle way between interfering and mentioning your own experiences in a non-directive way when it's relevant!

It was prenatal depression I had, by the way - less known but just as difficult.

Coconut, we're going to visit the parents-to-be in a few weeks so I will try to find time to ask my daughter the questions you recommend.

Congratulations newgran, i too was a bit apprehensive as I knew my dd and dsil would struggle financially. After gs born everything fell into place. We helped out a bit financially so dd could stay at home with dgs for 1 year maternity leave. I went down one day each week and spend so much good quality time with my dd and dgs. He was and still is a smiley child. He has brought so much love and fun into my life. I adore him and even though he lives about 120 miles away from me if he is unwell with a cold and cannot go to nursery I rush down to care for him. Now my dd has just had a second ds and he is gorgeous too. Although both pregnancies went smoothly this time she had difficult birth as baby large and 12 days overdue. I went down after sil had gone back to work to help her cope with 2 dgs's on each Monday and came back Tuesday evening then went back down again on Friday and came back Saturday. Each time 2 took large lasagne or large saucepan of bolognese or 2 large fish pie, one to eat and one to freeze and we took dgs1 to play area or NT property and pushed baby in pram. I am amazed how much I love them both and will drop my own plans to go to their aid. Dgs 1 is now at pre-school and I am so glad I made the effort to go down when he was little as he loves me coming and my dd says he looks out window for a n hour when he knows I am coming to see him. I find myself crawling around on the floor pushing his trains around the track which I don't really remember doing for my own ds's. Grandchildren are just magical as you seem to have more time to enjoy them then when your own children were small. I thought having gc would make me feel old but the opposite is true I feel so much younger.

Congratulations. Best job I ever had!

I love all my grandchildren, but my first is very special....I don't mean special to me, I mean he's just special.....he's so loving, caring, sensitive, ....I actually worry about him when he goes out into the world and has to face so many challenges. I hope he toughens up and as someone else said, I don't know how he will cope when I die. He is also very close to his paternal grandad.....
And to those who say they don't feel grandmotherly, don't worry.....we are all different. For instance I don't coo over babies in their prams in the shopping centre...

I agree newgran that not giving advice seems odd with all our years of wisdom but the thing is they will soon tell you that things have changed enormously since you had them, of course babies don't really change but my goodness ideas on child rearing seem to. Its things like we were encouraged to feed the baby and then put them back down in the cot but now they are often fed and then carried around for ages. I'm to saying one is right and the other wrong just different. Of course if you are asked for advice thats fine specially with your own daughter.

From one overthinking grandparent to another.... I have no doubt you will fall in love with your DGC when they arrive. The pleasure they bring will outweigh any worries you have. I do think it's usual for GPs to reflect at this time on their own lives and their own experience of parenting. I often think my daughter is a much better parent than I could ever be. Relax! The baby has parents to worry, that's part of their job. This is your chance to have a child in your life who is for you to enjoy. Gran, Granny, Nana? Whatever you are, it will be the best sound ever when you hear that wee person say it. I wish you all the joy

Brismum, Mabon,s answer to everything i have noticed is to say, "get over it, not very helpful is she,
Grans come on here for advice and to share their experiences and problems for help and advice ,, not to be told to get over it,The OP is. Genuinely worried about how she will react on becoming a Grandmother, I get once she holds that baby in her arms she will just love it,

Annaram1 Many of the 'shorthand' letters confuse me, too. DGD = Dear Granddaughter, and DS is Dear son. If you scroll to the bottom of the page and click on Acronyms there is a helpful list. Personally, I would rather type the whole word.