Abuse of any sort by any sex on any other sex is wrong, it is also wrong to minimise support for women suffering abuse by saying that men are abused too. Would anyone say that there ought not to be organisations supporting people with cancer because there are also other diseases s that kill people like heart disease. Or that you shouldn't talk about cancer because some people have heart disease
Abuse of another person is wrong, whoever is the abuser.
Someone said nowadays women have jobs, but one manifestation of coercive control is to prevent the woman from working, or to hinder her career development so she can't progress. Some controlling men do not let their partner go out, or if they do go out they are bombarded with phone calls, and have to send pictures of them selves so that they can prove where they are or if they are late home they are accused of having an affair.
The abusers are not abusive at the beginning, it starts as someone has said by seeming caring. If this is appealing because the woman has had difficult relationships the hook works. If like me you are used to people being caring, again It works. An abusive man can turn a strong independent woman into a controlled one over time. Danger points in escalating abuse are when you are pregnant or have a baby and when you leave.
It is wrong to stop a child seeing a kind and loving father. It can be right to stop an abusive father from seeing children, or to ensure that it is in a contact centre as the children have the right not to be abused or worse
I stayed in an abusive marriage for far too long as was afraid of what he'd do, and it was only after the children grew up that I divorced him. It was a hellish time, he found more ways to abuse me through the process. I wish I'd done it earlier. Did you know that growing up in a household where there is abuse counts as child abuse, I didn't
Somewhat along the line I discovered the freedom programme. If you or any loved one are in an abusive relationship, it doesn't have to be violent, seek out a local programme or do it online. I did it several times and each time I got more and more from it, it helped me to see exactly what had been going on. If you are hoping to find a new partner it helps you see the red flags to look out for. I'm not, but if ever I was considering it I would go into it with my eyes open. On it I also met some wonderful strong women, heard some incredibly harrowing stories, some who had had more than one abusive relationship. What was striking was how similar the tactics used are, often women would say that it was like they had a book called how to be an abuser, its something within them though
Why do they do it, well they feel entitled to do what they want, and seek out women in whom they can sense a vulnerability. They need to be in control. Abuse victims have often been in other abusive relationships and it seems normal. Often the abuser will paint previous partners as being crazy bitches, and women feel sorry for them and do not believe it if they are told about the violence as they believe things will be different. That he'll change.
And as for the police believing the woman, when I sought help for bullying and harassing behaviour they did nothing and left me feeling worse than ever. But this was the same force which, when I reported a flasher, told me that I light by have been out alone in the daylight. This was not back in the 1960s but just a few years ago. Actually I wasn't alone but my then husband had gone off leaving me unable to find him
Abuse of anyone is wrong and saying what about the men, men are abused too, is not helpful for anyone. Don't take away from women's services, add services for men. What do such men need that women don't and add those. Interestingly I met abused lesbians, so some women do abuse other women, and am sure some gay men abuse their partners
Abused people need help appropriate to their situation, there is more help available for women because many more women are victims
