Issues with weight.

Do not let this man try to change you.
Only change if you wish to.

I hope the house is yours and he is the one to go - after you have told him to, not because he thinks you're fat.

N&G

Ps
Have a

In fact have two more

pps
He has issues - can you be bothered dealing with them?

In addition to the very valid opinions already posted I wanted to scream at OP " Also if you ever became so ill you couldn't PLEASURE HIM" - Really. Just really.

Get on the web and start looking at what counts as ABUSE.

The good sites state the "Being used as a sexual Object and not teated as a Person" IS abuse.

I am so very sad that you in this relationship and it "looks like" you haven't had a lot of Love and Valuing that you aren't really seeing just how abusive this man is being.

If you do nothing else listen to these GNers. But don't just take our word for it that this is abuse. Get on the web and start reading.

When you've done some reading please, please, please do something to give yourself some of the Respect that you deserve.

You clearly are not getting any Care, Love, Respect, Regard from this person ( I was very nearly rude and abusive about him).

If you do not respect and care for yourself and you allow this person to be so destructive - he is destroying your self worth, your self esteem.

He is destroying your peace of mind and any hope of a future where you are even considered as worthy of being teated as a human being.

I'm with those who say Get Rid but this is your life and you have to Choose. For however long you have been with this person you have been Choosing to let him treat you in this Abusive way.

May you find the support, information, help and encouragement you to take better care of yourself than you have been taking of you in the past.

Anyone who attaches conditions to loving someone, doesn't love them and never has. End of.

Think it’s all been said.

My first ever LTB!!

What message does this send out to other younger females or males??
How would you feel if it was your son or daughter asked to meet a body/weight criteria by a partner?

Find your self worth Rubytuesday12* tell him to get on his bike and while your at it tell him that parts of his
todger anatomy did not meet the required standard.

Whatever did you see in him?

Agreed Cherrytree59. He certainly has you brainwashed Rubytuesday.
You are worth so much more than this, don't let him control you in this way.

Ruby, I think you already know the answer to your problem, but love the man and are willing to put up with second best. No one can judge or advise you, I know what I would do, but it's not so easy, you must be walking on egg shells. 140 lbs at 5'5" is normal, I would however, just tell him nicely, that you would find him more attractive, if he could bulk up a little and develop a few muscles as he is a bit too skinny for your liking, then avoid flying objects.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PPs have said it all.
Horrible and disrespectful little person, I won't use the word 'man'.

Please think, why would you let this person speak to you like this.

Run and don’t look back, be kind to yourself?

Also if I ever become so ill that I can't 'pleasure' him,

Pride comes before a fall
He could pop off first.

Cherrytree what is LTB? Lily no I am not having a laugh, nothing about current situation is funny apart from possibly my apparent naivety. I am no pushover. You have no idea how miserable our home life is at the moment or how angry I am with him and obviously if some guy treated my children or grandchildren in such a way of course I'd be appalled and I'd be advising them to get out, but this is about my relationship with a man I actually care very much for (unfortunately) and if that relationship could be salvaged and his attitude altered that would be a positive result. I actually thought the post might get a more mixed response and I'd be advised to be more tolerant of partners views even tho I strongly disagree with them, and if the relationship were to continue a lot will have to change. He feels he is probably too old to change and is wary about us ending up back at each others throats again. Out of context the 'pleasuring' bit sounds strange but I couldn't think of another way of putting it. Basically it was suggested that if one was in (for example but this happened to a close family member) a vegetative state for many months, I think it ran into years but I'm not sure, was it not okay for the other to form another relationship or find 'respite' in some way as they would still have needs. I could not do it and I don't like the idea that someone who has supposedly loved me could do it, but I understand it might be seen as acceptable by some and was interested in opinions.

Well, I don't think anyone can get past the weight issue, so...
I very much doubt you are going to find someone who thinks that is ok.

somebody is not well.

You might love him Ruby but he certainly doesn't love you.
You asked for opinions and you are getting the same message, loud and clear.
This is not a nice man! You deserve more!

Someone once told me of an old Spanish proverb which translated read “better to go alone than badly accompanied !” How true this is of you. This man sounds like a complete jerk! Vain possibly deluded and definitely selfish! I would dump him quick smart. Being alone is better than being miserable and feeling insecure, take it from me!

I am sorry Ruby, but I cannot get my head round the idea of someone loving and being prepared to run their life around man, who at core is such a misogynist and who can have put conditions on your relationship from the start.

That he had this attitude before you even met, that it was a condition of your relationship and hasn't been softened in the years you have been together, makes it clear that it is an ingrained attitude that is not going to be susceptible to change.

If you are content to continue in this relationship it puzzles me that you wanted to put it up for general discussion on GN.

Not happy at all to continue as it is MOnica, and won't. Many huge changes of attitude needed which won't happen, but I need to be as sure as I can be that ending it is the right decision. I've always given him benefit of doubt and still ended back in this position. In my gut I know leaving is the right thing to do but surprisingly that doesn't make it any easier. Thanks everybody for your thoughts.

I doubt that he is going to change now.

Some women may not mind being controlled, but if I was in that situation I would buy him a bicycle.

Let us know what you decide.

As others have said walk away. Horrible man, and the comment "if you are too ill to pleasure him he will find someone else," leaves me revolted.
Leave the vile creature and take your dignity and self respect with you. You really deserve so much better.