When if at all do you share diaries with a friend?

Thanks all for your support. I am keeping in touch but expanding my own life with friends and family much more. I really do value you all .

oh my goodness ,you just run and run and do not look back this behaviour will get worse the longer you are together ,,so please for your safety`s sake walk away from this toxic relationship

Run Run Run. I have been in and left an abusive relationship ( and this is what this is) You can make a life for yourself which is happy and more important, safe. If you want another relationship at some point there are nice kind men out there, BUT NOT THIS ONE!!!

I've just finished reading an article on the BBC website about women who are killed by their partners. Quote: "the motivations typically expressed by male perpetrators include possessiveness, jealousy and fear of abandonment." Don't think it couldn't happen to you.

This simply isn't normal or desirable behaviour. I could certainly do without it! Best of luck

How can you like someone or be friends with a person that has traits such as these ?
Put as much distance as possible between him and you. I know that I would rather be lonely than be with a man like this.

Get rid of him. He is not your problem so you dont have to put up with his horrible ways!!!

This is the sort of beahviour that is now possible to use to divorce someone!!

As everyone else has said, don't rekindle the relationship no matter how much you like him. It will only get much, much worse!!!

He's obviously deeply insecure - hence the need to check your diary, etc. However, you are NOT his therapist (he clearly needs one) and so back away now, resist all pleas. This reminds me of how controlling behaviour starts in a relationship - just little things, then escalates (sometimes into violence). Don't walk away from him - RUN !!!

I haven't read your previous threads alluded to by some of the others here - but I was struck by "I just did not want to be controlled again like before." Like before. So he has behaved like this before, eased off but has returned to a behaviour that seems to be his default.

"I will take them all to heart. I really need reassurance from you all that this is never going to be made in heaven."
That is also quite telling. You could only need reassurance if he's got you doubting yourself.

You know the answer really, and it has been reinforced here again.

"I know he gets depressed and is having treatment and I’m sorry for him I guess but I don’t want to be throttled again and end up myself in a state of anxiety."
His depression - indeed, any and all of his problems - are not your problem; and definitely not your responsibility to fix. His problems are his, not yours.

He's told you to cancel all future dates with him - it would be wise to do so, and to make the break permanent this time. You know it is the wisest course.

I agree with MissAdventure - life is far too short. Tell him to sling his hook and surround yourself with people who make you feel good or it won't be long before you self esteem starts to chip away and you won't be able to make a decision.

Another vote for "Run for the hills"

Ooonana You clearly feel and most certainly are being intimidated by this person and need to do get rid of as he is not going to change. He has started the ball rolling by telling you to cancel all your dates This is typical of a person out to control another as he thinks he is your saviour and you will come back 'begging forgiveness'' well you won't will you so now is your chance. Get rid of and find yourself a true friend.

Walk away.

Break off all contact with him now..change your number & get rid fast!

Give him up at once. Why on earth would you want a control freak in your life?

You have had lots of good advice here. You should really leave him and not renew this ‘friendship’.
Have you tead the thread on Coercive Control?
If not, you definitely should, and take heed of all the warnings.
Good luck

We've been through this before with you and given the same advice as on this post. I hope you don't, but if you renew your friendship with this man, why should he change as it appears you are accepting his attitude. Each time you agree to get back with him he gets stronger and you weaker. Are we all wasting our breath telling you to be strong and keep walking this time.

Not good. Dangerous territory. Move on. Forget him.

Please, please, please walk away from this man now before it's too late!

And I thought throttling was a dangerous sexual perversion!

He sounds a disgrace to his and my sex (I don't do gender - too old and not fluid enough).

Drop him.

Get your skates on and don't entertain giving him any more of your time.

Totally unreasonable behaviour on his part. If its been going on for sometime he's not going to change
There may be good times, but think about them, are they tinged with unpleasantness at all.
I'd not want to have anything more to do with him.
You might find it useful to write down maybe in emails to yourself, or just keep emailing the document to yourself, all the things that have upset you with him over the years. If he goes through a nice phase trying to win you back, read it and think do I want to suffer this behaviour when the effort of being nice has worn off. You might find looking back, that as well as big things there were little things too, and that even during nice times there were things that weren't good. I did the freedom programme several times and each time I remembered new things that had affected my life adversely, even nowadays I sometimes have insights about his behaviour that I'd put down just to him being nasty but actually were abusive, and just because I told him that he was being unreasonable and did whatever anyway, it did affect me and make me unhappy and made me wonder was I being unreasonable. Which I absolutely know now I wasn't being. There is a world out there in which you can do what makes you happy. You can look in your diary and make your own decisions, tell friends that no you can't do something because you have something on, or even if you don't have anything else on if its your only free evening, you can change your mind if you choose to if you are feeling tired and reschedule. Real friends don't try and force you to do things if you can't. Of course sometimes you will have something booked with a friend, and it will be worth pushing yourself. Am not saying be selfish, be a good friend, just don't accept being with someone who only cares about themself and doesn't find something that doesn't make you unhappy but that's ok because he is happy you could make a list of what you get out of the relationship if you want to be balanced, is there anything in there you couldn't get elsewhere, and compare the 2 lists

You call him a friend??? With friends like that, who needs enemies?

oh my goodness. !! i had a previous bf .(my d's father) . wanting to know where i was /who i been talking to/ ripped up personal letters to friends because i mentioned him/.the list was endless . the final straw was when he told d to be quiet on christmas day!!! in the morning because he wanted to listen to the tv.(i was doing christmas dinner while he was sat in the living room(not lifting a finger to help). told d to be quiet. her face dropped and i looked at her and said ,thats enough .bugger off .get out .!!! go back to your dad...he said what about dinner ?. i said you not getting any. d was sobbing her heart out .she was 6 yrs old and she was reading a christmas book out loud..theres stuff i cant mention on here but he was very controlling about house keeping that i had to do favours for him to get any money.....i just had enough and told him to bugger off.....on christmas day 1991...WAS THE BEST THING I EVER DID.. my daughter could do as she wanted without fear of saying the wrong thing.. get shot of your so called friend ...you feel much better....