Gransnet forums


Dating younger man

(36 Posts)
IreneAdler Wed 09-Jan-19 16:15:39

I am a 60 year old widow and have just started dating a 48 year old widower.

Early stages yet, just going around to each other’s houses at weekends and evenings for a cup of tea and chat and meal at home, and days out to national trust or English heritage properties.

Neither of us has children and we are both widowed.

He is a care worker, so low paid, but has own home and deferred pension from previous job.

Am I setting myself up for a fall by dating a man twelve years younger than myself?

Cherrytree59 Wed 09-Jan-19 16:50:26

Irene Sounds like you are both taking it slowly and having a lovely time.

My husband is 8 years older we sort of meet somewhere in the middle.

We know 2 couples who have an age gap.
We have we have been friends with both couples for years.

1st couple - the husband is 16 years younger.
No children
(Ruby wedding in May)

2nd couple the husband is 49yrs old and his wife will be 69 in April.
Wife has one son and last year they became great grandparents!

Both couples have very happy marriages.

Cherrytree59 Wed 09-Jan-19 16:51:36

Sorry too many 'we have'

PECS Wed 09-Jan-19 16:56:10

If both are happy go with it. Only you can judge if the friendship feels equal. If one of you is looking for love and romance and the other is looking for a good friend and companion it may not work!

PECS Wed 09-Jan-19 16:56:53

Meant to is not always about age!

Luckygirl Wed 09-Jan-19 17:10:07

Sounds lovely - just enjoy and do not allow your mind to find problems where there are none, or to concern yourself with the opinions of others. You are taking it slowly and enjoying each others company - what's not to like, as they say!

I have friends where the age gap is very similar - they are very happy.

There is little enough love and happiness around - grab it while you can!

B9exchange Wed 09-Jan-19 17:14:46

Go with your gut instinct. If you feel this man would enrich your life, if you can't think of him without inwardly smiling, if he makes you laugh and you wake up happy, then see where it takes you, the age difference means nothing! smile

Vonners Wed 09-Jan-19 17:15:15

I have a work colleague dating a younger man, not sure of exact age, early 60's, he's apparently 14 years younger. She seems very happy, seems to do the same sort of things as you. I think its keeping her young.
Personally I can't imagine dating someone younger than myself, and I can't put my finger on why as I feel age shouldn't matter, its more outlook on life and how compatible you feel.
None of us knows what the future holds, I would say just enjoy yourselves, at the same time keep your own friends just in case.

Buffybee Wed 09-Jan-19 17:18:02

I can't see any particular problems relating to the age difference and you obviously both like each other and have no ties.
If you're both happy, go for it.

Liz46 Wed 09-Jan-19 17:29:56

My husband is 7 years younger than I am. We have been married for over 25 years now and it doesn't seem to be a problem. I know I look older than he does but he still loves me!

sodapop Wed 09-Jan-19 17:35:52

I agree with luckygirl don't over think this, enjoy your relationship and have fun.

MacCavity2 Wed 09-Jan-19 18:11:41

Have a lovely time, age should never be a problem or other people’s opinions. Good luck.

BradfordLass72 Wed 09-Jan-19 18:35:56

Good for you!
It's only 12 years after all and if it doesn't work, give him my address, he sound lovely.

Lily65 Wed 09-Jan-19 19:16:21

That sounds so nice. Where can I meet such a person ?

grannyactivist Wed 09-Jan-19 22:02:23

I've been very happily married for more than thirty years to a man ten years my junior. Age is just a number.

yggdrasil Thu 10-Jan-19 09:04:19

My partner is 9 years younger than me. But then, I lie about my age :-) (not to him)

GabriellaG54 Thu 10-Jan-19 12:22:28

My OH and I have been a couple (but don't live together) for 6 years come April. I'm 74 retired, he's 51 and company CEO.
It works for us and he did the running.

MaggieTulliver Thu 10-Jan-19 14:47:54

If it was the other way round (man 12 years older), nobody would bat an eye. If he makes you happy OP that's all that matters. It might be different if he wanted kids but that's obviously not an issue. Relax and enjoy.

crazyH Thu 10-Jan-19 15:55:58

Good for you.....All the best !!

Tangerine Thu 10-Jan-19 16:12:26

No, you're not setting yourself up for a fall. You are taking things slowly and this is good with any relationship. See how it goes. You don't have to combine your finances.

I hope everything goes well for you.

OrganicMilk Thu 10-Jan-19 16:18:40

I have dated people 20 years younger than me and also 20 years older than me

It all depends on your attitude and outlook

IreneAdler - I would say: Sieze the day and make the most of your time together. Always be optimistic and positive and your joy of life should be reflected back to you.

Nonnie Thu 10-Jan-19 16:22:49

As I have friends a lot older than me and others a lot younger than me I can't see that it makes a difference.

What I do find a little worrying is "He is a care worker, so low paid, but has own home and deferred pension from previous job.". Does this bother you? Why?

gerry86 Thu 10-Jan-19 16:30:10

Just carry on and enjoy each others company.

GabriellaG54 Thu 10-Jan-19 20:41:32

Not to put a dampener on your new relationship but have you done any checks on this 'young man'?
It's wonderful to find a companion to share life with, however, I'd just be cautious until you feel confident.
Your last sentence perhaps shows a little uncertainty, or else you were trying to assure us that he's an upstanding guy, not out to fleece you.
May I ask...which of you is a member of the NT and EH? Why would a 48 year old be telling you about his pension provision when he won't be retiring any time soon and the fact that he owns his house.
IMHO, I'd do a few checks...justvti be in the safe side.
I did with my OH and he thought it was funny ( grin not hmm) but understood my reasoning.
Good luck and I hope it all turns out as you hope.

GabriellaG54 Thu 10-Jan-19 20:42:47

*just to be on the safe side.