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Limerence ..... the shame and embarrassment of it

(230 Posts)
GrannyH50 Sat 08-Dec-18 19:57:04

I’ve just gone through this and it wasn’t pleasant.
Please can I ask if anyone else has gone through this?
I’ve only recently been able to put a name to it and am embarrassed to post admitting it. I’m happy to say I’m at the tail end but I’m married, I’m 51 years of age and although I’ve had silly ‘crushes’ occasionally I thought I’d done with it all, if I’m honest.
Please don’t judge, I’m pretty normal and boring but would love to know if any others have any stories to tell, thanks ?

Bellanonna Fri 14-Dec-18 10:31:58

Fennel ?
The more I read the OP the more I think he or she is looking for material to publish.

Fennel Thu 13-Dec-18 11:30:54

I admit I first thought it must be some form of STD.

HildaW Thu 13-Dec-18 10:38:48

So, am I being a bit dumb here...is this all about someone being very tempted into nearly having an affair and by giving it a name few of us could understand it sort of becomes a psychological issue?

Gonegirl Thu 13-Dec-18 09:38:01

My post is missing!
Try again.

Yes, I think the surge of hormones we can get at that time of life is nature's way of trying to get one more baby out of us before all hope is gone. my husband couldn't keep up with me

Gonegirl Thu 13-Dec-18 09:35:05

Please don't let that offend anybody!

Lesley60 Thu 13-Dec-18 03:14:48

Granny H50, I don’t understand why you are embarrassed about this, just because we are getting a little older it doesn’t mean that our thoughts or feelings have changed to when we were younger, I have had this it made me feel young again.
It didn’t hurt anyone because I didn’t tell anyone or act on it.

crazyH Thu 13-Dec-18 01:28:23

Well actually, a chap at our 50s+ club fancied me and kept leaving his phone no etc. In a general chat, he was proudly saying he doesn't drink wine, nor alcohol. I didn't fancy a date , drinking cups of tea?

mymadeupname Thu 13-Dec-18 00:18:48

In response to the OP's original post. Yes, I understand limerence. I went through that at her age though luckily for me the overwhelming feelings were for my H: I felt like I did when we first met, it was all-encompassing and strange to experience again after 30 years together. As some posters have suggested I do think there is a surge of hormones around the early 50s which accounted for my emotions going into overdrive just like when I was a teenager.

Now in my early 60s I have recently enjoyed 2 unexpected and rather delicious crushes: one for our plumber and the other for the guitarist in my H's band. It seems ridiculous at my age and so to deflect ridicule I confessed to my H and openly joked to friends about these two crushes. That helped and they quickly faded but I did enjoy them while they lasted.

BlueBelle Wed 12-Dec-18 22:59:39

You have to ask yourself why would anyone make up a thread about a phone call talking about a dead mother Why would someone make up a thread about their gay grandson being bullied because he wore fake ugg boots why does someone make up a thread about Daughter in laws or mother in laws ....boredom, stirring, a laugh,.... who knows but they do unfortunately, and because of them some innocent people may get sidelined which is a big shame

Elegran Wed 12-Dec-18 22:39:39

Who knows why anyone would fabricate a post (and without witnessing it ourselves, we can't say whether any post is true or not) ?

A journalist needing data for a piece might seed the mine with a hint of a personal story, hoping that others would post their own experiences, A sprat to catch a mackerel? We know that some newspapers like to run sensational stories about pensioners.

Fennel Wed 12-Dec-18 22:23:11

I'm sceptical about the OP too.
But why would anyone want to mislead in this way? Very strange.

Blinko Wed 12-Dec-18 20:53:05

...most people have been there. Good post, Oakleaf. It's normal. Just one of life's interesting diversions, surely.

Elegran Wed 12-Dec-18 20:30:04

I find it interesting (no more than that) that HQ has not jumped on the doubters from a great height to tell them they weren't playing nicely, but has left them to discuss their doubts.

M0nica Wed 12-Dec-18 20:24:29

First - Limerance - the shame and embarrassment. I doubt one of us knew what that meant and the second phrase makes it sound like it might mean a special type of incontinence, 'womens problem' or such like. Not someone finding themselves totally overwhelmed and obsessed by one person, but conscious that what they were going through was inexplicable at any level and embarrassing to themselves

Two - no outburst that makes it clear what the problem means, what had happened to her and how distressed she was/is. Look at any of the posts from genuinely distressed OPs, several have posted today, and, with due respect, they write screeds and often incoherently.

Thirdly - the request for our stories - just doesn't fit with someone consumed with shame and embarrassment over something that has happened to them.

The whole thing is too neat, too all together and pat and uninformative for a genuine post.

MawBroon Wed 12-Dec-18 20:05:41

If I may raise my head above the parapet, plausible does not always equate to genuine.

Gonegirl Wed 12-Dec-18 20:02:22

Why should this one have been disruptive?

M0nica Wed 12-Dec-18 19:46:39

Most of the disruptive threads have been the same.

Gonegirl Wed 12-Dec-18 19:19:12

Well, if it was, the original post was pretty realistically worded. I am totally convinced it was genuine.

M0nica Wed 12-Dec-18 18:59:16

I still remain convinced that this thread was a have-on.

Bellanonna Wed 12-Dec-18 10:23:03

Why use an unknown (to most i imagine?) word in the title of the OP? Does it make it more arresting, so everyone will read it? Seems like a ploy but one that didn’t really work.

M0nica Wed 12-Dec-18 01:51:00

I think most of us know, even when we are going through it that it is all just a phase and will eventually go.

Oakleaf Tue 11-Dec-18 23:04:18

I'm not sure what good would have come out of anyone relating their own experiences. Aren't all crushes that never had a chance of turning into something real going to be much the same? Someone invades your head and your heart for a while. Sooner or later, you realise the futility of it all. You buckle down to your normal life, manage the pain and move on. Most people have been there.

Bellanonna Tue 11-Dec-18 23:00:17

OP said she would love to know if others had stories to tell. She herself, however, didn’t go into any detail about her own “story”. Interesting.

Gonegirl Tue 11-Dec-18 22:57:27

And I'm now off up the wooden hill. Night. moon

Gonegirl Tue 11-Dec-18 22:55:31

Just thinking aloud now. ?